The Mosaic of My Life

My friend Julie makes mosaics. Beautiful pieces of art using broken glass, otherwise useless.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to return to the congregation where I grew up in Louisiana. I was privileged to speak to women that have had a hand in raising me: teaching me Sunday school,  accompanying me on youth trips. Many have prayed for me through the years and love my family because they are mine.

Returning to my family in Texas I considered where I am from and where I have ended up and the beautiful mosaic that God has created from all of the stops along the way. God has taken me to many different towns and places. Each place He has sent me many different women and people to mentor and love me throughout the years.

Thankfully, these gray hairs and wrinkles come with better vision -- not physical vision, that's declining with everything else. But my vision to see the broken pieces of my life being healed and used for God's glory, and the parts of my life that seemed pointless and a waste of time I can now see were all part of His tapestry for my life.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..." Jeremiah 29:11

Many of the disasters of my life seemed to be pieces shattered beyond repair at the time, or tiny fragments completely useless for any purpose. But God. As I offered them up to Him as a sacrifice of praise -- or, let's be honest, sometimes threw them at Him in disgust and said, "What in the world am I supposed to do with THIS???" -- He gently scooped up the pieces, gently picking out the beautiful parts.

God continues to make me into a beautiful mosaic masterpiece. I can't see the finished product -- just a jumble of broken pieces. But I have lived long enough to witness the beautiful work He has done, and I trust that as I submit each tiny shard of my life, He can create far more beautiful than I could ever imagine.

 Created from broken pieces -- unusable individually, but put together to become a beautiful work of His.

"Yet, O Lord, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand." Isaiah 64:8

Book Review: Diary of a Mad Fat Girl

I recently had the pleasure of reading Diary of a Mad Fat Girl for review for the BlogHer Book Club.

Cover pic from Amazon

 Diary of a Mad Fat Girl is set in Bugtussle, Mississippi with a likeable cast of characters. Graciela "Ace" Jones is a high school teacher with a bit of a temper and smart mouth.  Her two best friend teachers are Lilly and Chloe. Lilly is fired by the mean-spirited principal under suspicion of sleeping with a student. Ace and Chloe try to prove Lilly's innocence until Chloe's abusive husband becomes more volatile. So Ace sets off to ruin his reputation while saving Lilly's. All of this while trying to determine her feelings for a former boyfriend and keeping her beloved chiweenie dog, Buster Loo, in line. 

In short, I really enjoyed this book. It was a fun read, a quick read, and I found the characters real and enjoyable. Stephanie McAfee was born in Mississippi and now lives in Florida, so she gets it. She knows that there are so many stereotypes about the south because some of us are a stereotype of ourselves.

She touched on real issues like *wink, wink*ing at horrific educators because they are your Great Aunt Sue's cousin... or something, and domestic violence while keeping it real with Ace's chiweenie getting overly friendly at the dog park and Ace having fashion crisis when her thighs were too big. 


Parts were laugh out loud funny and cheer for the good guy victorious. An awesome book to take to the beach for a summer read.


Sarah's FULL disclaimer: (you know I can't give you any less than my 100% honest opinion!): I had a hard time liking Ace at first. She was VERY angry. About everything, it seemed. It seemed to settle down a bit and I saw her likeable qualities more. However, I found her language to be a bit coarse for what I would use in conversation. No expletives (that I remember) -- just some things that I wouldn't use in mixed company (and she didn't -- she was either talking to herself or her best friend). Not my cup of tea.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own. But you knew that.


If you would like to participate in other discussion about Diary of a Mad Fat Girl, head over to the BlogHer Book Club.

When a Disappoint May Be a Divine Appointment

Y'all know me.

I love words.

Big words. Little words.

A word nerd.

Thus it was that in trying to figure out how to spell the word 'disappointment', I was blown away by the fact that disappointment itself may lead to God's biggest plan for me yet.

I'm guest posting at (in)courage today. Come check it out.

Considering Valentine's Day

originally in Abilene Families

My family experienced some minor medical drama the week between Christmas and New Year's while traveling out of state. On one of my many trips to the drug store, I had to stop dead in my tracks. I was perusing the Christmas decorations and wrapping paper on clearance. I turned around to look for more, and was faced with a shelf full of boxes of Valentine's cards that children will use to declare love for classmates. Before the confetti of the New Year's holiday is swept up, the shelves in stores are fully stocked with hearts, balloons, and all manner of Valentine props and paraphernalia.

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 Maybe it's age, maybe it's motherhood, maybe it's global warming, but I don't think of Valentine's Day the same way that I did as a young, single woman or newlywed. Valentine's Day is a fun, light-hearted opportunity to lavish love on those around you, but life has shown me that love rarely looks like the front of a Hallmark card.

Love is not running along a beach hand in hand. Love holds the flashlight in the middle of the night, make-up long gone and tempers flaring, holding your tongue while your sweetie attempts an emergency home repair. Love isn't demonstrated by dewy eyes across a candlelit meal, but rather by one more run to the doctor or pharmacy when you are exhausted beyond reasonable or rational thought.

Valentine's Day lends itself to romance. Romance is wonderful and exciting, but won't take you very far when the stomach bug hits, or your "Love Shack" floods, or one of your parents is critically ill and/or dies. Romance will not be found in any of those situations, but love is there larger than life. Love brings the cool wash cloth again and again for the stomach bug, and mops and covertly repairs damaged keepsakes during the flood, and cries and holds and works and loves with an ill family member.

Love is not rose petals and champagne, but aching backs and work gloves. Love at my house never dances in an evening gown or tuxedo, but love supplies the elbow grease, the patience, the encouragement, and the clean clothes to face each day and, Lord willin' a comforting place to come home to when the day seems to come out on top. Love is holding tight when no words will fix it, and tears the only language uttered.

Love is not a polished, glimmery state. Love is messy, inconvenient, and frustrating. Love is giving up the last ounce of energy, sleep, time, or chocolate for the well-being of another. Love isn't found in romantic restaurants or destinations, but in hospital waiting rooms, the lobby of funeral homes, and kneeling in prayer next to race-car or princess beds in the middle of the night. Love is less about flowers and cartoon hearts, and everything about the value of another soul on this planet. I guess that's a little harder to put on the side of a coffee mug.

I will play along this Valentine's Day, like all the others, and I certainly hope for you to feel cherished on that day. But, later in the year when the toilet overflows while the drama at school comes to a boiling point and work causes too many demands to keep everyone civil, love will be there with a plunger, Kleenex for the tears, and hugs, pats, and kisses for all the things the plunger and Kleenex won't fix. Consider that your own Valentine's Day -- but don't look for Hallmark to make a card for it anytime soon.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

(Sarah's note: This was originally published three years ago and has been borrowed for sermons and published in various places around the Internet. It still is one of my personal favorites, too. Thankful for a day to stop and remember the love we have for each other, but more grateful for the God we worship that allows us to start over when we get it wrong.)

Strong In My Weakness

I caved. I gave in. I broke.

I just broke a 20 day streak without Diet Coke at lunch today.

Starting over.

Please don't feel obligated to tell me all the ways Diet Coke is horrible for me to try to encourage me to break my habit. I know.

By Evan-Amos (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

 As a migraine sufferer, I gave up Diet Coke "for good" in 2010. In my prolific reading about migraines and triggers, one point made sense to me: any triggers that you can get out of your life, you should, and caffeine addiction is an obvious one. This particular author recommended that migraine sufferers put down caffeine and never return to it. I did, and felt better.

(Yes, caffeine is used to treat migraines. Different story. I am happy to discuss what I know about migraines with you if you are interested. Email me.)

Made it all the way until June, too. Don't know why I took a sip or two of Satan's milk. But I did. And there you go. I was a goner. That six month stretch is the longest I've had since (but that also is when Troy lost his job, so trying to give up my serious addiction in the face of unemployment, then long-distance marriage/ single-motherhood/ house for sale, then move/ relocating teenagers.

January is when I tried (AGAIN) to really get off of it for good. I went a little too cold turkey on a rainy, hormonal week and kept a migraine for about 5 days, but I was NOT turning back at that point.

Last year, one (of my four) words for the year was "gentleness." This struggle has given me gentleness with those struggling with real addictions. If I can't lay down my bubbly goodness for more than 20 days, then I am sure not going to throw stones at people trying to walk away from tobacco, alcohol, a prescription they've found they rely on, or anything like that.

The Lord is also leading me to see that, though I am a healthy eater, I (still) have some food addictions I'm not quite ready to give up. Foods that I know aren't the best fuel for my workouts or body, but I just flat don't want to walk away from. I believe with all my heart (when it comes to types of food) that “ 'Everything is permissible'–but not everything is beneficial." (1 Cor. 10:23). And as I try to do what is most beneficial for me in my food choices, I find that I am very, very weak.


A friend urged me to claim 2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10 for this year:

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" 2 Corinthians 12:9,10 

Um... that's not very fun. But oh, so true. And I have seen the many many ways God will work if I will remember that He is strong in my weakness.

This sounds pretty heavy for one cup of Diet Coke, huh?


So... I'm taking suggestions on how to completely walk away from this habit. Starting over...NOW. I'm considering paying myself $1 or $2 (the cost of one out) when I am super tempted. When I break 20 days again, I'll either treat myself to something fun or keep saving up for something big. 

I think I used to be more strong-willed than this and just got tired. What about you? Strong willed? Habit you're trying to break? Want an accountability partner? I'm in!

Looking Back at My Struggles

It's a gray morning here. Rain is in the forecast, and my looming migraine tells me it's on the way.

I don't know -- now that I'm almost half-way through February -- that I will ever go back and confess to you how much I did not get accomplished on my Twelve by 2012 list. I think that was the post where I saw someone write, "I am not one to not finish what I started." It has become glaringly obvious to me that I rarely finish anything that I start.

Except a Diet Coke. 

Seriously.

I get in the middle of projects and leave them half-done and guilt-ridden in the middle of my floor. I make a meal for myself and am SO! HUNGRY! that I SAY to myself that I will clean it up later and... later never comes. As you can imagine, housekeeping is not my strong suit...

However, in looking at my list, I did (somewhat) accomplish 8 of my 12. Instead of registering for a half-marathon, I am now registered for a 10K at Cowtown. I just didn't feel ready to take on that level of training -- mentally or physically.

The thing that most people commented on the most was my "Sarah is unavailable file" -- my file of what will happen when I am deceased. Yeah, that is something I have started and never finished. Don't let anything happen to me until that is finished, okay? And if it does, someone give my poor dog her meds, okay?

I still haven't done much house decorating. Meh.

So, don't you worry. I still have plenty of things to work on IN 2012!

As 2012 is chugging along, I am being made aware day by day of marriages that are struggling, people that are battling some of my same battles, and so many heartaches and heartbreaks in this world.

God is putting on my heart what a blessing my past struggles have been. Places that I have struggled and come out stronger, places that I can look back and still see the battlefield. There are times in my life that I wouldn't take a million dollars to walk back through -- but I wouldn't take a million dollars for the experience, lessons, and blessings that came from those times. From big things like unemployment and marriage struggles and parenting doubts to small things like organizational challenges (yeah, still in the middle of that) to budget struggles (okay... still there) to the diaper days (NO! Not there!)

I am sad with the people that are in the midst of those struggles, but at the same time, I hope that I can foster hope by standing on the other side of the mire and saying, "You can get through it. I promise. I know it's hard. I know you want to quit. It is so worth it. Keep trying."

It's that hope word again. Only available through Christ in me. Powerful.
"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect," 1 Peter 3:15

And Christ in me also provides comfort:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Without the hope of Christ, without the comfort of Christ, my past struggles and battles would have completely overwhelmed and consumed me. But God. 

So grateful today. If you're in the midst of a struggle, may Christ in you offer you hope and comfort that another day will come, and that it's not forever. Blessings.

Seriously. I'm Here

I honestly didn't mean to be gone again FOREVER, but Jiminy Christmas -- what a week.

First -- Matt's funeral? Most beautiful and holy experience I have witnessed. So thankful we were able to make it.

My ladies class at church is studying the life of David. We had just, the week before, read 2 Samuel 12:19,20:
"David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.  “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.” Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped."

None of us could imagine worshiping the Lord after losing a child -- until I witnessed Matt's parents doing that very thing. Beautiful. Holy. Sacred.  


So.


We came back into town JUST in time for Ashley's appointment -- to get her driver's license! Yay! And for Riley to turn in his science fair project! ENORMOUS yay! Then there were mandatory meetings for a class Ashley is taking, orthodontist appointment, vet appointment, a band concert, groceries? You want groceries? Then Friday afternoon and ALLLLLLLLLLLL day Saturday I had a volunteer obligation as band parent. I was coordinating something for the Solo/ Ensemble contest that was being held at the high school campus. In short, Saturday was the longest day of my life and I spent most of it fantasizing about my Sunday afternoon nap.


And for some reason I signed up to give blood Monday afternoon. I knew I would be tired last night, but all day today it's pretty much been all I could do to walk across the room. Which is unfortunate, because I had grand plans to whip this house into shape after being ignored after all the comings and goings last week (I had a hair appointment yesterday morning and was gone all day). 


Through the mayhem of the time, my kids continue to be an affirmation that I have a blessed life. Not a perfect life, but immensely blessed.




Miss being here among you. On my way back. Pinky promise.

Surviving the 4th (or any holiday) Without Blowing Your Diet Progress

I am involved in a fitness/ weight loss class at my church. I wanted to encourage my class mates about the upcoming holiday and thought this would be the best place to write it all down.

You are welcome to "listen in"... or just wait and tune in when I have something else fascinating to say. :-)

Thoughts and ideas about how to get through the 4th without sabotaging your efforts:

1) Remember the reason for the holiday:
So many of us approach holidays and family gatherings as food-centered events. The average American gains 10-12 pounds from Thanksgiving to New Year's (and few take them back off the following year). So... if you think about it logically: simply because we appreciate the pilgrims, honor the birth of our Lord, and watch the calendar turn the page, we eat our way through 6-7 weeks? It really isn't a reason to eat. Nor is celebrating the freedom of our country. Focus on the people that you are gathered with, enjoy the company, and enjoy going home without feeling uncomfortably full.

2) Approach celebrations and parties with a plan:
Do you know what food will be there? Do you know which of those foods are your greatest temptations? Offer to bring some fruit so that you will have something to munch on instead of chips, as well as something you can snack on instead of cookies. Budget your calories to include your favorite foods. Maybe workout extra long in the morning so that you can have some potato salad.

3) Don't show up to a celebration starving:
Have a small snack of some nuts and/ or fruit, maybe some yogurt (something with protein) shortly before you go so that even the tablecloth doesn't look like a good snack!

4) Everything in moderation:
Anything at a picnic or celebration will fit into your calorie budget for the day -- if you stop with a few bites. Enjoy the bites that are truly worth it.

 “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is constructive." 1 Corinthians 10:23

5)Truly TASTE your food:
Is it worth the calories it will "cost" you on the budget? Or is it just forbidden fruit? It may not taste as good as you remember it. Taste test before you gobble!

And for "the day after..."
6) Don't step on the scale:
Even if you did all of these things -- you probably had more sodium than usual, and you'll be all prepared to pat yourself on the back... and be sorely disappointed. Or you didn't do any of these things and you want to know how badly to beat yourself up. No. Today's a new day, with the same calorie budget as yesterday. Slate is clean. Go.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22, 23

 7) Water is your friend:
Drink plenty of water (as you should be anyway). That will help flush out the sodium, any extra fluid you may have on board, and help get you back on track quickly. (I'm a HUGE fan of drinking LOTS of water -- all the time! It's basically my answer for everything!)

8) All is grace:
Remember to measure successes in a variety of ways, not just the numbers on the scale or the fit of your clothes. You have to have success with your relationship with food before you have permanent success on the scale. Were you able to stop at one dessert instead of needing 3? VICTORY! Did you only have a half-serving of Aunt Margie's potato salad (when you REEEEAAAALLLLY wanted to sit down with the whole bowl)?? SUCCESS!! Don't beat yourself up for the mountain that you have yet to climb. Turn around and enjoy the view behind you -- and realize that you have the power to PERMANENTLY leave it behind you.

And keep climbing! Just one baby step at a time!

Annnnnnd... Losing Momentum Again....

I had grand plans to try and get something real on the ol' blog today.

But when I woke up this morning, my phone was exploded with texts and phone calls.

And now, I have to wake up this adorable young lady to tell her that this precious young man -- the flashlight tag champion of her birthday party, and a dear buddy since 3rd grade -- quit breathing yesterday and is now healthy and whole and running the streets of gold in heaven.
 And I just don't know how to do that or much else today.

Hug everyone you love extra tight today.

Momentum: Losing, Finding, and Gaining

I'm a ponderer. An over-thinker, probably.  This week, I'm considering momentum. Too much, I'm sure.

I seem to have lost momentum in many areas of my life. Blogging being the most obvious (to any of you that happen by the ol' COTR).

I've also lost momentum in my running. While we have been enjoying a mild winter here in the 'burbs, the last few weeks have been fits and starts of running for me. The week between Christmas and New Year's was AWESOME -- perfect weather and my running partner and I could both run a little later than usual, so we logged in a consistent 5 miles every day for that week.

Then... weather, migraines, and life got in the way. I was logging about one run a week for the last 3. Most of this week I kept a migraine, it rained all week. Blah!

Then... I remembered: The Freeze Your Thorns Off 5k! Oh, yeah! How could I forget?

Misplaced comma alert. It's actually January 28, 2012. But who would notice?

 Adam  -- unquestionably the funniest running blogger out there -- hosted a virtual 5k today/ this weekend-ish. As you can see by the guidelines, the rules are fairly loose for a virtual 5k. I signed up, knowing that I would likely be out running anyway -- then my running partner and I signed up for the 10k portion Cowtown Marathon race series.

Today we planned to meet quite early (I had a 9 a.m. meeting) and knock out 5 miles to prepare for our race.

Walking to meet her, I was definitely freezing my thorns off -- it was only 42* (we've run MUCH colder) but the stupid wind was about 15 mph. I waited and waited and waited and WAITED -- very unlike my very prompt running partner. I did get to snap this awesome pic while waiting (and many more).

 I waited 10 minutes and took off running. Also unlike me (still forgetting about the virtual 5k). I usually go home and go back to bed when my running partner doesn't show. Yes, I am THAT committed.

Here's the deal: BEST! RUN! EVER!! Okay, I don't know if it was the best run ever, but it's the best 5 miles I have run in at least the last 18 months. Besides eating well this week (I'm discovering different ways to eat quinoa! Go me!) I think the "Tabata" workouts I have thrown in the last two weeks have really helped (sprint intervals workouts explained here).

Halfway through! Freezing my thorns off!

Today was a great day to get out and run -- and find some momentum again. So glad I went.

As For Me, I Will Have Hope

I just have a moment to check in here. I am on my way out of town -- I am FIRED UP excited!

I am headed to Houston to celebrate with a group of ladies -- a year's worth of scripture memory work! The Siesta Scripture Memory Team Celebration is this weekend and I leave in a few short hours and, of course, have a bajillion things to do before I leave (and, guarantee, I WILL forget to pack something important). (If you aren't familiar with Beth Moore's blog and you don't understand what a siesta has to do with scripture -- follow the link and do some reading... it's a long story).

I didn't think I really wanted to go. But I had committed to go with someone. Our budget is very tight (we've recently had a big "destination celebration," you know...) and I'm kind of sloggy... just all of it. However, now that it's here, I am SO excited to go.

One of the HUGE blessings that I am looking forward to: I get to meet a dear friend! I don't mean meet up with -- I mean meet for the first time! Allow me to 'splain. YEARS ago Leigh and I started reading each other's blogs. Then Facebook came along. And Twitter. And she and I both do all of that and keep up with each other there. We are prayer warriors for each other, and laugh at each other. She is a fired up passionate warrior for the Lord. And, guess what?? She will be in Houston this weekend! I finally get to meet my dear friend! It is already the highlight of the weekend for me! :-)

Before I go I wanted to share with you the word the Lord is whispering to me for 2012.

Picture via bles-id blog

Through the last month of 2011 I came to realize what a powerful force 'hope' is. There are many stories of where just a tiny drop of hope came into my day to remind me that God hears, God sees -- and how that tiny drop of hope can truly lift your spirits and make you feel physically better.

Hope. The opposite of despair.

 Then, as I came across Jeremiah 29:11, for probably the gazillionth time, I was struck for perhaps the first time by the word "hope."

This sign can be purchased in WallBling etsy shop

 We look to that verse frequently to be reminded that when our life is spinning, seemingly out of control, God knew it would go this way. And He is in it. And I believe that. (GREAT post about why it's a bad idea to throw this verse at other people whose life is out of control, though).

I was struck that God not only wants to give me a future -- he wants to give me hope, too! He knows what a powerful force hope is, and wants me to have that feeling -- the feeling that is the opposite of despair. The lightness of hoping that something better is to come.

Perhaps I've taken that completely out of context. Perhaps a more scholarly person would tell me I have that verse all wrong. But for now, I have hope. And Psalm 130:5 tells me that's what His word shall provide.

Uploaded by Sue Dudley to Pinterest

Pinspirational: Sweet 16 Party

I'm sure you remember that my girl turned 16 some time ago.

I say it that way because I seem to have lost all track of time. I guess it's been almost two weeks now.

She told me very early on that she wanted to go back to our former town to celebrate her birthday, which didn't surprise me. Sixteen is kind of a big deal to a girl, you know, and you don't celebrate it with people you only have casually known for 4 months. Nope. You go all out with life-long buds. And we did.

A table loaded with candy. And the cake. Awesome.

I think I've mentioned that I'm generally not very good at the party planning. I tried not to break out in hives about a long distance party. I think, overall, I succeeded, but I may or may not have already offered Ashley $5,000 to elope (NOT ANYTIME SOON, MIND YOU).

Since it was a) Sweet 16 and b) Ashley we settled on a theme of CANDY!! Who doesn't love candy? That way, it was a great party for all ages -- Ashley wanted to invite several entire families that have been important to her throughout her life.

Gift table. Faux candy made with plates and cellophane.

 Of course, Pinterest was my best friend and worst enemy throughout all of this.

I found things that I neither a)could afford to do or b) had the time or gumption to do. Remember how I slog through the winter? Remember how this was the week after New Year's?  I just kept telling myself that these kids had never seen my pins on Pinterest, and even if they had, they were too blinded by sugar to know any different.

More candy on the tables. Also, pics of Ashley throughout the years.

 As I was looking for pictures of Ashley to put on the tables, I came across a few pictures of when I was teaching her class Sunday School -- the summer after they finished first grade. About 7 or 8 of the kids that would be at the party were in the pictures, so I brought those, too. I love history with people.

The CandyLand path is simply scrapbook card stock.

Ashley did a great job of figuring out things to do for people of all ages. As you can tell, we had to have it at our former church building. And in January, who knows what the weather would be (it was awesome that day -- but chilly!) so we couldn't count on doing anything outside. So... how about a game of flashlight tag! Flashlight tag is basically hide and seek in the dark where 'it' uses the flashlight to tag someone.

The balloons next to the CandyLand path look JUST like suckers, right? They would if you had time to wrap each of them in cellophane. Which we did not. But it's a great idea if you have time.

Since there were people there who were familiar with the building and people who were not, people could hide in teams of 2 or 3, being sure to partner with someone who knew the building.

The cake is from one I found on Pinterest. Can't find the original link.

 The cake was supposed to have big swirly suckers sticking out of it -- but the lady that made it was nervous about how heavy the suckers were. And I didn't have time to go buy the smaller, spiral suckers which probably would have worked. It didn't originally have the Skittles stuck to each dot on top, but Ashley's former youth minister felt that it was lacking something. Perhaps he had a bit too much sugar, too. The cake tasted great and was precious, to boot.

Besides flashlight tag (who knew the kid in the motorized wheelchair would be so good at hide and seek??) the biggest hit of the evening (that was absolutely not my idea) was the photobooth and the props. Because it was a last minute station/ decision, I didn't have anyone standing there with a camera like I would have liked. So I don't have everyone that was in attendance at the party from the photobooth. However, the kids that were there had a great time with it by themselves, using their cameras on their phones.

The party was so much fun and a grand time was had by all.

I told someone the next day that I honestly can't imagine what a wedding is like -- when people that love your child all gather to honor him/ her AND so many people help and work to pull it off (it took a village to make this happen). I was truly humbled and overwhelmed. You can't say "thank you" enough or  in enough ways to express what it truly means for other people to put forth so much effort to make an event special for your child. I can only pay it forward, I suppose.

Let's Get This Party Started! Two Weeks Later...

Well. Well, hello, there!

Yes, yes this is me. Why in heaven's name would I burst into the blogging scene of 2012? I don't do much bursting in the winter. Slogging is what I do. And oh, how I slog.

But there is so much I want to tell you. And I will. Pinky promise, 'kay?

Like what we did to celebrate a 16th birthday. It was WAY super fun. (We did NOT get a driver's license. Yet. Did you know that out here in the big city/ 'burbs you have to make an APPOINTMENT at your DMV to THEN go wait for hours to take your driving test?? We did not know that until the week before her birthday. Then we did not know until the week OF her birthday that you could make the appointment online. Did you also know that you have to parallel park? Yeah -- if you have any great suggestions on how to teach a 16 year old how to do that, I'm all ears...)

And how I did on my 12 by 2012. Meh. Let's just say that I'm hoping that 50% counts as passing. (I think I may have done a tiny bit better than 50%, but I'm too scared to look right now).

And if I've set any goals for 2012. I did. I even wrote them down. And now I don't remember where I wrote them. Perhaps when I find them I should add "organization" to them. Did you set any goals?

And my word for 2012. I love my word for 2012. God keeps whispering it to me. Ooooh... there's an old hymn by that name, too... I'm not going to tell you now. I hope God is whispering a word to you, too. As a matter of fact, I'm positive that He is. Keep listening.

And... newsflash...! I MADE something from Pinterest! Better still -- it was ADORABLE!!

I know, I know! This post is simply a tease. I shall really write for real later this week.

I'm still applying for jobs right and left. I'm learning that parenting teens is not for the faint (or tender) of heart, but definitely improves your prayer life. And my Christmas present to myself with some Christmas money? This bad boy... Oh, yeah, I got a light therapy box. (and dang, I'm hacked that I linked to that -- now $10 cheaper than I paid for it! Ugh!) I don't winter well (I slog, remember?) and I'm trying to alleviate the slogging through the gray days.

I hear people say all the "you can't appreciate the sunshine if you don't have a little rain" mantras, but some day I shall write and explain the literal fog that comes across my brain after 48 hours of gray. Then the weeping begins. It isn't a dislike -- I dislike the cold. I dislike intense heat. -- this is a physical reaction to a lack of sunlight. And, if you think I'm a whack job that just threw money away on a bright light... I'm totally okay with that, too.

Must run. No license yet means I'm still on carpool duty. Two weeks from today is license test day! Say a prayer for all of us!

Tell me how YOUR 2012 is starting! I've missed all of you!

Happy Birthday to Ashley!

I still vividly remember standing at the kitchen sink, about to leave for the hospital, sixteen years ago this morning. Everything had been done. The house was spotless. My bag was in the car. The car was running. Troy was standing at the door --- it was a BEAUTIFUL day, but cold -- and the sun shone in through the door so brightly I could barely see him. And I cried.

I was terrified of labor, but way more than that, I was terrified of the little life that would come home with me. Did these people know that I was doing good to balance my checkbook? That I liked to eat popcorn for a meal? Should I really be trusted with a real child?

I didn't realize until her brother came along what an easy child she was, but what a ray of sunshine this strawberry blond girl has been. She has talked and sung and laughed her way into all of our hearts. She does not know a stranger and has a ready smile for everyone. People of all ages are drawn to her, and she to them.

Ashley has always had the gift of compassion. She cannot stand for anyone to be left out, or have hurt feelings, not be included, or not be treated the same as anyone else. I frequently look to her as my moral compass -- because she is a quality guide.

Ashley, I am so thankful that you are a walking ministry of grace and mercy. I have needed it at least on a weekly basis as your mom, and you have doled it out by the bucket full. I love being your mom and seeing the joy you bring to so many people -- and me! I am thankful for your heart for other people, while you listen for Jesus to lead you the next step. I won't even talk about how it makes ME feel for you to be 16, but I can't wait to see how God continues to mold you into a beautiful woman for Him.

Duchess on the Run

originally in Abilene Families

“Ugh. Fine. Run, Duchess, Run.”

Why is it that a dog that deems it too cold and drizzly to go out in the back yard (where one would argue large dogs belong) is perfectly okay with bolting out an open door into the front yard where the weather is equally cold and drizzly?

It didn’t matter why, the fact was that my dog was on the lam AGAIN and one child was about to be late for school. I glanced at my dog happily frolicking in the neighbor’s yard, knowing that I had a choice. I could go try to get her back, watching her continue to bolt and run, (a game I don’t enjoy but that she could play for hours). Or I could get my daughter to school and let her run.

Either way, it would be a while before I secured my dog again. Off I went to school, knowing my dog hates yukky weather as much as I do, and that she would likely be waiting for me upon my return, pouting at the wait to get in.

Gone about 20 minutes with no Duchess waiting on my front doorstep when I returned, I went inside to check messages on my machine. I have met at least 50% of my neighborhood starting with a phone call alerting me that a kind person had grabbed my wayward dog and would hold her until I could come get her.

When I saw there were no new messages on the machine, my heart dropped with a new realization: Duchess lost her tags this summer and we never replaced them. I started to get physically ill as I realized that my dog was out playing freely in the neighborhood,  trusting that I had it under control to get her back when she decided she was ready to come home. Misplaced trust equaled misplaced dog, perhaps for good. Very sad me.

All day I periodically walked outside calling her name. I drove the neighborhood, scanning all bushes, allies, and alcoves for my Duchess. I called the pound. Nothing.

My daughter and I left on a previously arranged trip, leaving my husband and son to welcome Duchess home when she found her way back. I held onto that hope, but that didn’t happen. Days went by, and no Duchess. We became very familiar with the personnel at the pound, calling daily to hear, “No, I’m sorry.”

With every passing day, my hopes of recovering our furry family member grew more and more dim. Even the free ‘Lost’ ad in the “Reporter News” classifieds brought no result.

The fifth day, I finally got a different answer at the pound: “Yeah, you may want to come check.” Walking the cages, there were 12 dogs I wanted to take home, 3 that looked just like Duchess, but no Duchess... until... she heard my voice and came inside, jumping and wriggling, ready to be through with Duchess’ Grand Adventure of 2009. Oh, if that muzzle could talk.

With Duchess returned to her rightful throne, I have repented of my irresponsible pet owner ways. I immediately got her a replacement tag. That was only $8, compared to the $20 it cost me to get her out of the pound, not to mention the days of heartache and guilt (and gasoline driving around).

Please learn from my mistake: if your furry family member doesn’t have a tag, please get one today. If s/he hates a collar, consider a micro-chip. Your animal is trusting that you have it all under control. Do you?

Marriage Monday: Five Resolutions for Your Marriage This Year

Happy New Year, one and all, you lovely people!! I hope that the year has started off well for you and you are on your way to a prosperous and successful 2012.

My kids started back to school today -- TODAY!! -- and that is a rude awakening, I tell ya. My running partner and I, after some glorious 5 mile runs basking in the sun the last 2 weeks (she is a school administrator in a nearby district) were back running in 35* cold at 5:15 this morning. *grumble, grumble*

I also don't feel like I've had time to really ponder, plan, and meditate like I like to around the holidays. There was just a lot of noise and goin's on around my house -- which is a sign of a full and wonderful life -- but I like to evaluate the last year (perhaps it's just as well I didn't spend to much time thinking on that one) and plan for the next.

Did you make goals and/ or resolutions? I like to call mine goals. Resolutions sound so... well, resolute. Final. Goals are something to aim for (that I may or may not make). Goals have wiggle room to me.

Bob is making a wonderful resolution -- to be more grateful. Don't we all have room to be more grateful? I definitely do. (and now I will say I am thankful for my running partner so that I will drag my rear out of bed on 35* mornings and go run... gratitude).

It's a good idea to make goals or resolutions for our marriage. I say this, partly because Marriage Monday fell on the 2nd day of the new year (being honest!! :-), but being even more painfully honest, the reality is that while I'm here at The Cleft of the Rock preaching to all you good people about taking time for your spouse and your marriage, I simply have not. 2011 was a tough year for our family, and I did what so many people do: took care of everyone and everything except for my marriage.

Because I am married to a good and wonderful man, I still have a grace period to get back on track. But, like cleaning a dish right after you use it verses four days later (yes, I have experience with both) it would have been much easier to do a long time ago -- now I have much more work to do.

So, some resolutions I shall be making, and you are welcome to join me:


1) Pray for my spouse: No brainer. On the grouchy days, taking my spouse before the Lord is a way to bring all into perspective. God brought me this man, God blessed our union, and God drug our marriage out of the fire at one point. Praying for my spouse will likely have more effect on me than him, and it won't hurt him, either. Stormie O'Martian has a good book about praying for your spouse, but I have also found this set of cards (it's in the middle of the blog post here) that reminds you to pray for something different about your spouse every day -- and to pray for yourself to be a better spouse. Oh, indeed.


2) Make my marriage a priority: This is pretty all-encompassing. The main thing I'm thinking of here is bringing back date nights (I've been saying we are going to do that for, what,  4 months??) but I want to include reading about improving my marriage, going to a workshop or seminar, things that signify to myself, Troy, and the rest of the world: "This is REALLY important, OKAY??" Because it is.


3) Remember the romance: I don't just mean the physical aspect of our relationship, though that is crucial to a healthy marriage. I mean the small, ooey, gooey things it takes to "date" my husband --  some of that will include little touches and stolen kisses. But it will also be phone calls "just because" and cards and notes hidden away for him. Things we did "back in the day."


4) Let it Go: I've known Troy for over 20 years and we've been married for over 19 now. Sadly, I remember a LOT of times that he has hurt my feelings (I have a good memory -- sue me. I also remember some really cool stuff...). I also now have a list in my head of "he ALWAYS does..." of things that are completely inconsequential -- where he puts things in the pantry, how/ where he parks my car when he uses it (I KNOW how this makes me sound -- I'm being confessional!) If, heaven forbid, God does not grant us all of 2012 together, I do NOT want either of our last memories to be of me griping about where he put the peanut butter back in the pantry.

5) Play together: This one is REALLY hard for us. Again... I'm not talking about our physical relationship. Troy and I don't relax in the same way. Date night is often simply food and a movie. Which is fine, but it could be so much better. We do both enjoy the outdoors, just in different ways. We need to find ways that the two of us can relax together, play together. And I'm open to suggestions -- if you know of anything cool (especially free or cheap) to do in the Dallas area, I would love to hear about it.

I could add several here, but this is all I think I can focus on for now. Trey had some great resolutions for the new year, as well.


What about you? Do you plan to make resolutions for your marriage this year?

From the Archives: Friends In Unlikely Places

(I am taking a bit of a bloggy break this week. I am posting some of my all-time top 5 posts throughout this week. Enjoy)

Nine years ago, my home was flooded, I wasn't living in my house, I had a husband whose job required him to travel, two small children, we were being sued (I haven't told that captivating story on the blog), and I was keeping a baby 2-3 days a week. In short, I was a wreck.

I ran myself over to what would have been the closest gym if we lived in our house and signed up. I decided that I deserved just a little bit of me time and that was going to be it. I had no idea the significance that decision would play in the next 9 years of my life.

Soon I was attending classes there and met Laura, who had also recently joined that gym. Laura is a local preacher's wife who likes to not fit the preacher's wife mold. My earliest memory of her at the gym -- NO idea what we were discussing, but Laura laughed and said, "Honey, we've been married almost 15 years. If I shave my legs, that's foreplay." Yeah, I was going to like Laura.

I think Amy was there all along. Amy is a little more like me. Seemingly quiet... until she has an opinion. I know when the gym moved to "the new place" (where it's been for 7 years now) that Amy was there and that's when Amy and Laura and I all started going to some of the same classes regularly.

Before too long I got a job -- stinkin' income! -- and had to quit that regular class and sorely missed my friends. I would catch them on every other Friday, but it wasn't the same (of course). In time, I quit that job (theoretically to write, but we all know it was so I could work out with my friends! :-)

The class that we went to most often together was a weights class -- Body Pump if you know it. I'll be honest. We would talk all the way through it. Oh, we were working out (want to feel my biceps?) but we were catching up on life and diverting our attention from the pain in the mean time.

For the record -- we were frequently in trouble in class for our talking. We got talked to by the teacher -- and would stop talking for a while. Then the people on the other side of the class would start talking, inspiring us to continue our conversations. Until we got ugly looks from the front row. Or chewed out by the angry exerciser. And the cycle would start again. Truly, we had long conversations (at Starbucks -- not in class) about this.

Through class or at Starbucks we discussed it all, big and little. We talked our way through children's illnesses and surgeries, sports victories, defeats, and struggles, we've wrestled, prayed, and cried through two husband's unemployments, struggled over parenting decisions and children's heartbreaks, frequently coming to tears right there at the weight rack.

Muscles and bodies grew stronger, and so did the friendship. I honestly had NO IDEA how much those girls -- my "gym buddies" as they became known around my house -- meant to me. Until I needed someone to be strong. Or consistent. Or both. And they were.

(My two closest gym buddies, Amy, far left, and Laura, in yellow then me, and Rebekah our body pump instructor, far right, my last day at Body Pump the day I moved)

Holiday Hangover

originally on heartlight

Here it is just a few days after Christmas and I've done it again: I'm suffering from yet another holiday hangover. Not the kind that comes from indulging in too much alcohol, though the fit of my pants indicates that overindulgence of something needs to be addressed. I have the kind of holiday hangover you get from overspending, overeating, over-scheduling, and overdoing.

Every year I start the season with a deep resolve and an optimistic plan. I will budget for Christmas for several months so that my family will not be eating lint-covered Christmas candy from the bottom of our stockings as a meal by mid-January. I will deck the halls in manageable stages so that I am not getting out the last of the decorations on December 24 to put away on December 26. I will limit our family's activities so that when it comes time to distribute the gifts on Christmas morning we still recognize each other. Those are always the plans. Then I wake up, it's December 26, and this Christmas season has looked like all of the others.

It's the expense of Christmas that gets me every year. The postage for the Christmas cards, the "one last" decoration we need, the "little gifts" that add up and add up, even the food we consume this time of year seems to total a staggering amount. Then my children are out of school and expect to eat during the day. What's that about? I bought them Christmas gifts, they expect me to feed them, as well? And wouldn't it be a lovely Christmas outing for us to go to the movies together as a family? Kids, I hope you learned something, because we just spent your first year of college on a two hour movie and one tub of popcorn. Even with gasoline prices dropping, a 1,000 mile trip isn't cheap on the fuel tank!

I try not to resent the overwhelming total of this time of year. It is completely within my power to change what my family spends and every year I have grand intentions of doing just that. But I seem to simply take the path of least resistance and most expense, and then gripe about it.

So here it is the limbo-week between Christmas and New Year's — time to look back and look forward. I have a moment to slow down and evaluate. Financial folks will tell you it's time to make an end of year evaluation of your finances. Once I've found all the spare change in the couch, I'm through with that exercise. It's also a good time to take an overall life evaluation. Is what I'm living reflecting what I say I believe?

My thoughts turn to the expense of the season. I look back and count the outrageous cost of this holiday. I repent of my extravagance as I think about the original cost of this holiday: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son ..." (John 3:16 NIV). I sprinkle the financial blessings God has given me on various things throughout this season, but God gave all He had for the season. He allowed his only child to leave his heavenly home and come to this flawed world. He did that so "... that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). Amazing.

I look toward 2012 with a grateful heart. Thankful for another day, possibly another year, to live a life of gratitude, possibly a life of moderation, and share His blessings with the people He puts in my path.

From the Archives: Considering Valentine's Day

(I am taking a bit of a bloggy break this week. I am posting some of my all-time top 5 posts throughout this week. Enjoy)

originally in Abilene Families

My family experienced some minor medical drama the week between Christmas and New Year's while traveling out of state. On one of my many trips to the drug store, I had to stop dead in my tracks. I was perusing the Christmas decorations and wrapping paper on clearance. I turned around to look for more, and was faced with a shelf full of boxes of Valentine's cards that children will use to declare love for classmates. Before the confetti of the New Year's holiday is swept up, the shelves in stores are fully stocked with hearts, balloons, and all manner of Valentine props and paraphernalia.

Maybe it's age, maybe it's motherhood, maybe it's global warming, but I don't think of Valentine's Day the same way that I did as a young, single woman or newlywed. Valentine's Day is a fun, light-hearted opportunity to lavish love on those around you, but life has shown me that love rarely looks like the front of a Hallmark card.

Love is not running along a beach hand in hand. Love holds the flashlight in the middle of the night, make-up long gone and tempers flaring, holding your tongue while your sweetie attempts an emergency home repair. Love isn't demonstrated by dewy eyes across a candlelit meal, but rather by one more run to the doctor or pharmacy when you are exhausted beyond reasonable or rational thought.

Valentine's Day lends itself to romance. Romance is wonderful and exciting, but won't take you very far when the stomach bug hits, or your "Love Shack" floods, or one of your parents is critically ill and/or dies. Romance will not be found in any of those situations, but love is there larger than life. Love brings the cool wash cloth again and again for the stomach bug, and mops and covertly repairs damaged keepsakes during the flood, and cries and holds and works and loves with an ill family member.

Love is not rose petals and champagne, but aching backs and work gloves. Love at my house never dances in an evening gown or tuxedo, but love supplies the elbow grease, the patience, the encouragement, and the clean clothes to face each day and, Lord willin' a comforting place to come home to when the day seems to come out on top. Love is holding tight when no words will fix it, and tears the only language uttered.

Love is not a polished, glimmery state. Love is messy, inconvenient, and frustrating. Love is giving up the last ounce of energy, sleep, time, or chocolate for the well-being of another. Love isn't found in romantic restaurants or destinations, but in hospital waiting rooms, the lobby of funeral homes, and kneeling in prayer next to race-car or princess beds in the middle of the night. Love is less about flowers and cartoon hearts, and everything about the value of another soul on this planet. I guess that's a little harder to put on the side of a coffee mug.

I will play along this Valentine's Day, like all the others, and I certainly hope for you to feel cherished on that day. But, later in the year when the toilet overflows while the drama at school comes to a boiling point and work causes too many demands to keep everyone civil, love will be there with a plunger, Kleenex for the tears, and hugs, pats, and kisses for all the things the plunger and Kleenex won't fix. Consider that your own Valentine's Day -- but don't look for Hallmark to make a card for it anytime soon.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Time Marches On -- A Little Too Quickly

originally in Abilene Families

Dirty clothes, graded papers, a video game cover, a roll of colored duct tape, part of a uniform that needed to be washed weeks ago, and a stuffed animal loved to the point of needing repair all litter the floor. I step over and around and pick my way through the teen detritus. Asked to bring something to school, I have entered the war zone.

I sigh and marvel.  I can’t resist sending a snarky comment via text: “Is there a religious reason the food wrappers are sitting on your dresser right next to your trash can? Are you morally opposed to trash cans?”

The truth is I am cherishing every bit of the hallowed mess. The broken pencils, movie stubs, football cleats, hair bands, ribbons for accomplishments, ripped papers indicating not-quite accomplished all sum up the essence of the child-metamorphosing-into-adult that lives here.

My teens are at a stage of life that has them swiftly heading away from me. Time is going entirely too fast. Before I know what has happened this room will fill with boxes then empty, save a few keepsakes and pieces of furniture. I want to see the joy in the mess and mayhem of life with them, because life without them will be far less colorful.

Every year as we prepare to usher in the new year, the word “TIME” gongs through my head like Big Ben’s chimes. Every year it seems the chimes come faster than they did the year before.

The alarm clock sounds, the school bell rings, the oven beeps that dinner is ready, all the sounds in one day, then another. GONG. The calendar pages flip, Christmas music is playing, now “Pomp and Circumstance,” soon it will be strains of “The Wedding March.” GONG.

Just short weeks ago we were in the thick of football, soccer, and marching band season. My daughter’s band had one movement that had the marchers form a clock. For the dream sequence it represented, though, the hands moved backward. As marching band gods would have it, the one I was there to watch on that field was positioned at precisely the midnight hour on the clock. GONG.

Oh, that I could turn back those hands on the clock just for a moment. We would have one more picnic in the front yard just because it’s Thursday. I would steal one more bony, squirmy pajama-clad cuddle after bath when everyone smelled soapy and fresh. I would read that Little Critter book one more time. Everyone would wear Superhero costumes to the grocery store -- even me -- because if we aren’t there to save the day, who will?

The clock isn’t turning back, though, and this day that I am standing in is the only one I have. Right here, right now, amidst an explosion of teen keepsakes, accessories, clothing, and, well, trash, this is what I have of these precious things, gifted to me by the universe. A whirlwind of comings, goings, late nights, early mornings, misunderstandings, apologies, and hugs that I have to reach up to receive.

So I find joy in the mess and the mayhem. And maybe, when I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll figure out what in heaven’s name that spot on the carpet is and tackle it.