Marriage Monday on Wednesday

Before Christmas when I told you all about my friend Dana losing her husband I mentioned that when he first became ill it was the year that Troy and I fought to put our marriage back together. I had MANY people message me privately about that statement. Some asking, "Okay, tell me how you did it..." and another person or two simply saying, "Good for you for fighting the fight."

One person that mentioned it to me said, "You should write about that on your blog...!" Please don't throw stones at the poor person -- they haven't known me long and don't know that many of you have heard ad nauseum about this very subject. But it did make me realize that not everyone has heard my story, and I wanted to be a little more intentional about using my blog to share some things I learned along the way.

So I would like to take some regular time this year to do just that -- share some things here on the blog that I regularly share with others privately. I don't mind people knowing where I've been, and I would LOVE for other people to be able to learn from where I've been. However, some of the road I've been on wasn't mine alone and I won't share every last detail here. But I can tell you enough to tell you that Troy and I looked each other in the eye and wondered if we would still be married the next month, much less the next year. And I can tell you that only God's grace and mercy could not only repair a marriage as broken as ours, but redeem it to the point that it is now.

*Truth in advertising disclaimer* We've had a GREAT last year, but for whatever reason the holidays were hard on our marriage. We're not in the best place EVER at this precise moment in time, but because of where we've been, I know that we have the tools to get back there. It's not all rainbows and lollipops in a redeemed marriage, but it has a different feel to it than a marriage that is just ... hanging on.

I had planned to start this today, then I listened to an AMAZING podcast yesterday on marriage that I would recommend to anyone -- in crisis or not. Even in my redeemed state, it led me to understand some things about my marriage that brought tears to my eyes and a repentant heart about what I have expected from Troy in the past.

Andy Stanley, of the Northpoint Church, has a podcast series on iTunes entitled 'iMarriage.' It's 3 lessons long. I've only heard the first one so far, but it was really good and I highly recommend it. (sorry, but I don't know how to link directly to things in iTunes: you can find it here under the 'Destinations' link)

What got my attention -- and cracked me up -- was that Stanley started out the lesson by saying that when a woman says to a man "We need to talk about our marriage..." (or tried to get him to come to that sermon) he hears it the same way she would hear him say "Have you heard that sound the car is making?"

She just wants to turn up the radio and ignore the sound the car is making! (Oh, yeah, he's been riding in the car with me!) She figures if the car is still running, why worry about what sound it's making? He figures if the marriage is still running, why talk about it? (Oh, yeah, he's been at our house, too!)

Well, I am living proof that if you turn up the radio too long on your car, the back wheels will fall slap off (didn't happen, but it was on its way according to my mechanic -- but I still wanted to turn up the radio). And if you leave a marriage be without checking on it, the wheels of your marriage will fall slap off (did happen -- awful, painful, can't even tell you...) and that is much harder to recover from. You can trade in your car, and some people try to trade in a marriage, but once the wheels fall off either one, trade-in value is greatly decreased.

This year I will tell you some of the things I did right to get my marriage back together, and I will share with you a few of the 3 million things I did wrong to get me in the spot where it needed to be put back together. Until I get to more practical topics, please just know that you aren't the only person who has ever felt lonely in a marriage, or wondered if you married the wrong person, or wondered if it was even worth sticking together. Trust me on this: it is absolutely, completely 100% worth it. I will explain why later.

Know that I am praying for marriages -- even if you don't comment, even if I don't know your name. I am praying for marriages that are hurting, and even marriages that are simply ... there. God can redeem those marriages and use them for Him.

Today I am posting Marriage Monday on Wednesday, joining Sheila Gregoire for Wifey Wednesday. She has some really down-to-earth great topics, starting with sex today!


Brian said...

this is exciting, thanks for your courage. the church needs more of it

Tammy M. said...

Looking forward to reading your posts, as always. Don't know if you keep up on LPM Blog (Beth Moore's blog) but she wrote a very truthful blog on marriage a week or so ago. She and Keith had the worst holiday of their married life a year ago, after 31 years. That reminded me that marriage is never easy, some days are easier than the others, but as Gary Thomas says, marriage is to make us holy not happy. It is one of the greatest tool of refinement in our lives.

Sheila said...

I am so looking forward to your series! And I'm so glad you're willing to share your heart like this.

I think part of the problem in the church is that we all walk around like everything is fine, and then people who are in crisis feel like they're alone. When you share your heart, and admit that you've had problems, too, then it makes it easier for people to talk about it and ask for help! So thanks for participating in Wifey Wednesday, and I'm glad you're opening up!

sarahe said...

I am so excited for this--I feel like I'm in this place right now--(I was the one who wrote the email to sheila that prompted the "doormats or wives" wifey wednesday post a few weeks ago) Thank you for your transparency and I am excited to hear more about what you have learned.

Heleen said...

Hi Sarah
I really enjoyed reading posts on your blog. I've found your blog on Tahitha's team and you really have excellent posts on marriage and many helpful tips for readers:)
I would love to put a link to your blog on my website and blog if you don't mind:)
Kind regards

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