42 Days of Faith

This weekend at our ladies' retreat I had the opportunity to "tell my faith story" -- which I had to limit to less than 3 days' worth of talking, so it had to be a portion of my faith story. People were very gracious and some even thanked me for sharing my story. In reply, I would very honestly say, "I am honored to tell my story, and even more honored to be a part of God's story that I can tell."

I was reminded (again) that God is constantly at work in all of our lives doing amazing things. Little by little, drip by drip, our lives become an amazing force of His work. And, I was reminded (again) that I am missing most of it. I am so entrenched in the everyday that I am missing the eternal works happening right in front of my nose. Busy-ness keeps me blinded to His majesty and His holiness all around me.

All of this is so ironic since a portion of my lectureship talk in September was on 2 Peter 1:3,4:

3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness
through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that
through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the
corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

(italics mine)

And I went on to point out that a)PLEASE notice that we are called to participate in the divine nature and b)most of us are missing the divine because we are so bogged down with the daily. Oh, yes, that is me. And, evidently, I am not alone.

I think of my days and all that I actually do get accomplished (laundry, to work, kids' projects, errands, etc.) because I have to and some things I get accomplished because I like it (exercise). I am convicted of how empty it all can be and become if I'm not doing those things at His feet and at the foot of the Throne.

In this season of Lent I am committing to finding my way there. I say "the season of Lent" simply because it is and I need to give myself time to establish this habit and fuel this desire. I want to spend every day of my life at the foot of His throne, seeing all that I do in a day through His eyes and with His love. The crazy part is that I will still be able to do all that I do, and I will probably love to do all of it so much more than I do. So what am I waiting for?

What will this look like? How will this be different than yesterday? Well, that's still what I'm praying about and figuring out. Obviously, I will need to be intentional about time in prayer and in His word. Which, again, can have thousands of interpretations. The biggest change will be what Beth Moore calls a "re-wallpapering of the mind", which will involve "taking captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (2 Cor. 10:5) Which makes me tired just to write.

I hesitated to put this on my blog, for several reasons:

1. People generally assume one person's confession and renewal of commitment is an indictment or finger-point at them. Not true. This is what the Lord is currently putting on my heart. You'll have to decide what the Lord is putting on your heart.
2. I will fail. Seriously. Not, "I might" or "I could" but I will definitely fail. I want to live the rest of my breathing days under His wing, in His word, radiating His light, but I will not. Life will take over, I will grab back the reins, and gallop on my way into my own mess. I will. The Lord is gracious and forgiving and will welcome me back when I am ready, but then I will also have the eyes of all the internet on me as I slink back to where I was supposed to be in the first place.
3. This could be viewed as Pharisee- talk -- standing on the street corner, yada, yada. I guess I'm way worse than the street corner since anyone with an internet connection can read this. I, personally, am viewing it as public confession and accountability. Feel free to challenge me on that point.

There are many more reasons for NOT putting it on my blog, but the reason I chose to is simple: I realize I do, in fact, need to be held accountable to this, and would appreciate anyone that feels called to do so to say a little prayer for me. The last week has also led me to realize how many people read this blog that I have NO idea about (Hey, Melissa B.! :-) and I'm sure one of them might say a prayer for me. I would really hate to miss out on one.

So, I will go on my way, seeking the Lord's heart (I love that He really isn't all that hard to find and WANTS to be found!) and filling my heart with Him. I will stumble and fall on my face and still have grouchy days, but I know that if I start with Him, the rest falls into place. What's so hard about that?