"Blah, Blah, Blah School District has a delayed opening at 10 a.m. Parents may drop off their children at the usual time." And hope and pray that at least a janitor is there to open the door since it's 22* and probably the teachers are still trying to dig out of their own driveway.
"Essential personnel report at 7:30. Non-essential personnel report at noon." Yeah, you just waltz on in at noon and head straight for the HR office to pick up your pink slip. "You know, we realized we could save a LOT of money since you aren't really essential. Your arrival at noon indicates that you agree, so there should be no lawsuit. Happy job hunting!"
"Upstanding University will only require students who live on campus to attend classes."
Um, and will they be taught by all of the teachers who live on campus? (This, of course, would never happen in this fine upper echelon of education known as Abilene, but is actually from my childhood in Louisiana -- makes more sense, doesn't it?)
