For those few of you who are still reading, still helping me search for a sundress or keep my hair off my neck when it's sweltering, you've been aware -- probably for a painfully long time -- that I have no words of substance. I haven't for a very long time. I used to have thoughts that included words: words of encouragement, words of hope, questioning words, and seeking words. Lately I have no words.
As my soul has shriveled due to malnutrition, so have my words. For a while, I had words too ugly to post here. Angry words, bitter words, unloving words, and just all-around griping words. Those are gone now. Now there is simply a deafening silence.
A constant prayer of mine is Psalm 19:14: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." Maybe the Lord heard my mother say, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" and took away the words.
I have talked to the Lord about my words and where they may be. For someone who likes to consider herself a writer, a loss of words is irritating, at best.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm walking my dog and trying to maintain 75% of my maximum heart rate.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm driving in my car listening to my Spanish lessons and yelling at the kids to be quiet so I can hear my Spanish lessons.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm working and juggling my job and housework.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm reading 15 different blogs and answering 25 different emails.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm cooking dinner and listening to Troy's day.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm drifting off to sleep.
Perhaps I'm missing an important component of hearing His Words:
"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
7 comments:
I needed that reminder today...and yesterday, and tomorrow. When will I learn to just BE STILL?
Thinking of you. . .
R--
So easy to say- so hard to do(at least for me). Be still and listen that is! I am sending up a prayer for you!
You're not alone. Maybe it's the constant commotion from the kids? I seem to be ocnstantly dealing w/them even when I'm trying to write a complete sentence.
Snap out of it! How will I have any hope of words if you,my friend of many words have none. Love you.
Lol, you are so good at being wordless. I too struggle with this battle of being still and just listening. Everything is so much better when I just do it. But alas, it is hard.
"As my soul has shriveled due to malnutrition, so have my words." Well said! I struggle with articulating how I feel and what I believe. I so want to be smart and articulate, but feel my brain has turned to mush since 1999 when I became a mom. But the reality is that I am malnourished and shriveled because I have put my attention and affections on other things besides Him and His presence.
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