Moving on.
Let me tell you a huge lie today's society will tell you about marriage: it's okay if I don't tell my spouse about _________________. Fill in the blank with: a conversation with an ex, an amount of money you spent that you shouldn't, a stumble into an old sin. You name it.
Society makes it clean and convenient: "I don't want him to worry." "I know what I'm doing." "It's my money anyway."
Dave Ramsey, the financial "stay out of debt" guru who makes no bones about anything, said it quite succinctly like this on his radio program one time: "The only secrets you should have from your spouse is what his or her Christmas present is."
Well, that's pretty extreme, isn't it? Yes. Yes, it is. But coming from someone who has stood at the edge of divorce, I have come to realize that extreme measures are necessary to keep sacred that which God has called to be holy. Yes, your marriage is called to be holy.
If you need to keep a secret from your spouse, ask yourself why. That conversation you had with your ex, maybe not an 'ex' but "just a friend"... no, REALLY, he's just a friend. Maybe it's not you that overreacts but your spouse? Either of those needs to be addressed. Calmly tell your spouse, "I want to be accountable to you for what I do, but your response makes it difficult."
That website you visited just to scope it out? Let your spouse know so he can hold you accountable. That money you spent that was maybe too much? Your spouse needs to know. If you know you're going to have to tell your spouse, maybe you won't spend it in the first place.
The money thing: Troy and I both have our own stash of "fun money": he writes resume's and brings in a few extra bucks and some of my articles bring in some money. Sometimes our "fun money" has to go to pay the bills because, you know, there is nothing more fun than the toilet flushing when it needs to. But sometimes we have a little stash and that is just ours to do with what we want. Troy buys hunting or gun stuff. I buy running gear or get a massage.
But I have been known to spend our grocery money on clothes that the kids don't really need, or a cute pair of shoes for me, and keep it a secret. That's a problem. I have had to learn to curb my spending (novel idea: live within my means) and be upfront with Troy when I mess up and let him help me get out of the mess I made.
I have learned that any secret you are keeping from your spouse is a tiny little crack that Satan can use to place a wedge in your marriage. It then builds to, "He just doesn't understand me," and graduates to, "I think I can start building this entire life over here without him knowing..." and then there are enormous problems.
Satan loves the lies and the dark places, and the lies grow there. Bring them all out into the light. Scripture says again and again that a married couple should be ONE. Can you keep a secret from one side of your own body? No. Nor should you keep a secret from your spouse. Let him/ her be your accountability partner, and bring those lies out into the light where they belong.
