Even If I Got it All Together, I Wouldn't Remember Where I Put It

Roxanne and I have been friends for a LONG time. A long time. We know each other. Mostly. I think I still say things that surprise Roxanne about me, and I tend to forget that my laugh-a-little-too-loud-too-long friend is a very capable, rockin' middle school teacher/ expert in teenage angst. But she had a great observation about me not too long ago.

We were catching up. I was mentioning that I had read a blog post about one person struggling the last few years and I was just floored. I told Roxanne that I know that from reading the blog, I have a limited vantage point, but from the blog and some other bits of information I have, this person's life seems to have completely fallen into place the last few years. Or, maybe, more accurately, fell into a place that I would like to be. I simply said it to observe, "You never know what's going on with people, you know?"

She pointed out that were someone to happen upon my blog, see my well-coiffed picture that Tammy took of me, and hear some of my day-to-day what-have-yous (she did point this out on a day that precious Michelle from Fresh Brewed Life put most of Coffee Group on a conference call to write us up for the website, and I got a new writing gig for the local paper), someone may think that I, too, have it all together. Well, bless. I simply do not....

Occasionally when someone realizes that I'm a certified teacher that interprets for the deaf at my church and teaches swimming lessons in the summer for extra dough, with an occasional article in a local magazine AND exercises on a regular basis, I will get, "Well, what DON'T you do...?"

The list is so very, very long.

I usually start with the most obvious (to me):
I don't keep a clean house. I LOVE having a clean house, but I get it that way about 4 times a year. In a good year. I turn a blind eye to clutter that would drive other people to drink.

I couldn't make it teaching. I guess if Troy got run over by a bus tomorrow and I needed more steady income than the sum total of the -$0- that I am currently earning as a writer, I would find a way. But, as it stands currently, I was unable to function in a job millions of men and women do every day quite successfully, and the job that I have a college degree in. That's a long therapy session right there.

I burn dinner, I serve it cold, I serve it how my family hates it, and I get grouchy when they don't like it. I frequently just walk away from the dirty kitchen (Troy usually takes care of it, but if he doesn't, I can hardly face it by the time I've already been in the kitchen an hour).

I do NOT make my family breakfast. I just can't. It's too early for me to function for people that have to be out of the house at a certain time... like all of us.

I'm horrible with our finances and, going on the unfortunate bus scenario for Troy again, I have NO idea what's what with our retirement (judging from the stock market, I'm sure I'm happier not knowing, but I don't know). I wasn't quite so bad with our finances when I was teaching and there was more of it to juggle, but I'm pretty bad at them.

And the list could continue forever.

I don't say this to say 'poor, pitiful me', though I confess to feeling that way at least once a week, if not once a day. I say it for several reasons. First, I say it because I have always felt it important to be a transparent person. I want people to see that we're all just people, and I, especially, am just people. In trying to not let my blog become a blog-o-griping, perhaps I do put too rosy a picture on things sometimes. Most importantly, I say it to remind everyone, myself included, that without the Lord working through me, I would accomplish nothing. Anything I do that may seem like a big deal is because He willed it and allowed it. 'Cause my way would surely screw it up.

So. I'm just a person, who does too much in too many places, (usually) trusting that God will use my cluttered life to do what He wills. Please don't think I've got it all together.


Jana said...

Over the years, I have observed that the best gifts you can give people are transparency and the admission that you are just one big ol' cracked pot (of which MOST SURELY I am chief).

Thank you for writing this today. I'll admit to being one of those people who think you do have it all together--or at least that you have it together in the areas that are splitting apart around here.

I'm glad you use your gift with words to encourage and bless. I appreciate you.

Love to you on Tuesday!
Jana Anderson

Lisa Laree said...

I needed this today!!! I got a(nother) glimpse of my own shortcomings just this week and soooo appreciate that I'm not in this by myself! (and I don't think I manage a truly clean house even four times a year...). Thanks for taking the risk!

Roxanne said...

I stand and clap, clap, clap for your transparency. . .and, being someone who knows most of your failings AS WELL AS your wonderful, accomplishments, I LOVE YOU ANYWAY with plunger love of the highest order. :)

You know how I feel about the transparency. . .(most of the time) it's a good thing.

Dcmba said...

Dang, I always thought SarahSt was short for Sarah Saint.

Welcome to the club of the imperfect (though I come much closer after meeting my wife who keeps me in line!).

Linda said...

YEA! It's not just me who can't keep a clean house! (and many of the other things on your list as well...)

ChristyCate said...

You do realize that had I actually thought you were perfect we could have NEVER been friends!

Sharon said...

I love it that you risk being real, and I love it more that you make it inviting for the rest of us to join you in being real. Thanks!

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