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The funeral was today. I still can't believe I'm not there. I'm supposed to be there. Roxanne is the closest thing I have to a sister, and her dad is gone. He has circled up with his own mom, as well as a host of others. He has two healthy legs now. He has received the ultimate healing. I'm so thankful for him, and so sad for her and her family.
As I try to console myself, I realize that, really, for most of the unscheduled big things in our lives, Roxanne and I have been there for precious little of it for each other. Yet we're there. We stood next to each other through both of our weddings -- me beating her down the aisle by a few months only meant I had to be labeled a 'matron' at her wedding, which I did NOT appreciate. But since then the big milestones have been 'caught up on' with email and phone calls. And this will be no different.
The funeral is there, 500 miles away, and I am here, juggling too many mom/teacher/wife/church-type-folk obligations to break free. I picked up the phone to call her 4 different times yesterday, but my throat tightened too much to speak and my tears blurred the phone to dial. I know I can't DO anything being there, but I need to help her cry. Evidently, I'm doing that from here.
On a far happier note, I actually won a prize-type-thing from Antique Mommy. Who knew, but chocolate is included in the prize, and I think it goes without saying that I could use some chocolate right about now. And that artwork from Sean? Will cheer me right up!