One Year Ago...

One Year Ago...

May 14th marked one year that our family has had an address here in Suburbia, USA. I say it that way because after the big truck unloaded our furniture, the kids and I turned right around and went back to Small Town, USA to finish the school year. We lived in hotels and with friends and survived bronchitis and band concerts and living out of suitcases.

I think back to what the last year has brought and done for my family, and where our feet are pointed now.

There have been struggles and difficulties, as there always are in a relocation, particularly for teenagers. There have been victories and successes, as there always are when God is in it.

I still feel, to some degree, in that No Man's Land of between-ness.

There have been hard things that have pulled us back, physically, to Small Town to help grieve.

There have been hard things that have pulled us back, emotionally, to Small Town to wish we were there to help grieve and offer hugs.

There have been happy things that have pulled us back, physically, to Small Town to celebrate.

There have been happy things that have pulled us back, emotionally, to Small Town that we celebrate from afar, offering congratulations and enjoying photos.

Here, we are still tip-toeing toward acceptance and belonging. People are so very kind and gracious, but the reality is that true and real relationships take forging.

When my dear and wonderful Mark 2 friend leaned across a grimy table in the Taco Bueno in Small Town almost 10 years ago now, our children leap-frogging tables behind us, tears glistened in her eyes. "I am COMMITTED to your marriage making it!" she exclaimed. She had steel resolve where I did not as my marriage was barely able to be resuscitated.

"We'll get through this," said this woman I barely knew. "This is how friendships are made...."

She repeated the same thing less than a year later.

Another Mark 2 friend had found hard, hard news -- her son, her 6 year old with the bluest eyes any of us had ever seen, had a brain tumor. Get to BigCityHospital. Now.

We met at the airport to pray and see them off. Watching them walk out to the plane, Taco Bueno friend said it again:

"We're going to have to be there for her. But we will. This is how friendships are made..."

You know what I was thinking? "Can't we just meet together and play Monopoly? Have a Diet Coke?"

But the reality is no. She's right. Friendships are forged on the anvil of tears and tragedy, prayers and pain. Which is why she is still a dear friend today.

Here I have met and come to know people that I  know will be forever friends. I know that there are forever friends yet to meet.

But as hard things have unfolded around us -- and they have -- I have not been witness to the history, the back story, or the forging. My heart is sad for the hurt surrounding the hard thing, but I am on the periphery.

And as celebrations have occurred I have enjoyed watching people rejoice together and celebrate, but I am unaware of the struggle that took place to get the butterfly in flight. I am still a little bit on the outside.

God is, of course, at work in our time here. Every day that we are here we begin to be a little more clear about why we were called here -- why God needed this to be our mission field. I know that God did not bring us here to work alone, either.

He continues to reveal to us people who will journey beside us, champion our children, and do mission work with us. I know that there are still things to learn about our purpose, call, and mission.

And I know that there are friendships to be forged.

And through it all, He will be there, for He is faithful.

"You reveal the path of life to me; in Your presence is abundant joy; in Your right hand are eternal pleasures." Psalm 16:11

Moving On

(I have had the privilege of writing for Abilene Families magazine for over 5 years now. When I learned I would be moving away from Abilene, I didn't know if I would be able to continue to write for the magazine. With this thought on my heart, I quickly wrote the following piece, so grateful for the time my family had in that precious place.

When I asked if I would be able to continue writing for Abilene Families even if I didn't live in Abilene, I got a wonderful mom and editor reply, "We'll see..." :-) And my editor allowed me to continue writing to the very end.

Last month turned out to be the last issue of Abilene Families magazine. Had I known that when I submitted my article, this is the one I would have submitted. It's just as well, I'm sure.  But the following is my 'so long, Abilene' piece):

My footsteps echo throughout the house, meaning we are making progress, though this doesn’t feel like progress. As more of my belongings fill the truck parked in the driveway, the house becomes vacant. As the house grows empty, my heart fills with memories grown within these walls. Birthday parties and broken bones, sleepovers and silly dances, lazy days and laughing fits all echo in my head.

We have spent so much of the last few weeks facing forward, looking to the new house, new job, new school, new town, and planning for the transition that I haven’t taken much, if any, time to look back. While men who wish they didn’t know us wrestle a mirrored armoire onto the moving truck, I pause at the doorway to reflect on all that this home and this town have been to us.

It’s only been nine years. As an adult, it barely seems a snap of a finger. To both of my children, it’s the majority of their lives. We moved to this town and into this house as my oldest was starting kindergarten.  They only know a spring where the wind howls constantly and summers of relentless, baking heat. This is the town they will always call home.

Leaving now, I wonder the meaning of it all. The difficulty of leaving is so great, I wonder why we had this brief stopover here at all. Why, nine years ago, didn’t the gods of employment simply take us to where we are going now? Why go through another painful round of transition?

The answer is simple when I think of my family’s benefit of being here. Teachers and friends have invested in my children’s education and growth, loving them and encouraging them. My husband and I also have been blessed and mentored and grown into better people than when we arrived here nine years ago.

Especially in the last year through uncertain times and difficult circumstances, we have been granted kindnesses and grace that we will never be able to repay, and can only hope to adequately pay forward. It’s easy to see from my vantage point that it was good for us to be here.

So I wonder from the city’s -- our friends, really -- vantage point. Did it matter that we were here? Was I able to let enough people know the difference that they made in my life? Did I thank enough of my children’s teachers? Did I make a ripple while I was here? Now that I am leaving, will it matter that I am gone? Not “will they miss me” but “did I make a difference”?

The slave-driving, task master of the moving team, who most people recognize as my husband, is impatient with my reverie. He is a goal-oriented guy who can only see how much is left to be done. This is not the time for great ponderings and musings, only time for packing and cleaning right now. Focus!

I make the final rounds of the last few boxes and stray belongings, sweeping up stray wrappers and the dog hair that the next owners will think magically springs from the baseboards.

The sound of my steps ricochet off the walls one last time as I cross to the door, toward the new town. The door creaks closed and with the final click of the latch, seals in the memories of the days we have lived here. The engine of the truck roars to life, ready to take us to our new home, to make new memories.

Rolling out of town I blink back tears, knowing not only that we will be back, but we have forever taken this dust-strewn town with us. It has molded us, lovingly formed and forged us into who we are today. There is no leaving it behind, only honoring those who have invested in our lives. Leaving the precious town in the rearview mirror that is partially obscured by a storage crate, I face my new destination ready to pay forward the encouragement and blessings of the last. Moving on.

Twelve by 2012

I'm going to start getting back here more often so that my first line of my blog isn't apologizing for being gone so long. It's been a crazy week in a good way. I've done very little writing of any kind and especially not of the bloggy kind -- as you've noticed.

I came across something that is right up my alley. As you have probably noticed, goal-setting is a big deal for me. Goal-accomplishing? Meh. You win some, you lose some. But if I don't set intentional goals,  I'm likely to live my life in a vortex of Facebook, Pinterest, and a sad workout routine I call "useless." I'm especially liking using this blog as my accountability place. I post it publicly, and now I have to follow through.

Danni at Oh, Hello Friend decided to cut the procrastination and finish the year strong. She made a list of 12 things she wants to get accomplished by 2012.  As she points out, it's a specific amount of time but not too long. Mark Batterson said at the Catalyst conference recently, "A goal without a deadline is dead on arrival."

So I'm joining in. Twelve things to do before 2012:

1. Get the 3 boxes out of my living room that have been sitting there since we moved in in May.

2. (recycled from Danni): Zero out my email inbox (currently at 265).

3. Finish my "Sarah is unavailable" file -- what some call an "in case of death" file. I am one rockin' family manager that keeps the plates spinning, the bills paid, the dog vaccinated, and everyone where they are supposed to be. If I were hospitalized or passed away, I would hate for my family to have an added stress of wondering where to take the dog to the vet or how to get into the online bank account to pay bills. This is something I have been meaning to work on, but the last week has reminded me that anything can happen to anyone at any moment. It's another way for me to love my family. My personal deadline for this one is Nov. 15 (I started last night).

4. Decorate foyer (and change out light fixture), decorate living room, and my bedroom (walls especially -- very barren currently).

5. Register and begin training for the Cowtown Half Marathon.

6. Start to date my husband more regularly (this has to wait until November due to family craziness).

7. Plan for my kids' birthdays. I know they are older, but they are around the holidays and kind of always get overlooked/ rushed over. We have a Sweet 16 this year, so we have to do something special.

8. Submit articles for publication... as in, ask a magazine/ newspaper to reject me. Really don't like this part of my calling.

9. Plan for and decorate for Christmas (someone please just let it come and let me enjoy it -- I don't want to have to get ready for it. Do. Not. Have it in me currently).

10. Deal with pictures on the camera (download to computer/ organize pics).

11. Read 6 books. I have slowed down WAY too much on my reading. You know what Stephen King says? "If you don't have time to read, you don't have time to write." But I bet Stephen King is no fun on Pinterest.

12. Finish up and memorize well my last few scriptures for Beth Moore's Siesta Scripture Memory Team. I've at least logged them in thanks to sweet encouragement from Joelle, but I need to get them inside my head! Because we are going to the celebration in January! See you there?

Join me? You can make a list on paper or on your blog. If you have a blog, link it in the comments of Danni's post. Let's keep each other accountable, 'kay? Finish 2011 strong!

Friends When You Need Them

I am WAY overdue in telling you this story!

I told you MONTHS ago about some very close friendships I made in my former town -- when I signed up at they gym. I started telling you that because of something really cool that my gym buddies -- Amy and Laura -- did.

So... this was in July. It was hot. Stinkin' hot. Not that August or September has come to be any different. We were new in our town, hemorrhaging cash the way you do when you move, and it was too hot to do ANYTHING -- honestly too hot to go to the pool. So we sat in the little cave of our new house, watching the TV too loudly, or whatever. A little bit of a depressing existence.

I tried to at least keep the house picked up to help my mental state of being, but with two teenagers that didn't seem interested in picking up behind themselves (they have the classic philosophy about making their bed: "Why? You only get in it 12 hours later...") and a dog that was losing fistfuls of hair due to the summer heat, it was an uphill battle that my weary psyche rarely felt energized enough to fight.

So one Friday my kids are wandering around picking up. Weird? The man-child even swept up some. What in the world? I mean, they are washing dishes, putting things away, and "where does this box go?" "Why?" "Well... it's bugging me here..." "It's been sitting there all summer without bugging you. Why is it bugging you now?" Like... Twilight Zone kind of things.

So, we had our Friday night Domino's and were all settled in doing the boring things we do -- kids messing on computers, Troy and I watching some mindless TV, blah, blah. My cell phone rings. It's Amy. Not horribly odd. We've been texting all summer.

A: "So... what are you doing...?"

"Oh... the usual big Friday night... watching TV with the fam."

"Wanna go to Starbucks? You, me, Laura?"

Snort/ laugh..."Oh. Sure. That would be fun..."

"Well COME ON!! Your sprinklers are on or I would have knocked on your door! Let's go!!"

"WHAT???" So... yes... I throw open my front door. True, my sprinklers around my sidewalk were on. True, Amy and Laura were standing on the other side of them. True I ran THROUGH the sprinklers (soaking my rear) to go hug their beautiful necks. How fun are they?

Yes, my family had been in on this very fun surprise that my friends came to see me. Such a little/ huge thing. Oh, my stars -- to get two women out of town away from their families? Huge. And Amy's husband travels for his work. Turns out, she didn't see him before she left. He was driving in as they were driving out. That is a sacrifice!

So we went to Starbuck's. And caught up. And laughed and shook our head over some things. Like always.

They slept in one of the kids' rooms, we woke up the next morning and went for a walk. Like always.
It was hot -- like always.

Somewhere there was breakfast and showering, then we were OFF! None of us are much into shopping but there are some cute little (overpriced) shops in my town I haven't seen so we scoped those out -- for about 15 minutes. Then we hit the resale shops, which I have LOADS of and they are awesome!

We laughed and talked and scoped out cheap finds for ourselves and our kids. Above all... we just were. We were just there... next to each other. Which was SO much what my weary heart needed at that moment. To laugh over the hideous music at the teen resale shop and to shake our heads at the not-so-bargain hideous find at the more "grown up" resale shop.

Troy grilled us steaks and some chicken, baked us some potatoes for dinner, and eventually they had to leave. *sigh* But my heart was refreshed.

 You can't put into words or sentences what those kind of friends mean -- the ones who don't sit and wish that your heart was in a better place but will leap into action to make it so. I'm rarely that kind of friend to others, I openly admit. These beautiful ladies call me to do better and be better in so many ways.

Nine years ago I walked into a gym to get fit and lose a few inches. I gained two amazing friends and so many more rewards. Even from too many miles away, they're still my dear friends today. Like always.

Prayers for All

The pictures of backpack-clad munchkins have begun cropping up on Facebook. The sales papers are full of crayons and glue sticks. You know what that means! It's TIME!

While I definitely have some of this guy's sentiment about it:


this year brings new heaviness to my heart as my kids are heading into uncharted territory (for them).

Next Monday I will take my 13 year old man-child to a school of 900 middle schoolers where he knows no one to start 8th grade. Then I will take my 15 year old daughter to a school of 1700, where she has had the good fortune of being in band camp for almost 3 weeks, so she has someone to sit with at lunch perhaps. Then I shall return to my house and cry for a good long while, I suppose.

I have told both of my kids that since I knew we would move (even when I didn't know WHEN we would move) I have been praying for their first day of school at their new school. Mainly -- that just ONE person would be gracious and friendly to them -- and eat lunch with them.

Of course, you and I know that in the global scheme of things there are much worse things than feeling completely left out on your first day of school in your new town.... but at 15 and 13, it's pretty hard to imagine what that would be.

So, as you are praying for your own children and their teachers, and please do be praying for teachers and administrators everywhere, it would honestly mean the world to me if you would remember to pray for my two. While we have had some bumps along the way, this summer has gone much better than I ever imagined, and I fully credit it to the prayers of folks like you.

And while I'm praying... feel free to leave any requests in the comments. I'll be talking to God, I would love to go to Him on your behalf as well.

A Waiting Place Filled With Teen Crazies

I keep trying (not very hard) to get back over here... and I just keep doing other things.

My goal for the last couple of weeks has been to consistently get back into the word and eat better. Evidently I can only accomplish 2 things at a time, because I am unable to blog on top of it. I am getting some writing done and wrote about "Choosing Joy" when life wasn't aligning for me to do such.

I am behind and owe that ministry an article. My next article will be where my family is -- this waiting for the inevitable: beginning of school and band camp, settling in at church, etc. We are unpacked... but when people from the former town ask "are you settled??" with very hopeful eyes, what do I say? Well, no, we aren't settled. It's summer and we have stared at ourselves, a movie screen, and a big fat TV screen until we are all sick of each other. We workout and have push up challenges. We have precious dinner conversations. But settled in this town? We may as well be on Mars.

Of course, it's awesome that we live where Troy works 'cause, you know, we did it the other way and that totally stunk, too. We are just still in this "waiting place" -- just a different waiting place than before -- now waiting for a scary first day, hard time, obstacle to get over.Band camp starts soon for the high schooler, followed by orientation for the middle schooler. I, personally, am SO! READY! for these things to happen. Tensions are running a little high here at the house. We are all a little ready to see what it will be like and get it over with.

Not one prayer would be wasted on my family. You and I KNOW "it will be fine" when it all comes out in the wash -- it's these few weeks/ months of WAITING for it to "come out in the wash" that have tension/ anxiety mounting and teen crazies going crazier.

You know you're jealous of the teen crazies. Those are some good times, y'all...

Until next time, just trying to get settled... in front of a screen. SO! Tell me -- what are YOU up to this summer? Doing something fun?

Welcome Back to Me!

Whoa. It's been... a VERY long while.

If you're still here, glad to have you. Last I posted, I was telling you that Troy and I were trying to adjust to living together. Think we're still trying to adjust. That and this town-o-concrete and the driving. I don't mind the driving but all of it takes very, very long to do.

We have celebrated my grandmother's 100th birthday, painted over some wallpaper, and the kids and I went on a mission trip to the Rio Grande Valley and just returned Friday night. NOW let summer begin.

I know I SAY this all the time, but I plan to get back to the blog more regularly. One way I plan to do that is get away from Facebook (which will keep some of you from knowing that I have updated my blog). I plan to shut down my Facebook account for the month of July. I have many things I want to concentrate on, and Facebook isn't one of them.

Our mission trip was truly bittersweet and a great time for us. It was tough to make the effort to go, but I'm so glad that we did. The kids all had a great time. It was the 3rd year in a row for Ashley and me, and Riley's first year. Lives change when kids see what a difference it makes to serve others. I'm noticing that and mindful of that as we start looking at where to serve in a church now.

"Church shopping" -- there's a weird thing to say and do. Not super fun, either. Think we have a fairly good plan in place, but it's still not a ton of fun.

Also trying to get hooked back up with exercise but REALLY missing my gym buddies from Abilene -- isn't accountability a great thing? Isn't a cheap gym membership a great thing? Starting over. In every area. I admit it can become overwhelming at times.

So. Looking toward the 4th. What's everybody up to? We have a bazillion options in our huge city now. I suspect we'll end up doing what we've always done -- a big fat nothing.

What about you? Does your family have big plans for the 4th?

Marriage Monday: Time To Reconnect

Well... hello there.

It's me. My name is Sarah. I blog occasionally. When my life isn't in grand upheaval.

You'll notice this is a "Marriage Monday" post. I STARTED to write 2 weeks ago: for optimal marital health,

never,
never,
never,
never,
NEVER
move. The end.

It still isn't bad advice, but I'm not sure it's reasonable.

We got moved into our house (with a little tension) and a few days of settling in, but I had to return to the other town (200 miles away) for the kids to finish school. And they did. Stellarly. (That isn't a word. But my kids are awesome and I am proud). My kids maintained great grades, played in their respective band concerts, fought bronchitis, and slept in 6 different places the last 4 weeks of school. No sweat. Seriously. I'm kind of goofy-over-the-top proud of them.

So marriage Monday stuff. So Thursday the kids got out of school at noon. I loaded them, the dog (who had been staying with a friend), the computer tower (that had been being repaired by another friend), a trombone and clarinet and all of our luggage in the truck and headed over. Now my husband and I are living together for more than 48 hours at a stretch for the first time in 6 months. Not. Even. Kidding. 6 months.

A bit of an adjustment. He is so happy to have us here and with him -- and has mentioned more than once how much lower his stress level is with us here -- and I am happy to be here with him and just flat happy to have a HOUSE after 3 weeks of floating.

But the reality is that not only are we adjusting to living together, the kids and I are adjusting to living in a new town. In other words, stress level is high.

I have to check my heart and my words quite frequently these days. I want to lash out -- and have more times than I care to admit. I want to be selfish -- and am too frequently. I have been in charge and queen of my domain now for 6 months. Troy has been basically a bachelor for 6 months. There will be some adjustment.

I know the main thing I need to be doing that I have sadly neglected -- time in God's word. I need to surround and fill myself with His word to remind me that this, my family, is my blessing and my calling and that His love, according to 1 Corinthians 13, is kind, patient, not rude or easily angered, and never fails. Yeah. I'm gonna need some divine help for that.

So look for me back here. Feel free to say a prayer as we learn our new town, each other (again) and our new neighbors. I'll be digging into God's word to be reminded of what this all means.

Marriage Monday: This is "Worse"; Are You In?

If you haven't kept up with the schedule, this is it! This is the week that movers put my belongings on a truck, my family moves into a hotel, then into a house, then in with friends, all the while doing a wildflower project for Pre-AP Biology, a band concert, and having some sort of honor bestowed upon a student. It's just a wee bit cuckoo 'round here. No wonder someone woke up with a stomach ache.

To add to the cuckiness, two weeks ago there was a ginormous hail storm (that 2 days later produced horrifically deadly tornadoes as it moved east -- don't worry, I have it in perspective!) and the new owners of my home would like all of their shingles to be in one piece, thankyouveruhmuch, so I have thrown a roofer who REALLY likes to ring my doorbell, insurance adjustors and paperwork into the mix.

Of course all of this Troy and I have tackled as a team, yet from 200 miles apart. Thank you, Lord, for electronic media!

Last week my parents came in and helped me pack. They are most precious and understand that my exercise is my sanity. They would send me on my way while they packed a box or 20. On one very brief run I ran by a vehicle that had been shoe polished: "I love you SO much!" on one window. "So glad you're mine!" on another. Didn't see the others. I'm sure they were equally gooey.

I smiled at the sentiment. I would have -- and probably have done -- equally sweet things. But to the shoe polish author I want to ask: "Are you all the way in? Will you still be there when it's hard? You're here for the better... what about the worse?"

Years ago I wrote about what real love looks like -- and it isn't pretty. It's slogging through times like these knowing you'll come out better.

Perhaps it's unfair to call this season of transition "worse" -- Troy and I have lived through the absolute worst a marriage could go through, and this is nowhere close. As long as two people are working together toward a common goal, it isn't the worse, no matter how far apart geography separates them. However, in no form or fashion can this be construed as one of the sunshiny parts of life, either.

I'm so thankful this season of separation is ending, but I know when it ends there will be a season of adjustment and healing. And, as in this season, God will be in it all.

Moving Housekeeping

This post is primarily a way for me to mass distribute information to people that may be interested in the details of our upcoming move. If you have no interest in my move (who can blame you? I am bored to tears with it myself!) and are here looking for some family fun or hilarity, you can go read this post.

This is easier to do in FAQ form, since I know which questions I get asked most frequently. Let's play FAQ about the move! (and, again, you don't have to care AT ALL).

How are things going with the sale?
Which one? The contract on the house I currently live in is beyond option period, so it's a done deal. The Dallas-area house is still in option, inspection next week. There's been some annoying stuff, as with every real estate transaction, but so far all seems well.

When do you close?
We close on this house on May 11 and on the Dallas-area house on May 12. We load the truck here May 10 (same day as Ashley's band concert!) and unload in Dallas-area on May 14.

What will you do about school for the kids?
The kids shouldn't miss any school and will finish out the school year here. We do have to be out of this house when we close, so we will have some temporary living arrangements. Friends have offered, but the first week of back and forth (and band concerts) we may just do hotels.

Where are you living in the Dallas-area?
Email me or message me -- I'll tell you. We chose the area that we did for the schools. Not quality -- there are a LOT of quality schools around -- but for size. This particular district is committed to less than 10 million per graduating class, which some like to boast. The drawback is that it will be QUITE a commute for Troy. We have agreed that this will be our "5 year house": get the kids out of high school, move closer in.

What do you think of your new house?
Haven't seen it in person! Troy SKYPEd it to me last week, I've seen the web pics and a virtual tour. All great. I'm excited to get moved in. It looks great. Troy is nervous that I haven't seen it -- I am not. Technology has allowed me to "virtually see it" VERY well.

How are the kids doing?
Awesome. We're all just READY.


So... I think I'm out of FAQ's about the move. The main one I get is about when everything is happening. So.
May 10: load truck here
May 11: close house here
May 12: close house there
May 14: unload truck there (spend our first night in our new house!)
May 15: kids and I return here for them to finish last 2 weeks of school

We have already committed to being here the weekend of the 22nd for something, so we'll be around. However, once the kids are out of school after finals on the 27th, we'll probably grab one last Sharky's lunch *sniff*... and be gone.

So. That's that. I have LOVED all of the tips I got from my "Ask the Bloggy Friends" about moving tips and tricks. I confess that I initially wanted to lay down and take a nap -- then cry -- because it was all too much, but I am seeing the genius in all of it. LOVED KC's advice to "agree on your approach" -- something I hadn't considered since I am doing so much of this alone.

My favorite is that my husband does not feel the need to label ANYTHING. Unpacking will be Christmas morning for him. I guess he figures since I fussed for 5 years about the time that he and a friend moved us out of our 800 sq ft apartment, dumping everything into boxes marked 'miscellaneous' -- he just figures an unmarked box is better. Bless us everyone...

Anyone have a funny moving story? Loved Scott's story about the mail from the people who had the same last name as them! (Please don't tell me nightmares about missed closings or dishonest movers -- only funny stories allowed today!)

How To Trick Your Body Into Thinking You Are Relaxed

Hey, guess what? Another blog post about relaxation! You would think I am stressed or something!

I am finding that I physically handle an unknown, uncertain future better than a known (overwhelming) checklist of all that must be done before I move out of one house and town to another house and town.

So I am calling on things I know to do to when stress threaten to cause me to feel awful. I find it difficult to breathe, my stomach stays upset, my chest is chronically tight. Not good.

You know many of these things, so in times of high stress, here's a quick checklist of how to un-do the effects it has on your body.

1) Head and Neck: Check that your head is pulled back over your neck, not sticking out. In times of stress, many of us will jut our head out, putting up to 10 pounds of extra pressure on the spine. Pull your head back.

2) Mouth and Jaw: This is one place the body takes on stress (anyone a tooth grinder/ jaw-chewer?) Relax your jaw, being sure that your teeth are slightly open. Relax your tongue. Relaxing your tongue signals to the rest of your body (I am NOT making this up) to relax. It also allows for greater air flow (about to discuss this in greater detail).

3) Shoulders: Roll them to the back, then down. If they are pulled forward (how most of us spend our days even not under stress) our chest cavity is pressing on our lungs, preventing us from taking adequate breaths. The end result is oxygen deprived organs and muscles, creating an overall fatigued feeling, especially if you couple it with high adrenaline throughout the day. If your shoulders are high (around your ears!) then your neck is too tight, eventually leading to cramped muscles.

4) Hands: Many of us also carry stress in our hands, gripping pens and steering wheels entirely too tightly. While you are relaxing those other places, stretch out your hands.

5) Belly breath: As mentioned above, most of us walk around oxygen deprived throughout the day and wonder why we yawn starting at 6 p.m. Take a deep breath, picturing the very bottoms of your lungs filling, so that it causes your belly to poke out. Do this as often as you think of it.

Stress is HARD on a body. If you can't undo whatever is stressing your brain, try to undo the stress on your body first with these quick tips.

Do you have any other ideas of quick things you can do to de-stress your body?

Ask the Bloggy Friends: Moving Tips and Tricks

So... if you haven't heard... I'M MOVING! Yay! We are beginning the packing-in-earnest process and looking to the move ahead. It has been a while since I moved and I am not what one would call a pro at this.

So... let's play a game of "Ask the Bloggy Friends," 'kay?
I have received a lot of helpful advice from this post (including the part about hiring professional movers if at all possible)!

Do you have a great tip or trick about packing for a move? (Not packing the truck -- SOOOOoooo not my job!) Most of you have moved more recently or more often than me! Let me know any great thoughts you have!

Marriage Monday: Be a Student of Your Spouse

If you missed it, I mentioned yesterday that we finally, FINALLY, FINE-UH-LEE, have a contract on our house (praise pause -- lift your hands)! Of course, I won't tell you all the gory details that went into landing on a happy medium for the contract.

But for Marriage Monday I wanted to talk about something I have figured out the hard way about dealing with stressful situations like that with Troy (husband): be a student of his. No, don't sit at his feet and let him instruct me (if I did, World War II and Remington shotguns would be the subject matter - - yawn...).

I mean study HIM. Know his stressors, anxieties, and what makes him happy. Know what makes him feel as if he's accomplished something. Know when it's okay to have those conversations (oddly enough, Troy never likes me to hit him with the big stuff as we are laying down to go to sleep...)

By way of example, I present to you trying to sell a house. For instance, we got an offer on Friday. Troy was heading into a lunch meeting in Dallas when I told him the details of it. The offer wasn't what we wanted, but I had a counter-offer plan. However, knowing my husband the way I do (I'm a slow student, but I did eventually learn), I knew not to discuss it with him immediately.

So. I waited. I waited for him to drive in from Dallas. I knew he didn't want to discuss it then, or at all Friday evening. It. Was. KILLING!! ME!! But I said NOT a word...

Saturday morning, Troy had to go meet a resume' client, and I simply reminded him that IF we were going to counter, that it would need to be signed papers, big hairy deal, and we should probably get it squared away while he was in town. He, knowing ME the way he does, could feel me vibrating under the surface and KNEW it was killing me. We came to an agreement and agreed on a time to meet the realtor.

We gave a counter offer. The buyers countered THAT offer. It was Saturday evening -- 8-ish, maybe? I knew Troy was NOT going to come to a decision that night. I just zipped my mouth and watched my movie (oooh -- GREAT movie for marriage Monday, BTW: "Why Did I Get Married?") So I waited again (having a plan in my head, but knowing it was NOT time to discuss it).

We countered AGAIN on Sunday morning, and they accepted that. Thank you, Jesus.

You may look at this as manipulation or "playing" my husband. No, this was letting my husband deal with an already stressful situation in the best way he can. He is a VERY thorough and methodical person -- it's one of the things I adore about him, and it's one of the things that drives me kazonkers about him.

I gave him time to look at and explore and think about what was going on. He also had time to just vent to me about the stress the last year has been -- and I would have missed that if I had pushed him to make a decision the minute he walked through the door Friday evening.

It has taken me a LOT of years to learn this. I don't like it any better, but it has helped de-stress already stressful situations for me to let him be himself through these situations. Because I respect his need for time to process, he listens carefully when I tell him, "Okay, that's enough thinking and looking. Time for action."

Realize your spouse won't handle situations like you do. It's one of the greatest blessings the two of you have together -- each other's strengths. Give him/her the opportunity to use those strengths without trying to turn him/ her into you, especially in times of stress.

Marriage Monday on Tuesday

It's been a VERY long time since I've posted a Marriage Monday and... since it's late Tuesday afternoon, does this even count at all? I'm going with 'yes' because I can't make anything cute out of marriage and Tuesdays. It just doesn't work.

Yesterday (Monday) I was doing all of my running around because today the sky fell in. Or... it snowed in West Texas. Take your pic, because it creates equal amount of panic and mayhem. Honestly, you would NOT believe the scene at the grocery stores. Unbelievable. It's truly not supposed to be above freezing for several days. The grocery store madness was compounded by the fact that Monday was the end of the month and payday for many people (our family included) so I was at the store, too. Of course I failed to buy the mandatory gallon of milk you're supposed to buy before a snow storm, so of course we will be out before the thaw.

I do have something on my heart about marriage that I wanted to post about. It probably means more to me than it will to you... isn't that always the way?

If you haven't been keeping track/ keeping up, you may not be aware that for the better part of the week, my husband lives 200 miles away to work at a new job that we are VERY thankful he has. The kids and I are waiting for the house to sell and pray for our family to live together as a whole unit again very soon. We have actually been living with this arrangement for almost 3 months now, when I didn't think I would survive one month. It's amazing what the Lord will grant you the peace and strength to do when called to do.

And, I do realize, this situation is far more difficult for my husband than it is for the kids and me. We have our own house, our own friends, our own support system -- you wouldn't believe the prying eyes of the neighborhood... and I LOVE it! People ask to drive the kids somewhere or can they pick anything up for me or do I need them to drop anything off when they go here or there. Love it! But of course it never makes up for having a spouse living in your home.

And Troy is very thankful that he has relatives where he can live rent-free. They have always been 100% gracious, but of course he feels like he is intruding, and is so ready to be in his own home, with his own family. And every day he is surrounded by people he doesn't know very well (though after 3 months, I suppose they are becoming closer...) while he trudges the unfamiliar territory of a new job. In short, we would really like our family to live together.

We trust -- God has given us that peace that surpasses understanding (I promise this is a post about marriage in here somewhere. Stick with me) that He will bring a buyer for our home in his perfect timing. We have prayed and listened for His guidance about the price of our home and many other things and we truly believe it is simply left up to His time. So we wait.

And the things I have learned about myself, my husband and my God could fill volumes but most of them are things you need to learn on your own. This may be one of those things.

Last week was a particularly difficult, perhaps impatient, week. I tried a million times to lay down MY will and MY way to the Lord, only to pick it up again and shake it at Him and say, "But don't you WANT us to live together???" As a side note, I do believe the answer to that is that yes, He does, but He also trusts us in this time and knows that we can learn and grow in this time, so He is not in a hurry as we are in a hurry. ("But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness." 2 Peter 3:8,9... encouraging... but not... you know?)

When Troy FINALLY arrived back "at home" -- such a weird thing, this "at home": when we live together full time again, it won't be in this home. Just weird. So, when he finally arrived here, I noticed how much more patient I was with little annoyances and inconveniences. Ever go to get in the shower just as your spouse does? I do... ALL the time. Your spouse ever park behind you or in YOUR spot? ALL the time.

Guess what? I cannot WAIT to be inconvenienced by the little things of my spouse again. And it made me grateful that I get a second chance. I know wives whose spouses are deployed who learn not to be annoyed at the little things. I have widow friends -- of ALL ages, many WAY too young to be widows -- who would give anything for their spouse to be in the shower when they want to be.

I was sharing my life lesson with a precious friend at church over the weekend and she got tears in her eyes.

"Thank you for saying that," she said. "We were just cleaning the kitchen together last night and he was ALWAYS right in front of the trash can when I needed it. I tried to tell myself, 'Well, he doesn't have to be here at all...'"

Truth.

And, heaven knows I can certainly be one of the most annoying people on the planet to live with. Granted, my propensity to burst into random song could arguably be fun or annoying depending on who is voting, but I'm pretty sure my habit of leaving a trail of dishes and shoes in every room I inhabit is beyond annoying.

So, perhaps God is leading me to one of my four words for the year: Gentleness. Because I will continue to be gentle with this wonderful blessing of a man that God has gifted to me and our children. Why would I be anything else? Because sometimes I am focused on ME and what I need and what I want and MY time and MY schedule and MY convenience. And I just don't think that's what the Lord has in mind for marriage.

Praying for more patience... and always gentleness.

Keepin' It Real...

As I've mentioned a bazillion times here, our house is on the market. Sunday, we had an Open House. So, I spent all week getting our house clean and spotless so that we could breeze out the door no problem on Sunday afternoon.

Uh, no.

I did a few things to declutter. I did put the Christmas tree away. What more do you want?

Ashley had a sleepover on Friday night for her birthday (post about how OLD I feel to have a 15 year old to come shortly) so by Saturday morning we were covered in blankets and pizza boxes, as well as the clutter from the previous week.

I decided to wander around the house at 5 p.m. Saturday evening to show you what my house looked like 20 hours before an Open House (this also explains why I wasn't in class Sunday morning, why I was backing out of my driveway 10 min. before it started, and why I noticed puppy footprints that should have been mopped up after the open house):

The kitchen area, where Troy has already thrown away the 4 pizza boxes, but there is still a box on the floor that contains a Christmas gift (to me), the kitchen desk has several Christmas gifts (to me) covering it, there are tennis shoes (not mine) next to Stickers' cage, who, for some reason, has 2 open bags of food. You can't see Duchess' nose prints on the French doors from here.

I should have turned on the light in the dining room for you to get a better view of the clutter. Troy already (are you noticing that all of the clutter is mine and Troy is doing all of the picking up?) picked up the newspaper and breakfast dishes, but the Sonic cup and all manner of my running gear (headband, headphones, gloves, etc.) are on the table. Beyond that on a bench in the corner is a box of Christmas decorations that still need to be put away. Good thing I only got out one box of Christmas decorations!
The bedroom. Notice there is a child in the unmade bed. I actually make my bed religiously during the week, but on the weekends, all bets are off. Troy's suitcase that he lives out of ALL THE TIME is there under the window. In front of it are my clothes that I stepped out of to change to go running, and some PJ's from the morning.
This is my favorite picture. Here is Duchess, knowing that some great calamity is going to befall her when a cleaning frenzy takes place -- either she's going to be left alone here for a very long time (we leave town), or she's going to be drug in the car to wait out an open house. She's not having it at this point.
If you would like to see pictures of my pristine house, you are welcome to view our real estate website. But where's the fun in pristine? Honestly...

You know, as I post this it occurs to me that I don't mind showing you this junk for many reasons. One... it really isn't THAT bad. Okay, the bedroom is pretty bad, but it has been MUCH worse. Trust me. Also, I know that we ALL let our house go on occasion, usually on the weekend.

I have really been convicted lately of my double speak. I SAY that I am "all about authenticity" but there are certain things I won't confess here. Of course, it's a difficult balance because I do have a family to protect and honor, as well (but I sure didn't mind showing their dirty house).

What I won't let you peek into is my pride, or my greed, or my judgmental heart. I don't openly talk about that. Baby steps, baby steps.

Hoping you will be kind when I find the courage...

James 5:16:
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

The Waiting Place

"And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!"

(excerpt from Dr. Seuss' "Oh, The Places You'll Go!")

I'm considering how much of the last year of our lives we have spent in The Waiting Place. This Waiting Place (waiting for a house to sell) is a smidgen different than the last Waiting Place (of waiting for a job), which I presume will be just a little different than the next Waiting Place.

And I'll be honest, I initially RAGE against The Waiting Place. First I organize it: there is a plan for how we will wait and how long we will wait, and the activities we will do while we wait. God usually thumps my plan over at some point.

I have to send up a praise and tell you that God has finally brought me to the peace that surpasses human understanding in my current Waiting Place. That is NOT me at all, but the work of the Spirit in my life. Sarah wants it mapped out, squared away, over and DONE, but the Spirit has brought some amazing grace AND peace into my life and led me to be still and wait.

My prayer in this time is to "redeem the time" -- may God use it for His good. Let us not squander our time of waiting twiddling our thumbs or raging at the circumstances of an unsold house (yes, you heard plenty of that last month) or spending energy beating the bushes for a buyer that simply isn't here now. I will spend this time in prayer that my life may be His, praying that I may hear His nudge of how best to honor Him in time of waiting.

I pray much for sweet Troy, too, in his new job and new town that he may be at peace since I think he's definitely got the short end of this deal without the support system that the kids and I have here.

I don't know WHY we are here: it may be for me, it may be for Troy, or the kids, or the buyer of this house, or the seller of the next house. I simply don't know. I simply know that I want to use this time to His glory.

One thing that brought me to this place is a song. I play it almost every day -- at least once if not 3 or 4 times -- in the car as my prayer. I had forgotten about it, but someone posted it on Facebook. The first time I heard this was a little over a year ago at a funeral.

Remember my friend Dana? She lost her beloved husband to cancer way too soon. I think he was 37. She spoke very eloquently at his funeral, and said that this song had allowed her to get through, then she played "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller (originally in the movie "Fireproof"). Then she sat down. Through a crowd of people, I could see Dana in her seat.

With tears streaking her gorgeous porcelain skin, she lifted her face and hands heavenward, and praised and worshipped to this song. Dana, as all people in grief, are now in a forever waiting place -- waiting to see their loved one. Remembering that moment has given me new resolve. If she, my beautiful, stubborn, strong friend can lift her hands in praise at her husband's funeral, then I can by golly buck up and lift my hands in praise waiting for a house to sell.

While I'm waiting...

A New Year, Same Old Junk

So. 2011. *sniff, sniff* Still smells like 2010 to me...

Remember how before the holidays I wrote (quite a bit) about not moving, etc.? Yeah, still not moving. Still tired of people asking when we are moving.

Resolutions? Plans? Goals?

See, I don't want to do ANY of that because it isn't neat and tidy. You see, it should all be color- coded on my calendar in my goal-setting and checking off and how to go about it. Yet, when I don't know when I'll be moving or my forwarding address, or any of that, I balk at planning ahead very much.

Yes, yes, grinchity, grinch. However, I have come to see the blessing in facing the black hole that is my 2011.

You see, I thought I had my 2010 all mapped out for me last year. I had goals and plans. I had ideas. I had thoughts. I boxed up my Christmas decorations having NO idea what 2010 would hold for me. And what a blessing that was. Sure, I was blindsided when tough times came, but I'm glad I didn't spend the first 6 months of the year dreading that moment.

And now? Now I'm glad that I know that 2011 will be a year of change, upheaval and transition for us. Obviously, I can't lie: I loathe the blackness stretching in front of us. The Unknown of when and where and how long. I LIKE having my calendar squared away and filled in. But I do know that God is here, through it all. God has ordained every day of my life before it ever dared to get written on a calendar. I don't HAVE to see the road ahead, because God is in it. I am thankful that I have that reminder through this time.

I have claimed Joshua 3:5 as a verse for our family for this year:

Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you.”

We are living expectantly that this road we are on will take us amazing places with the Lord.

For Nothing Is Impossible

As you might imagine, I'm a little single-minded these days, so this 'choose one thought' blog idea may not work out too well. They may seem to all center around the same theme for a while. I will try to vary the idea a bit throughout the week. But today, the idea centers around the same thing I spoke about last time: my house hasn't sold.

I have become very specific in my prayers with the Lord. And bold. My prayer is not that my house will sell "soon" or "quickly". You see, scripture tells me that a day with the Lord is like a thousand years. So, I am being very specific in telling the Lord every time I pray that I would please like my house to sell THIS MONTH. Sure, it's a long shot. Sure it's the holidays. Sure it's the worst economy ever. But He is God and I will boldly ask.

Yesterday, through a series of events that I'll share later God led me to read Luke 1. And in Luke 1, I have a verse highlighted and underlined.

v. 37: "For nothing is impossible with God."

Now, I realize there are 2 ways to take this. Obviously, I could hear it that selling my home this month is not impossible with God. OR me surviving it NOT selling this month is not impossible with God. But God and I (and all of you) know which way I want that to go!

That makes me think of Evan Almighty when God had told Evan there would be a flood on Sept. whatever. And on Sept. whatever Evan is standing there ON HIS ARK that he built and there is nary a cloud in the sky.

Evan's wife says, "Maybe... maybe God didn't mean a literal flood. Maybe He meant a flood of knowledge, or emotion, or awareness."
Evan replies, "Oh, if that's true, I am going to be so ticked."

Yeah. Please Lord.

So we wait, secure in the knowledge that nothing is impossible with God.

And tonight, while we wait, to reframe our minds, the kids and I will be volunteering with a local ministry to inner city children to deliver blankets, food, and gifts for the season. And we will then return to our warm home, that we still own, and be very grateful that we have it and for all that the Lord has given us.

"For nothing is impossible with God."

Just a Thought

Julie inspired my to dip my toe back into blogging ever so lightly.

If you don't want to clicky-click ALLLL the way over to Julie's spot, here is what she says:

"For some reason I find myself flush with ideas as I go about my day that I think would make most interesting blog topics. However, when I finally sit down at the computer they have flown from my mind, like birds seeking warmer places for winter...

It's not that I can't remember anything about my day, it's just that the writing impetus has gone, gone away...

So today I decided that surely for the next few days I could just write one sentence. Or better put, just one thought."

So I shall try to give you just one thought on my blog, but my dream last night was a foreshadowing of trying to catch that thought. I was trying to help a toddler out of water that was up to the top of her head. Her mother had no idea that the water was too deep for her and had left her. For some reason, I was hovering over the water. Let's not analyze, shall we. I would get within arm's reach of the toddler, and she would walk in a circle, trying to figure out how to get out of the water. This went on to a comedic level. I was frantically reaching for this toddler walking in circles in water. No, I never got her. The alarm went off.

Yes, my thoughts to capture are that elusive. Julie's one was about her Christmas lights that she is thankful for. We don't have any up right now. We don't have any Christmas out. My hope was that our house would at this point be "under contract" and we would be frantically packing, buying a new home, etc. Instead we are waiting on God's perfect timing to bring a buyer to our home.

And, if I had to give you one thought, it would be that, since that is the question I get most frequently, "How's the sale of your house going?" And my response is, "About like you would expect during the holidays of the worst economy of my lifetime..."

Most days I am at peace, but the past two nights I have slept like a baby. Meaning -- in 2 hour increments. And in my 2 hour increments, I'm evidently dreaming of near-drownings of toddlers. I'm not well rested which means I'm not in a super great frame of mind.

At one point when I was at peace, God brought to mind a verse I am claiming for our family for 2011. I know that at this point in time, God is taking us to a new town to do something... awesome for Him. I don't know what, but the hard part is waiting to get started.

Stirman family verse for 2011:
Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you." Joshua 3:5

Let's do this thing!

What A Difference 9 Years Makes

We are in the 'staging' phase of selling our house. We hope to get it on the market in the next 48-72 hours. This morning we had a friend come over who stages homes professionally. I THOUGHT I had looked at enough house listings to have a good idea of how to show our house well. This gal had great ideas but it involved some WORK on our end.

Troy and I were BOTH overwhelmed. Still are. But I did realize tonight the difference a few years can make in a move.

Nine years ago it would have gone like so:

She: we need to move that here, this there, and that over there.

Him: I'm not moving that.

She: silent and sullen, pouting and sad that it won't get done, but when asked, she is FINE

Now:

She: we need to move that here, this there, and that over there.

Him: I'm not moving that.

She: But what if I really want it that way?

(After two hours of shoving, pulling, rearranging, and vacuuming --- DONE).

And everyone lived happily ever after.