Quotable Quotes

My favorite part of Reader's Digest is Quotable Quotes. I've already shared with you my favorite Gwynneth Paltrow quote from there. They have an annual issue about humor. Last year, they had 50 one-liners. I loved these:

"Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what
they think, in a deeper voice."
Bill Cosby

"I always wanted to be the last guy on earth just to see if all those women
were lying to me."
Ronnie Shakes

"This is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing the
President, we get two choices. But when we have to select a Miss America,
we get 50."
Jay Leno

"When you're 8 years old, nothing is your business."
Lenny Bruce

"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you've given birth."
Erma Bombeck

"Football combines the two worst features of American life: violence
and committee meetings."
George Will

"I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time."
Marilyn Monroe

And my 3 favorites, in descending order:

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"
Phyllis Diller

"We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters
will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to
the Internet, we know this is not true."
Robert Wilensky

"It's so simple to be wise: just think of something stupid to say and
don't say it!"
Sam Levenson