Even If I Got it All Together, I Wouldn't Remember Where I Put It

Roxanne and I have been friends for a LONG time. A long time. We know each other. Mostly. I think I still say things that surprise Roxanne about me, and I tend to forget that my laugh-a-little-too-loud-too-long friend is a very capable, rockin' middle school teacher/ expert in teenage angst. But she had a great observation about me not too long ago.

We were catching up. I was mentioning that I had read a blog post about one person struggling the last few years and I was just floored. I told Roxanne that I know that from reading the blog, I have a limited vantage point, but from the blog and some other bits of information I have, this person's life seems to have completely fallen into place the last few years. Or, maybe, more accurately, fell into a place that I would like to be. I simply said it to observe, "You never know what's going on with people, you know?"

She pointed out that were someone to happen upon my blog, see my well-coiffed picture that Tammy took of me, and hear some of my day-to-day what-have-yous (she did point this out on a day that precious Michelle from Fresh Brewed Life put most of Coffee Group on a conference call to write us up for the website, and I got a new writing gig for the local paper), someone may think that I, too, have it all together. Well, bless. I simply do not....

Occasionally when someone realizes that I'm a certified teacher that interprets for the deaf at my church and teaches swimming lessons in the summer for extra dough, with an occasional article in a local magazine AND exercises on a regular basis, I will get, "Well, what DON'T you do...?"

The list is so very, very long.

I usually start with the most obvious (to me):
I don't keep a clean house. I LOVE having a clean house, but I get it that way about 4 times a year. In a good year. I turn a blind eye to clutter that would drive other people to drink.

I couldn't make it teaching. I guess if Troy got run over by a bus tomorrow and I needed more steady income than the sum total of the -$0- that I am currently earning as a writer, I would find a way. But, as it stands currently, I was unable to function in a job millions of men and women do every day quite successfully, and the job that I have a college degree in. That's a long therapy session right there.

I burn dinner, I serve it cold, I serve it how my family hates it, and I get grouchy when they don't like it. I frequently just walk away from the dirty kitchen (Troy usually takes care of it, but if he doesn't, I can hardly face it by the time I've already been in the kitchen an hour).

I do NOT make my family breakfast. I just can't. It's too early for me to function for people that have to be out of the house at a certain time... like all of us.

I'm horrible with our finances and, going on the unfortunate bus scenario for Troy again, I have NO idea what's what with our retirement (judging from the stock market, I'm sure I'm happier not knowing, but I don't know). I wasn't quite so bad with our finances when I was teaching and there was more of it to juggle, but I'm pretty bad at them.

And the list could continue forever.

I don't say this to say 'poor, pitiful me', though I confess to feeling that way at least once a week, if not once a day. I say it for several reasons. First, I say it because I have always felt it important to be a transparent person. I want people to see that we're all just people, and I, especially, am just people. In trying to not let my blog become a blog-o-griping, perhaps I do put too rosy a picture on things sometimes. Most importantly, I say it to remind everyone, myself included, that without the Lord working through me, I would accomplish nothing. Anything I do that may seem like a big deal is because He willed it and allowed it. 'Cause my way would surely screw it up.

So. I'm just a person, who does too much in too many places, (usually) trusting that God will use my cluttered life to do what He wills. Please don't think I've got it all together.