For My Yoke Is Easy

I started to send this in an email to a select few folks who will know the whole story (and by "select few" I mean, "anyone who happened to be standing nearby while I was whining about this situation"). But I have often said that I am all about transparency, so I shall transparently tell you of my ugly pride and how it continues to stand in the way of the Lord's work.

As the previous post mentioned/ illustrated -- I interpret for the deaf at our congregation. This summer, with college students gone, I have taken on most of the interpreting. As in, all of it. I had a few people who said they would try to help as they could, but, like most folks, they were in and out, and I didn't think any of them were really comfortable with doing most of it, so I forged ahead. For many weeks, I simply considered it my honor to be able to serve. I preached, led singing, shared a communion meditation, prayed, and read scripture, then taught a Bible class -- in my second language. Then, I staggered to a restaurant for lunch, then home for a very long nap. And thus it was.

At one point I figured out that one woman really would help out, she just needed a little advance warning/ notice. So I got her all lined up to help me out on the Sunday I was traveling to Houston -- then her husband got very ill suddenly. And died the next week. And I was SO sad for this precious woman who has become very dear to me and at the same time I was continuing to wear myself out. I prayed and prayed about it. I gave it to the Lord many times over.

Until I finally said, "That's it. I can do no more. During August I will sit. I will not interpret. If our deaf friend would like to know what's happening in service, I will tell him. Otherwise, I will be sitting." I can't tell you the guilt and agony over that one decision. It goes against every bit of my training, but was all I knew to do to save my sanity. Other people who had initially offerred to help were shocked, I guess, and a few started back-pedaling, "I'm not sure how much I can do." or "I may still be gone a lot in August." I told them, "I had to make that decision for me -- whether or not anyone else would step up. Do whatever you are at peace doing -- for that is what I am doing."

So as August has gone on, and people see that I really am sitting, it gets under the skin of some of the interpreters out there, too. They can't let church go by without being interpreted. I truly THOUGHT I had given one and all every opportunity to take my place. Maybe I gave off a "vibe" that I didn't want anyone else to do it. Maybe they weren't ready to take it on. But it seems that now that I am out of the way, interpreters are coming out of the woodwork.

I have repented so many times over of missing the Lord's leading. I think of it as God's work is/ was a steamroller, with me running along in front of it. The Driver was shouting SOMETHING to me, but over the noise of my life, all I thought He was saying was, "Run faster! Run harder! Don't quit! Run faster!" NOW I know He was saying, "GET. OUT. OF. MY. WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Again, with the perfect vision of hindsight, I have also recalled Matthew 11:28-30:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

His yoke is easy! His burden is light. Which should have told me all along, "Hi, Jack. I'm Annette. You're doing it wrong." I was doing it wrong. I let my pride tell myself that surely I had to do it. Surely the Lord needed ME. Now I know that the Lord can use so many more people if I will get out of His way!