For those few of you who are still reading, still helping me search for a sundress or keep my hair off my neck when it's sweltering, you've been aware -- probably for a painfully long time -- that I have no words of substance. I haven't for a very long time. I used to have thoughts that included words: words of encouragement, words of hope, questioning words, and seeking words. Lately I have no words.
As my soul has shriveled due to malnutrition, so have my words. For a while, I had words too ugly to post here. Angry words, bitter words, unloving words, and just all-around griping words. Those are gone now. Now there is simply a deafening silence.
A constant prayer of mine is Psalm 19:14: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." Maybe the Lord heard my mother say, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" and took away the words.
I have talked to the Lord about my words and where they may be. For someone who likes to consider herself a writer, a loss of words is irritating, at best.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm walking my dog and trying to maintain 75% of my maximum heart rate.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm driving in my car listening to my Spanish lessons and yelling at the kids to be quiet so I can hear my Spanish lessons.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm working and juggling my job and housework.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm reading 15 different blogs and answering 25 different emails.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm cooking dinner and listening to Troy's day.
- I talk to the Lord about where my words are while I'm drifting off to sleep.
Perhaps I'm missing an important component of hearing His Words:
"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
