I saw a one-woman play this winter about six of the women mentioned in the geneology of Jesus (I BELIEVE they are the only women mentioned, but I've already showed I'm fairly ignorant of the whole of it). Donna Hester portrayed each of the women in a fairly modern setting in a play entitled, "Iron Apron Strings". (That was the name of the art exhibit -- I think the play, also). It was very creatively done and helped you think of these women as actual women, instead of 'characters'.
The woman she portrayed that has haunted me most is Bathsheba. I guess it's because we know so little about her she remains a mysterious woman, yet a crucial part of history. Let's sum up what we do know about her: she was physically beautiful, she followed the King's orders when he summoned her, she knew she was in a compromising situation when her husband had been away at war for months and she learned she was pregnant, and scripture tells us that when she learned that Uriah was dead, "she mourned for him." That's about it. I've heard speculation and presumption that she was a loose woman because she was even bathing where she could be seen. Perhaps. I doubt she ever meant for it to lead to adultery and murder.
The point that has haunted me most is how Bathsheba probably lived out the rest of her life. I'll be honest, I haven't done extensive scripture research for all of the mentions of Bathsheba (but I'm tempted to now!) But I don't recall much mention beyond her adulterous encounter with David that led her husband to be killed that led her to become David's wife and Solomon's mother. I imagine that her life was a life of material wealth and comfort living with David. But I also imagine that she felt forever shadowed by how she came to be living in such wealth. I doubt she ever fully forgave herself. I imagine that in her final years the regrets and sorrow about Uriah came frequently to mind as her body became more and more idle. I have a mental image that the weight of the guilt weighed her down and she was no longer a beautiful young woman, but a stooped elderly lady burdened with guilt and shame.
I think that's how I imagine it because I can picture myself reacting the same way. What weighed Bathsheba down the most was not knowing how God could use her sin. We all have such a limited view of creation. We try to teach our children to not be self-centered, but I don't think we ever really outgrow believing ourselves to be the center of the universe (I'm talking to/about myself here). Were I in the same situation as Bathsheba, I would only be able to see my own shame and how it had affected (i.e., ruined) my life. I'm so thankful to be able have the hindsight of Bathsheba's life and know that from her sin, from her mis-step, from her poor decision, from her listening to the wrong person -- God's plan was fulfilled. It's that vision and knowledge that enables me to trust that God can use my life to His glory, when I seem to make an enormous mess on my own.
Father, lead me to understand that I am not the universe or the entirity of your plan -- I'm simply a small puzzle piece in it. I know that you are able to use me to fulfill your plan -- but I may not even know how in my lifetime, much like Bathsheba couldn't have known how. Lord, lead me to Kingdom vision, not Sarah vision.
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