Today "Antonio" broke my heart. A 4th grader too old for his grade, he was so precious and soft spoken. When I asked why he wanted a big brother he said because his own big brother had passed away. Later he explained that his brother (18 at the time) went to go see his uncle, who was drunk. Uncle shot and killed him. It gets better. Antonio lives with other family members because dad lives in Mexico and mom is waiting to go to jail (or in jail -- I couldn't tell). Child Protective Services have removed him and his twin brother -- but couldn't keep them together. There are tons -- 6 or 7 -- of other kids, none living in the same town. 2 siblings currently in jail. And the reality is that Antonio will be there himself unless he finds his own way out of this hell. This is normal for him. Pray for the high school kid that will mentor him.
I love and hate the 3 wishes question: If you could have 3 wishes what would you wish for. I think I need to ask my kids that once a year. It's a cute indicator of their view of life -- and of how materialistic we all can be.
Antonio wanted his brother to come back to life and to be able to see his sister again (in prison in some far-away town, he wasn't even sure where). I was fighting back the tears and anger too much to remember the third wish.
Some of the answers that I remember (from various kids):
- That mom and dad would get back together
- That I could get my dog back (mom and dad recently divorced, and little girl couldn't keep her dogs in her new living arrangement)
- That my mom would find someone who would be nice to her
- That we didn't move around so much
It's hard for me not to be angry at parents. If people refuse to get their life together, please don't bring other little bodies into your life. I pray to let go of that frustration and anger and be thankful for people that volunteer through our program to hopefully show these kids a different way.
I haven't even mentioned Jamie, whose mom won't really spend time with her, and mom's boyfriend is waiting trial for sexually abusing Jamie. Jamie's dad is in jail. And Ray, whose dad is also in prison, and because he leaves his home campus to go to the gifted program, he is not eligible for my program. (he can get a lunch buddy or something else, but not be in my program) Don't let me forget Amy, who can't even answer, "Is that real mom and real dad that you live with?" because her "first dad" (who I believe to be real dad) told her she couldn't possibly be his kid, then David, her "second dad" was real nice to her. She has no idea who her father is.
I know this post isn't as funny as I like to be, but sometimes things just aren't funny. Kids that think that any of these situations is "normal" is heartbreaking. Our agency's "theme story" (I guess is a good thing to call it) is the story of the boy throwing the starfish back into the ocean. You can only make a difference to one at a time. If you take an hour long lunch once a week, you could very easily be a lunch buddy. Maybe you could change a kid's view of "normal" to actual normal.
4 comments:
Real isn't often funny - that's why we have to tell a joke sometimes.
The temptation is to say "Thank you, Father for all we have." That's not bad. But I always think - But by the grace of God, go I.
Denise
Children can be so resiliant, what they go through would traumatize an adult, but because it is all they know, they many times can deal with it pretty well. I know that there will be plenty of therapy needed later, but it is just one normal, sane, kind person who is needed to show them that their life can be different. One person to instill dreams in a young mind to give them an option when they grow up. Sometimes dreams are all you can take with you from one home to another, the saddest story is when there is no dream.
Obviously I had not read this when I spoke to you at school today. This definitely did not make me laugh, as your writing usually does.
These are our students you wrote about here. We face these heartbreaks every day with such precious kids. And some who are not so precious. But looking past that which makes them not present themselves as a precious being, one can understand why the react to situations the way they do.
Like you, it makes me angry with the parents who continue to bring children into this world only to ignore them, scream at them, or even hurt them. But in order to live everyday among the children and try to instill that dream in their souls, we must, as you said, get past the anger. And just love them. In spite of everything.
In case you can't tell, this subject is my soapbox. I could talk about it all day.
Thanks for your work with the kids. And pray for them every day.
Lois
I found out today that a kid I taught last year is going to juvenile lock up for 9 months to a year because he broke his probation yesterday. His name is Miguel. He's 12--close to 13. He's a soft-spoken, hispanic boy of average intelligence, very well behaved in my classroom. . .on a greased slide to his own type of hell. He was on probation for helping steal a car. He broke his probation by being with a kid who stole a bike on our jr. high campus.
I SHOULD say, "Well, he deserved what he got." I SHOULD say, "Hopefully this will straighten him out." I should say, as I have for others, "It's time he got out of here."
What did I say? I gasped for air, then burst into tears in a room full of other teachers, two of whom had already cried for Miguel yesterday when they heard.
Sad thing is, Miguel does not know we cry for him. He does not know the depths to which we would go to pull him out of this hole. He does not know that the same assistant principal who had to call the constable and help investigate the theft sat in her office overwhelmed with the responsibility of her job. He does not know. . .but that doesn't stop us from trying, from caring, from using the same tired phrases over and over hoping that some time they might just sink in.
How ironic that yesterday I had said, "This job (teaching) would be so much easier if we didn't care. If we could just show up, impart the information, and then go home, we'd have it made."
Not that simple.
Pray for Miguel for a second, please. He needs it.
And pray for those of us who do these jobs day in and day out--that we continue caring while we gain wisdom to do these jobs day in and day out.
I agree with Tammy. Kids are resilient. However I am finding the more I teach and the more I find out about kids, that there are some things they truly never do get over. Ever. We do the best we can with the time we have them.
God bless all of us.
R--
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