Walking Through Unemployment

I came across this excellent post about how to mentally go through unemployment. It was her spouse that was unemployed, but when either of you are unemployed you are both walking that road, going through many of the same emotions and experiences.

It made me walk back through our own unemployment road a little. I didn't blog much about it at the time, for many reasons. Mainly because I was working so hard to keep my own head above water mentally, I couldn't gather my thoughts and put them down anywhere. And partly because I knew if I did put them down anywhere, I would NOT want to look at them.

If you don't click and read that whole article, one thing rang especially true for me. Quoting:

"I found I was so distracted by the tornado of job searching that it was hard for me to be around others (even at church) whose futures seemed secure. At times we felt like we were wandering through a blizzard — we could see people enjoying the warmth of their fireplaces through their picture windows while our family was out in the workplace cold."

That is very true for me. I gravitated to a precious few people that had recently walked the unemployment road or who were a constant source of encouragement for me. To stare into the future and see... nothing ... isn't as frightening when you "know who holds your future" -- but it becomes very wearisome. Especially when two beautiful pair of blue eyes looked at you at least weekly and asked (with their eyes if not verbally), "Mom...? What's going to happen? Where will we be living? Can I stay at my school?" And you simply do not know.

We are so very thankful for Troy's new job. As hard as it was for him to lose a job, we know that God is in all of it. Troy is LOVING his new job, and we trust that God has many things for him to do there.

Even as difficult as it is to have him going back and forth, living out of a suitcase, not knowing when we will be living together again -- it STILL isn't as hard as having NO idea what the future holds. We know that EVENTUALLY we will live where he is working, and EVENTUALLY we will all live together again. God's peace that passes understanding has settled on this house.

If you are walking the road of unemployment, I have no words of comfort other than to tell you that God knows the path you are on and is leading you. Lean into His arms. If you know OF someone walking that road, I would encourage you to offer small, meaningful words of encouragement. I will tell you that the BEST encouragement I got was from a friend who would text me once or twice a week and either say: "Praying for you at this moment." or text me a scripture. How simple is that? It only required that I be thought about and a very small action taken .

That is when Romans 15:13 became my lifeline:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Too Much! Too Much!

It is BEYOND time to get the "Just for Today" post off of there! I have SO many things I want to tell you that I am FROZEN and haven't told you anything. So here I am to tell you something, which is always better than nothing, but it won't be everything. Right? Here we go. May have to hit the high points:

** Hello. We have a job. Y'all, I am not kidding. The very day, nay, the HOUR that I was posting my last little post -- and weeping a little through it -- Troy called me from an interview, "They LOVE me!!" In short, he was "lead candidate" for this job. So we waited. And waited. And waited some more. Then we yelled at each other a lot. I'm not kidding. That's one of the posts I want to write: what healthy marriages do under stress. It isn't pretty, but somehow we make it through. Then FINALLY the actual job offer came in. As of November 15, Troy will be working for the Cox School of Business at SMU in Dallas. Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness.

** So... if you understand my current zip code, and Troy's job situation, you will figure out that there is a move in my future. I have figured out that to say the word 'move' and hand me a cardboard box, I have a Pavlovian response of elevated blood pressure, increased acid level in my stomach, and a tension headache. And my feet hurt. I don't move well, can you tell? Our move here was stressful, but went fabulously.... until we hit these city limits and the bottom fell out of our life. Then the next 3 years continued to eat our lunch. I do not have the mental wherewithall to do that again.

Most people ask about the kids. They are being good sports and handling it pretty well. They know that we have all prayed that we stay here, and God has led us to the Dallas area. So... can they really argue? :-) Of course, I am tempted to worry since I am mom, but when my brain travels that direction, I pray for just ONE friend for them those first few days and weeks, and that they will have someone to sit with at lunch on their first day of school.

** Race report: I really want to write an actual race report blog post, but if I don't get to it, I need to say that this last weekend was the 'Marathoning for Miracles' half- marathon for Children's Miracle Network. I completed it and truly had a great time.

We often quote an Andy Griffith show around here. Barney had gotten a new car, and all went for a drive, but Gomer was a little prone to motion sickness. The crew was driving through the hills surrounding Mayberry in Barney's new car when Barney thought to ask, "Gomer, how ya' doin'?" Gomer replied, in his characteristic drawl, "I'm sick as a dawg, but I'm havin' the time of m' life!" So... yeah ... I hurt all over, but I had the time of my life. I really did. I got texts from all over the state, I read encouraging facebook messages and tweets from EVERYWHERE. Saturday, I was mentally ready to take on two more a year for the rest of my life, improving my time every race. Today (after a few days' rest and missing running) my brain has already geared away from running and thinking that I don't ever want to run again. Someone please make me run. My brain will need it in the midst of this mess I'm in.

**Various and sundry: I have been blessed to see my boy score touchdowns this year! Big doin's for 7th grade football! Very exciting. Loving being a band parent for Friday games with Ashley, too, but Friday night is supposed to get down to 36*. We aren't even to playoffs yet! Brrrrrrrrrrr! Love to watch my babies in action, using their gifts! We are so blessed.

So... I've got plenty going on over here. What about you? What's up with you?

Just For Today

Just for today... I am so weary of the not knowing.

Last night, like several others recently, I sat through a parent meeting about a sport, wondering how long our family will be living in this town, if my child will have an opportunity to participate in the sport.

Just for today... the tears are closer to the surface than usual.

The constant holding us up wears a momma down, and eventually I collapse physically. I don't feel sad or down as much as I simply feel tired. Tired of the mental jockeying of 'what if/ what now/ which way/ what to do'. Simply tired.

Just for today... I don't have to have it all figured out.

Today I don't have the energy or strength to figure out all the possibilities of goin's on in our lives. It is a day that I will gather my family close, drawing strength and joy from them. Obviously, I will openly confess that this unemployment/ uncertain future isn't always the barrel of laughs it was billed to be.

When I say 'uncertain future'... please hear this: I'm saying I'm not positive what my address will be. I'm a planner and compartmentalizer (not a word... I know). I need the things ahead of me to fit on my calendar and in my address book. Looking into the vast stretch of nothingness in front of me has been a HUGE stretch for me that, for the most part, I have been totally okay with. But... just for today... I am not.

The important things are in my future: my God will be faithful no matter where my feet walk the earth and where my head touches my pillow at night. Which is why under the exhaustion, even under the tears, I have a peace. Peace that a God who loves me more than I can know is holding us all in His hand.

Just for today... I am so grateful.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7