Ten Years

I remember it as if it happened yesterday.

People told me these years would fly by in the blink of an eye, but the sleepless nights with breathing treatments, vomitting, and emergency room visits kept me from believing it.

The scene I remember most vividly was standing in my spotless kitchen putting away the glass I had been drinking out of. It was the only dirty dish in the house. I never went through the nesting phase, but Troy did. Everything had been done -- the house was clean, Troy had put my bags in the car and started the car since it was cold out. There was nothing else left to do except for leave. So I stood and cried.

I was SO overwhelmed and frightened -- not just at the thought of labor, though that didn't sound like a lot of fun, either. I was the only one who really knew exactly how woefully inadequate I was for the role of Motherhood that was before me.

I remember walking in from the hospital with this tiny, very unhappy bundle in my arms, thinking, "Now what? Please don't send her home with me. I have no idea what I'm doing!"

I remember watching my parents pull away from my house after a week, thinking, "You REALLY don't want to leave your only grandchild with me. I have NO idea what I'm doing!"

I remember the pediatrician, after the 2-week check-up, saying that all was great and he should see me in a few months. I remember thinking, "MONTHS?!?!? Are you kidding me? Please don't leave me alone with her! I really don't know what I'm doing here!"

I remember precisely what I was wearing the day I went back to finish teaching the school year with my 2nd grade class. The children applauded that I was back! I remember being in the middle of a lesson and thinking, "I only thought I didn't know what I was doing as a teacher until I became a parent and found out what 'clueless' REALLY means. THIS I can do. Parenting -- don't think so."

The first piece of jewelry we ever gave her was a little silver pendant in the shape of a gift box to remind her of what we always tell her -- she is a precious gift from God. She is truly such a blessing as I watch God mold her and grow her in Him in spite of my glaring shortcomings as a parent.

I had that overwhelming feeling again yesterday as I heard her having a giggle-fit with some of her friends, and deciding who exactly was her "BFF" (Best Friends Forever, you know!) Where has it all gone? The time is going too fast!

Thank you, Lord, for this blink in time that I have had my angel at my house.

Happy Birthday, Ashley!