Today "Antonio" broke my heart. A 4th grader too old for his grade, he was so precious and soft spoken. When I asked why he wanted a big brother he said because his own big brother had passed away. Later he explained that his brother (18 at the time) went to go see his uncle, who was drunk. Uncle shot and killed him. It gets better. Antonio lives with other family members because dad lives in Mexico and mom is waiting to go to jail (or in jail -- I couldn't tell). Child Protective Services have removed him and his twin brother -- but couldn't keep them together. There are tons -- 6 or 7 -- of other kids, none living in the same town. 2 siblings currently in jail. And the reality is that Antonio will be there himself unless he finds his own way out of this hell. This is normal for him. Pray for the high school kid that will mentor him.
I love and hate the 3 wishes question: If you could have 3 wishes what would you wish for. I think I need to ask my kids that once a year. It's a cute indicator of their view of life -- and of how materialistic we all can be.
Antonio wanted his brother to come back to life and to be able to see his sister again (in prison in some far-away town, he wasn't even sure where). I was fighting back the tears and anger too much to remember the third wish.
Some of the answers that I remember (from various kids):
- That mom and dad would get back together
- That I could get my dog back (mom and dad recently divorced, and little girl couldn't keep her dogs in her new living arrangement)
- That my mom would find someone who would be nice to her
- That we didn't move around so much
It's hard for me not to be angry at parents. If people refuse to get their life together, please don't bring other little bodies into your life. I pray to let go of that frustration and anger and be thankful for people that volunteer through our program to hopefully show these kids a different way.
I haven't even mentioned Jamie, whose mom won't really spend time with her, and mom's boyfriend is waiting trial for sexually abusing Jamie. Jamie's dad is in jail. And Ray, whose dad is also in prison, and because he leaves his home campus to go to the gifted program, he is not eligible for my program. (he can get a lunch buddy or something else, but not be in my program) Don't let me forget Amy, who can't even answer, "Is that real mom and real dad that you live with?" because her "first dad" (who I believe to be real dad) told her she couldn't possibly be his kid, then David, her "second dad" was real nice to her. She has no idea who her father is.
I know this post isn't as funny as I like to be, but sometimes things just aren't funny. Kids that think that any of these situations is "normal" is heartbreaking. Our agency's "theme story" (I guess is a good thing to call it) is the story of the boy throwing the starfish back into the ocean. You can only make a difference to one at a time. If you take an hour long lunch once a week, you could very easily be a lunch buddy. Maybe you could change a kid's view of "normal" to actual normal.
