High School From This Side

originally in Abilene Families

If you’ve been keeping up with life at our house, you realize we started high school this year. Yes, all of us, because it takes a village to pull off this itinerary of comings and goings and events. There is supposed to be academia in there, as well. I hope that is getting accomplished at some point.

Through these beginning few months of high school I have come to realize that high school is so fun when you aren’t in it! There are concerts, parades, pep rallies, sporting events and dances just to begin with. The festivities go on and on.

I love to see all of the uniforms. From my vantage point, everyone has a uniform: band, ROTC, drill team, cheerleaders, athletes, all manner of pseudo-cheerleaders and pseudo-athletes as well. There is cheering and frivolity and parading and pepping and fun, on this side of high school.

But I vividly remember the 16 year old me who didn’t have any uniform to wear. I attended a small school that had athletes and cheerleaders. Period. If you weren’t athletic, there was nothing for you. Unable to safely navigate a crowded room without injury, I did nothing, feeling as out of place as quality merchandise in Wal-Mart.

In larger schools there is much more for students to do, but still there are students that feel as if he or she is in the wrong uniform or feel left out completely when he didn’t make the cut this year. We parents dismissively call it ‘drama’ with a wave of our hand when our children are upset to feel as if they don’t belong, but the human spirit never outgrows the need to feel a part of a tribe, or to be in community.

As a second grade teacher, I had a name tag that said what campus I belonged to, showing I was part of that tribe. Our clan wore Friday shirts, further creating community. Of course, the cool factor for a second grade teacher and her Friday shirt among the general population is negligible, but to my second graders I was a rock star, and that was all that mattered.

When I left teaching to write, I made a startling realization: freelance writers don’t automatically have a tribe. There is no name tag that says I belong at my desk in my bedroom. If I wanted a specific shirt to wear on Friday, my choices were limitless, but they didn’t connect me to a group. I was tribeless.

My children were beginning middle school at the same time and as I observed behaviors and listened to stories about school I noticed a common thread: most people just want to feel as if they belong. I began to take note of what caused tension among different groups that I was a part of in “mature” settings and I noticed a common thread: most people just want to feel as if they belong.

Never underestimate the human spirit’s desire to belong to a tribe, nor its capacity for stupidity in order to be a part of one.

I appreciate those who look for others who may feel left out of a tribe. Not everyone can be a part of your tribe, but everyone can be a part of some tribe, and you may be able to help them find which one that is.

My tribe resembles a carpooling, crock-potting, chaperoning, laundry-stacking, parade-attending, bleacher-cheering mom for this season of life. Do I get a name tag? Letter jacket? Maybe I will win the spirit stick at the pep rally this week.

Valentine, Schmalentine...

Just a quick stop in to say that I hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day. If not great, you have at least survived. Onward.

As I mentioned in my last post, last week wasn't too super great, I wasn't able to see Troy very much over the weekend -- errands, errands, errands -- so I worked up a pretty good feel sorry for myself come Monday morning. Love and gooeyness was spewing all over Facebook and I could hardly stand it. I was in a foul mood.

Thankfully, I started my day in The Word, but still my heart was grouchy. I continued to pour out what was on my heart to God, telling Him I didn't want to have an ugly heart today.

Friends graciously gave me permission -- I'm in a tough situation, no doubt. But here's the deal: I can't cave. I have NO idea how long this is going to last. I have got to learn how to "take captive every thought" and battle back from "a mood". My family cannot afford for me to give in to such pull to be a grouch.

So I spent time in The Word, and in prayer. My prayers were that the Lord would empty my heart of me, me, me and just remind me of His love -- for me, that I may love those around me with the same love.

It was not a lightning bolt shift in my day... but things got better. I already had some fun things planned, that honestly I had forgotten. I had lunch with a dear friend -- and in some regards, she and I are walking the same road. She gets it. And she is the least judgmental person I know. Love that. Just let me pour it out there. That was that. Lots of smiles and laughs.

Then I had scheduled a walking date with another friend and mentor that I don't see enough. We don't solve a lot of our problems, but we love to hear each other out. It was so great.

Oh -- between the two, I took the truck (yes, I call her MY truck... that annoyed Troy, but believe me, if I didn't HAVE to drive it, I wouldn't be, so I will call it MY truck if I want to...) to a car wash that was advertising free car washes for red cars on Valentine's Day. Now I would call the truck more of a maroon color, so I didn't know if it would be free -- but with all the snow and oock we've had, it desperately needed a wash anyway. Whatever. Guess what? FREE! You can't beat a clean vehicle for perking you up just a little.

As I spent time with the kids, cooking and eating dinner, covering strawberries in chocolate, working on a little Driver's Ed with Ashley, I thought about something Beth Moore says in "Living Beyond Yourself": "God can not only change your life, He'll change your day!" And if anyone's day (and attitude) needed changing yesterday, it was mine!

I'm so thankful for a God that will listen to my whining and complaining -- but loves me too much to let me stay there.

You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever. Psalm 30:11,12

*Pic of adorableness ripped off of the Scott Photography Blog. LOVE them. LOVE their stuff. LOVE their people.

Thank Goodness It's FRIDAY!!

I just deleted an entire venting of my week. Suffice it to say: it's been crazy and not what I planned.

The Lord reminded me again and again of Proverbs 19:21: "Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

I don't have a great verse for stewardship of our body, but He also reminded me that I can't spend 3 days treating my body horribly (not stopping to eat/ fuel up, not enough sleep or exercise or water) and not pay for it on the 4th day: migraine. Blah. I do not like those, Sam I Am. But I am VERY thankful for medications.

So, thankful things of this week: Got to (safely) travel to Ashley's last basketball game about 3 hours away. It was a GREAT game and she played SO well! So very fun. Love to watch her play. Riley, who has felt crummy all week -- we finally got him on some meds for his sinus infection -- rode with me though and he is always so fun to be around. Love that guy.

Also had some other happies in the week: forced fun with another mom who I thoroughly enjoy. We co-volunteered to sell tickets to a dance. A few other things were fun, a few more were not fun, but it is almost over.

Oh... just typical of my week: I tried to schedule my Valentine's post to post, you know, ON Valentine's day. Yeah... there it went. Yesterday. Big as life. Oh, well. Read it again on Valentine's Day. My gift to you.

After Valentine's day I will tell you about my lovely and nice package that I DID in fact manage to get off to Troy... that included a major brain fail in it. It is so stinkin' typical of me it is sad, but it also is going to cause me to quit laughing at our friend who iced the potholder into the layer cake. Yeah, it's about on that level.

Satan tries to convince me that not getting to my 'to-do' list makes me worth less. Yet I know that "I am more than a conqueror through Him who loved me" according to Romans 8:37 And this week, if the kids and the dog and I are all still breathing and the house is still standing by 6 p.m. today, I am claiming VICTORY! What about you?

Have a happy weekend!

Considering Valentine's Day

originally in Abilene Families

My family experienced some minor medical drama the week between Christmas and New Year's while traveling out of state. On one of my many trips to the drug store, I had to stop dead in my tracks. I was perusing the Christmas decorations and wrapping paper on clearance. I turned around to look for more, and was faced with a shelf full of boxes of Valentine's cards that children will use to declare love for classmates. Before the confetti of the New Year's holiday is swept up, the shelves in stores are fully stocked with hearts, balloons, and all manner of Valentine props and paraphernalia.

Maybe it's age, maybe it's motherhood, maybe it's global warming, but I don't think of Valentine's Day the same way that I did as a young, single woman or newlywed. Valentine's Day is a fun, light-hearted opportunity to lavish love on those around you, but life has shown me that love rarely looks like the front of a Hallmark card.

Love is not running along a beach hand in hand. Love holds the flashlight in the middle of the night, make-up long gone and tempers flaring, holding your tongue while your sweetie attempts an emergency home repair. Love isn't demonstrated by dewy eyes across a candlelit meal, but rather by one more run to the doctor or pharmacy when you are exhausted beyond reasonable or rational thought.

Valentine's Day lends itself to romance. Romance is wonderful and exciting, but won't take you very far when the stomach bug hits, or your "Love Shack" floods, or one of your parents is critically ill and/or dies. Romance will not be found in any of those situations, but love is there larger than life. Love brings the cool wash cloth again and again for the stomach bug, and mops and covertly repairs damaged keepsakes during the flood, and cries and holds and works and loves with an ill family member.

Love is not rose petals and champagne, but aching backs and work gloves. Love at my house never dances in an evening gown or tuxedo, but love supplies the elbow grease, the patience, the encouragement, and the clean clothes to face each day and, Lord willin' a comforting place to come home to when the day seems to come out on top. Love is holding tight when no words will fix it, and tears the only language uttered.

Love is not a polished, glimmery state. Love is messy, inconvenient, and frustrating. Love is giving up the last ounce of energy, sleep, time, or chocolate for the well-being of another. Love isn't found in romantic restaurants or destinations, but in hospital waiting rooms, the lobby of funeral homes, and kneeling in prayer next to race-car or princess beds in the middle of the night. Love is less about flowers and cartoon hearts, and everything about the value of another soul on this planet. I guess that's a little harder to put on the side of a coffee mug.

I will play along this Valentine's Day, like all the others, and I certainly hope for you to feel cherished on that day. But, later in the year when the toilet overflows while the drama at school comes to a boiling point and work causes too many demands to keep everyone civil, love will be there with a plunger, Kleenex for the tears, and hugs, pats, and kisses for all the things the plunger and Kleenex won't fix. Consider that your own Valentine's Day -- but don't look for Hallmark to make a card for it anytime soon.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Parenting Teens

originally in Abilene Families

Coming home to a trash-filled living room strewn with beer bottles, midnight calls for bail money, and ongoing dialog with school officials about juvenile shenanigans is what I expected.

As a child of the 80’s being fed a steady diet of John Hughes films such as “The Breakfast Club,” “Sixteen Candles,” and “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” I braced for parenting teens as one might prepare for combat, thinking that these years would make Normandy look like a Sunday afternoon at Wal-Mart.

Last fall brought a landmark to our home: the youngest became a teen. In the midst of the celebration I realized having teens in the house is much more fun than I imagined that it would be.

Teens have arrived at an age where it’s easy to catch a glimpse of the person they are becoming. Their strengths and skills continue to grow, and it is more apparent that each person in your home is a distinct and unique individual.

My children have their own athletic and musical abilities, but we also have a money spender vs. a money saver at my house. There is an observer and a “huh?” person here.

We have someone who likes order and someone whose creative nature creates a unique version of order in that living space. There is an entertainer and an audience, a scene stealer and one content to stand in the wings. It is a joy to see how each of these things will add up to the path each will take.

While I never dreamed I would be more sleep deprived as a parent of a teen than I was as a parent of a toddler, I think I’m having more fun as a parent of a teen.

One of the most surprising aspects of parenting teens is the sheer joy I get from how embarrassing I am to them. I was able to confide in my new teen, “People tell you that children bring you joy. They just don’t tell you that it’s embarrassing the child that brings you such joy.”

Teen was not amused.

The reality is that I don’t have to try to embarrass my children. Oh, I’ll threaten: “Can I sing this song when I pick you up?” “What if I jumped up and down like this?” “Can I show your friends this kind of wave or handshake?”

I don’t have to follow through with it. They know that I am just crazy enough to give it a go. The mere thought of my actions gives me traction for all manner of chores to be done or information that I need pried out of a child. This is beneficial since everyone in the house looks down to talk to me.

At certain ages, of course, the simple fact that I exist is embarrassing. Which brings me even greater joy. Yes, I realize this makes me a sick, sick person. It is amazing power as a parent. If just existing is embarrassing, just think how little you can do to be over-the-top embarrassing to your child. Simply mention waving to them across the room and you could get the whole house cleaned for a month.

The list of “What Not to Wear” to my child’s school would make Stacy and Clinton proud, as well: no pajamas, no revealing exercise wear, undergarments worn but not visible... the list goes on. It doesn’t mention go-go boots only because no one has thought of them. I had better wear some soon before they make it onto the list.

I remember the days of Playskool toys and nap time fondly as well. I just never dreamed it would be this much fun on this side of parenting too.

It helps my joy in parenting teens that by amazing grace, my kids are generally good kids.

I’m sure I’m asking for trouble by saying that. Between writing this article and publication, my teens may have created all kinds of hooliganism, the least of which is being suspected of being the instigator in thinking the rival team’s mascot belonged on top of the school building. At which point, I will show up at school in go-go boots with my nightgown to let my children know that is only the beginning of their worries.

Super Day of Gluttony

I try to be fairly "live and let live" on my blog. Yes, I lead an active and healthy lifestyle. I think that you will feel better if you do, as well. But I have to confess that this article has brought about a rant in me that I am going to have to let loose.

In case you don't want to click over, let me give you some highlights:

1.) Super Bowl Sunday is the second-largest day of food consumption behind Thanksgiving. (source: American Institute of Food Distribution)

2.) Sales of antacid increase 20 percent the day after Super Bowl. (source: 7-Eleven stores)

3.) There is a plea to make "Super Bowl Monday" a national holiday for fans to "recover" from the effects of the Super Bowl party.

Let me say this: REALLY???

Because two teams --that 4 weeks ago 97% of the country didn't give a flip about-- are coming together and being paid MILLIONS to do so, we are going to gather with our friends and eat obscene amounts of food, drink obscene amounts of alcohol and then have to choke down antacids and call in sick to work the next day?

And... speaking of obscene... I know MOST of you will say, "Oh, but I just like to watch the commercials..." Have you SEEN the commercials lately? With your teenage children?? Or with a youth group??? Most aren't appropriate for either.

As far as the event itself goes, I know I am not an unbiased opinion. We are not a huge football family. I know some of you need to see a game if there is one on -- somehow I gave birth to a daughter that is that way. So I won't slight anyone watching a game -- but I don't get why we have to eat ridiculous quantities of food while we watch.

I just see the WHOLE theme of "EXCESS" throughout the whole time and find it even more nauseating than all the over-indulging. Sure, about 30 years ago some friends would get together for a pizza and chips around the TV. And as TV screens and waistlines around the country expanded, so did the buffet line and elaborate dishes. It is time for someone to say "ENOUGH!!"

So: "ENOUGH!!"

Please: enjoy the heck out of the game. Catch up with some of your "old faithful" Super Bowl Party pals that you may not have seen since LAST Super Bowl Party. But there is no reason to eat yourself ill just because there are men in huge pads making obscene amounts of money on the TV screen.

Let's make feeling good the day after the Super Bowl the new normal!

Nothin' But Snow...

I would love to have something fascinating and worthwhile to say, but we have been snowed in. I can tell you how many episodes of "The Office" are on Netflix streaming. I can tell you how cold my bedroom -- with the north-facing wall-o-glass -- gets when I have to leave the space heater in the laundry room to thaw the pipes there (actually, I don't have a specific number... let's just go with "real cold"). I can tell you the time in the afternoon that my body decides it needs to nap on a snow day. But things of value? I got nothin'.*Pic info below

This is a rare Texas occurrence and I don't mind it one bit. Of course Monday was your typical end-of-January 70*, as I mentioned. Then came the rain, then the sleet, then the plummeting temperatures, then the snow. JUST as the cooler weather was coming in Monday afternoon I was leaving the vets office. I will spare you the details, but I became aware that my dog was quite ill on Monday.

Thankfully, it was something that a few pills and a special diet for a few days will take care of. That has been the most exciting and productive thing I have done all week: cook my dog some rice and, later, after a run to the store, some pumpkin. Yes, he recommended pumpkin for the fiber. Can you believe? For the record? She prefers the pumpkin to the rice, but isn't crazy about either. Tomorrow she gets to eat real food.

So. For 3 solid days. The house. Me. Two children. Tomorrow school has already been canceled. My facebook posts indicate that some of my neighbors are hearing voices inside their head that sound like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining," and may eat their own young before the thaw on Saturday. All of us have realized we are a little too used to being able to run to the grocery store every 48 hours (yes, I skated on the ice for the milk and the dog's pumpkin... AND some sweetened condensed milk for snow ice cream! :-)

But I have learned -- among the many other ponderous things such as how messy it is when a dog eats pumpkin out of a bowl -- that food supplies aside, I am perfectly fine being inside the four walls of this house. Granted, my children are at an easily (read: electronically) entertained age, and aren't doing too many handstands against the walls (though I refuse to lie and say that none have been attempted).

But with you lovely people reading and commenting on my blog, and catching up with some folks on facebook and via text... my "cabin fever" limit is much much higher (lower? different?) than most folks.

Hands down, the crummiest part of this WHOLE deal: Troy's work was also closed all 4 days. Of course we had no way of knowing that at the beginning of the week, and even yesterday he was supposed to go in, then slid into work on ice, got his phone out in the parking garage and got his email that work was closed. Blah! So... it would have been nice to have him home, but more than anything, I'm still praying for him to get back here safe. Not sure when he's going to attempt that. Ugh.

The first day of snow, I saw this on another friend's status. So true, so beautiful:

“He directs the snow to fall on the earth
and tells the rain to pour down.
Then everyone stops working
so they can watch his power."
Job 37:6,7

Hope you are each warm and safe!
*We really didn't play in the snow, so I totally stole this pic from AP:
"Ilona Chisholm, 13 months, helps her mom shovel snow out of their driveway using a rake in Cohassett, Mass., Tuesday, Feb. 1, 2011. (AP Photo/Stephan Savoia)

Don't Show Your Tail

originally in Abilene Families

I was raised in the South by a good Southern momma, who sprinkled good Southern advice throughout my life as liberally as Paula Deen uses the butter. Some of it involved silverware, some of it involved marriage and babies, but the most everyday useful advice involved how to treat people.

Much of it I heard frequently enough that I rolled my eyes to hear, and little of it made sense until I lived it and experienced it. I think educators call that a kinesthetic learner. For instance: “Don’t go burnin’ any bridges.”

I did not understand this phrase. I was not prone to pyromania. Bridges were prolific in my bayou-strewn town, but I was never tempted to set one ablaze.

I didn’t fully understand this advice until I lived in a small Central Texas town and needed a temporary job. It was an awful job that paid okay, and I didn’t put my heart into it. I showed up late, did just enough to keep my job, tuned out when reprimanded by The Boss, and was thankful when it was over.

Imagine my horror when I showed up to interview for a job I wanted to find that The Boss was one of the people joining the interview process. Truly a V-8 moment. “Don’t go burnin’ bridges.”

I don’t use that same phrase with my kids -- maybe it just sounds old fashioned to me now. But I have a similar phrase they have heard all too often: “Abilene’s just too small to act that way.”

You know what I mean. We all run into each other coming and going in this town.

A friend can vouch for this. She got into a bit of a honking, shouting tousle at school drop-off. Still fuming, she pulled up at the gym for her exercise class... next to the same driver from the school. Abilene’s just too small to act that way.

A young friend thought he would test the limits of where he could go on his bicycle, knowing he was heading into forbidden territory by crossing a very busy street. A friend of the family reported it to his mom. He still has no idea how mom found out, but the short answer is, “Abilene’s just too small to act that way.”

Momma had another Southern phrase: “show your tail,” which means to act rude or unbecoming, not reflecting your proper Southern raising. You don’t want to show your tail when the town is this small. Or ever.

Children aren’t the only ones who have this lesson to learn, and perhaps we should teach our kids to act right no matter which zip code they live in. Maybe an elected official berates a fast food employee when the salad has the wrong kind of cheese? I’m guessing that not only the employee but everyone in the establishment will remember that at election time. Abilene’s just too small.

Maybe a church leader or pastor wonders why people are tuning out the message of “love thy neighbor” from the pulpit on Sunday morning. Then he shows his tail by having no patience with a local business employee, or being beyond rude and demanding with a waitress after church on Sunday. Abilene’s too small to act that way.

The world we live in is becoming smaller all the time. Facebook, blogs, Twitter, and email are allowing the world to come to your front doorstep, if not your back pocket. So, not only is Abilene too small to act that way. The world is simply too small to be impatient with your fellow man.

As I peruse the Valentine cards and expressions of love this month, I will also consider those folks who test my patience the most. Oh, I won’t buy a card. My valentine to the cashier who takes too long, the waitress on her first day, or the driver who turns in front of me only to drive at a turtle pace will be kindness, patience, and gentleness.

I won’t go burning’ any bridges. The world is just too small to act that way. Momma will be proud.

Marriage Monday on Tuesday

It's been a VERY long time since I've posted a Marriage Monday and... since it's late Tuesday afternoon, does this even count at all? I'm going with 'yes' because I can't make anything cute out of marriage and Tuesdays. It just doesn't work.

Yesterday (Monday) I was doing all of my running around because today the sky fell in. Or... it snowed in West Texas. Take your pic, because it creates equal amount of panic and mayhem. Honestly, you would NOT believe the scene at the grocery stores. Unbelievable. It's truly not supposed to be above freezing for several days. The grocery store madness was compounded by the fact that Monday was the end of the month and payday for many people (our family included) so I was at the store, too. Of course I failed to buy the mandatory gallon of milk you're supposed to buy before a snow storm, so of course we will be out before the thaw.

I do have something on my heart about marriage that I wanted to post about. It probably means more to me than it will to you... isn't that always the way?

If you haven't been keeping track/ keeping up, you may not be aware that for the better part of the week, my husband lives 200 miles away to work at a new job that we are VERY thankful he has. The kids and I are waiting for the house to sell and pray for our family to live together as a whole unit again very soon. We have actually been living with this arrangement for almost 3 months now, when I didn't think I would survive one month. It's amazing what the Lord will grant you the peace and strength to do when called to do.

And, I do realize, this situation is far more difficult for my husband than it is for the kids and me. We have our own house, our own friends, our own support system -- you wouldn't believe the prying eyes of the neighborhood... and I LOVE it! People ask to drive the kids somewhere or can they pick anything up for me or do I need them to drop anything off when they go here or there. Love it! But of course it never makes up for having a spouse living in your home.

And Troy is very thankful that he has relatives where he can live rent-free. They have always been 100% gracious, but of course he feels like he is intruding, and is so ready to be in his own home, with his own family. And every day he is surrounded by people he doesn't know very well (though after 3 months, I suppose they are becoming closer...) while he trudges the unfamiliar territory of a new job. In short, we would really like our family to live together.

We trust -- God has given us that peace that surpasses understanding (I promise this is a post about marriage in here somewhere. Stick with me) that He will bring a buyer for our home in his perfect timing. We have prayed and listened for His guidance about the price of our home and many other things and we truly believe it is simply left up to His time. So we wait.

And the things I have learned about myself, my husband and my God could fill volumes but most of them are things you need to learn on your own. This may be one of those things.

Last week was a particularly difficult, perhaps impatient, week. I tried a million times to lay down MY will and MY way to the Lord, only to pick it up again and shake it at Him and say, "But don't you WANT us to live together???" As a side note, I do believe the answer to that is that yes, He does, but He also trusts us in this time and knows that we can learn and grow in this time, so He is not in a hurry as we are in a hurry. ("But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness." 2 Peter 3:8,9... encouraging... but not... you know?)

When Troy FINALLY arrived back "at home" -- such a weird thing, this "at home": when we live together full time again, it won't be in this home. Just weird. So, when he finally arrived here, I noticed how much more patient I was with little annoyances and inconveniences. Ever go to get in the shower just as your spouse does? I do... ALL the time. Your spouse ever park behind you or in YOUR spot? ALL the time.

Guess what? I cannot WAIT to be inconvenienced by the little things of my spouse again. And it made me grateful that I get a second chance. I know wives whose spouses are deployed who learn not to be annoyed at the little things. I have widow friends -- of ALL ages, many WAY too young to be widows -- who would give anything for their spouse to be in the shower when they want to be.

I was sharing my life lesson with a precious friend at church over the weekend and she got tears in her eyes.

"Thank you for saying that," she said. "We were just cleaning the kitchen together last night and he was ALWAYS right in front of the trash can when I needed it. I tried to tell myself, 'Well, he doesn't have to be here at all...'"

Truth.

And, heaven knows I can certainly be one of the most annoying people on the planet to live with. Granted, my propensity to burst into random song could arguably be fun or annoying depending on who is voting, but I'm pretty sure my habit of leaving a trail of dishes and shoes in every room I inhabit is beyond annoying.

So, perhaps God is leading me to one of my four words for the year: Gentleness. Because I will continue to be gentle with this wonderful blessing of a man that God has gifted to me and our children. Why would I be anything else? Because sometimes I am focused on ME and what I need and what I want and MY time and MY schedule and MY convenience. And I just don't think that's what the Lord has in mind for marriage.

Praying for more patience... and always gentleness.

Manna for This Day

Good griefus! I am very consistent in my inconsistent blogging, no?

I have wanted to stop here a bazillion times and tell you stuff, but I just haven't stopped long enough to tell you.

More than anything, I would think my theme for right now is: hills and valleys. (I was going to say "roller coaster" but a) it's been done and b) there are no fun loop-de-loops -yet- just the ups and downs).

Last week the Lord gave me an AMAZING week with Him: hearing from Him, drawing so near to Him, just precious time with Him. And I wanted to stop and tell you about that. But I didn't.

So... of course, this week, Satan took note. Ugh. Ready for the planet to be rid of him! Lots of discouragement... And a headache that has lingered all week. Just little stuff that adds up to annoying. And, yesterday, I claimed it: I was tired of it. Tired of living away from Troy. Tired of trying to be the big girl. Tired of waiting for an answer. Tired.

Of course, there is part of my problem, honestly -- I'm not sleeping enough. Honestly. That's a whole other story. Oh, I CAN sleep when Troy's gone, I just don't go to bed on time.

So, I asked God to send me some encouragement. I reached out to some people that I knew would encourage me, as well. And in little sprinkles of blessings, God provided exactly what I needed just for yesterday. I wish I could tell you that my house sold yesterday and God took care of it THAT way. Um... no. Because part of my amazing week with him last week was learning how much there is to learn in the waiting. But he did send me the encouragement I needed just for the day. Manna to make it through.

And today is a new day. The sun is on its way up now. I still have a headache, for which I am most annoyed (please, winter, cut me some SLACK!) but I am trusting the Lord for the Manna to get through this day, as well.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22,23

Good Things Out There

It's been a LONG time since I've done a "Good Things Out There" post... and this one will be brief.

My father has always been a big believer in learning people's names. I try to notice, but confess I'm not very religious about it. This article is a great reminder that learning someone's name not only makes that person feel good, but it can pay off for you, as well.

I have really come to enjoy reading Michael Hyatt's blog. He is the president of Thomas Nelson publishing (Christian books). He has excellent things to say about leadership, organization, productivity, and even parenting. I enjoyed this article: "44 Actions You Can Take Now to Boost Your Energy." None of them involve Hydroxy-Cut.

I thought this article entitled "The Two Sides of Responsibility" was an interesting look at obesity: political vs. personal problem. It was written by Michael Prager, author of "Fat Boy, Thin Man."

(My brief "good things" post is getting longer and longer because I keep running across good stuff!)

I'm re-stealing/ linking this from Julie. And reciting it to myself. A lot. Capable people struggle with finding balance. Right?

This is an older post of Michael Hyatt's that I came across later in the week about modesty for our girls. Some excellent guidelines to be teaching them.

I had this video on Facebook a while back... I may have even posted it here. I like this guy's attitude: even if you don't know the words, go ahead and sing out. You will probably make someone smile:

If you would like to add your 'Good Thing' button to your blog, copy the code into an 'HTML' box on your sidebar:

<a border="0" href="http://www.sarahstirman.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i341.photobucket.com/albums/o397/SarahSti/blogbuttongoodthing-Page002.jpg" /></a>

Keepin' It Real...

As I've mentioned a bazillion times here, our house is on the market. Sunday, we had an Open House. So, I spent all week getting our house clean and spotless so that we could breeze out the door no problem on Sunday afternoon.

Uh, no.

I did a few things to declutter. I did put the Christmas tree away. What more do you want?

Ashley had a sleepover on Friday night for her birthday (post about how OLD I feel to have a 15 year old to come shortly) so by Saturday morning we were covered in blankets and pizza boxes, as well as the clutter from the previous week.

I decided to wander around the house at 5 p.m. Saturday evening to show you what my house looked like 20 hours before an Open House (this also explains why I wasn't in class Sunday morning, why I was backing out of my driveway 10 min. before it started, and why I noticed puppy footprints that should have been mopped up after the open house):

The kitchen area, where Troy has already thrown away the 4 pizza boxes, but there is still a box on the floor that contains a Christmas gift (to me), the kitchen desk has several Christmas gifts (to me) covering it, there are tennis shoes (not mine) next to Stickers' cage, who, for some reason, has 2 open bags of food. You can't see Duchess' nose prints on the French doors from here.

I should have turned on the light in the dining room for you to get a better view of the clutter. Troy already (are you noticing that all of the clutter is mine and Troy is doing all of the picking up?) picked up the newspaper and breakfast dishes, but the Sonic cup and all manner of my running gear (headband, headphones, gloves, etc.) are on the table. Beyond that on a bench in the corner is a box of Christmas decorations that still need to be put away. Good thing I only got out one box of Christmas decorations!
The bedroom. Notice there is a child in the unmade bed. I actually make my bed religiously during the week, but on the weekends, all bets are off. Troy's suitcase that he lives out of ALL THE TIME is there under the window. In front of it are my clothes that I stepped out of to change to go running, and some PJ's from the morning.
This is my favorite picture. Here is Duchess, knowing that some great calamity is going to befall her when a cleaning frenzy takes place -- either she's going to be left alone here for a very long time (we leave town), or she's going to be drug in the car to wait out an open house. She's not having it at this point.
If you would like to see pictures of my pristine house, you are welcome to view our real estate website. But where's the fun in pristine? Honestly...

You know, as I post this it occurs to me that I don't mind showing you this junk for many reasons. One... it really isn't THAT bad. Okay, the bedroom is pretty bad, but it has been MUCH worse. Trust me. Also, I know that we ALL let our house go on occasion, usually on the weekend.

I have really been convicted lately of my double speak. I SAY that I am "all about authenticity" but there are certain things I won't confess here. Of course, it's a difficult balance because I do have a family to protect and honor, as well (but I sure didn't mind showing their dirty house).

What I won't let you peek into is my pride, or my greed, or my judgmental heart. I don't openly talk about that. Baby steps, baby steps.

Hoping you will be kind when I find the courage...

James 5:16:
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

The Waiting Place

"And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!"

(excerpt from Dr. Seuss' "Oh, The Places You'll Go!")

I'm considering how much of the last year of our lives we have spent in The Waiting Place. This Waiting Place (waiting for a house to sell) is a smidgen different than the last Waiting Place (of waiting for a job), which I presume will be just a little different than the next Waiting Place.

And I'll be honest, I initially RAGE against The Waiting Place. First I organize it: there is a plan for how we will wait and how long we will wait, and the activities we will do while we wait. God usually thumps my plan over at some point.

I have to send up a praise and tell you that God has finally brought me to the peace that surpasses human understanding in my current Waiting Place. That is NOT me at all, but the work of the Spirit in my life. Sarah wants it mapped out, squared away, over and DONE, but the Spirit has brought some amazing grace AND peace into my life and led me to be still and wait.

My prayer in this time is to "redeem the time" -- may God use it for His good. Let us not squander our time of waiting twiddling our thumbs or raging at the circumstances of an unsold house (yes, you heard plenty of that last month) or spending energy beating the bushes for a buyer that simply isn't here now. I will spend this time in prayer that my life may be His, praying that I may hear His nudge of how best to honor Him in time of waiting.

I pray much for sweet Troy, too, in his new job and new town that he may be at peace since I think he's definitely got the short end of this deal without the support system that the kids and I have here.

I don't know WHY we are here: it may be for me, it may be for Troy, or the kids, or the buyer of this house, or the seller of the next house. I simply don't know. I simply know that I want to use this time to His glory.

One thing that brought me to this place is a song. I play it almost every day -- at least once if not 3 or 4 times -- in the car as my prayer. I had forgotten about it, but someone posted it on Facebook. The first time I heard this was a little over a year ago at a funeral.

Remember my friend Dana? She lost her beloved husband to cancer way too soon. I think he was 37. She spoke very eloquently at his funeral, and said that this song had allowed her to get through, then she played "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller (originally in the movie "Fireproof"). Then she sat down. Through a crowd of people, I could see Dana in her seat.

With tears streaking her gorgeous porcelain skin, she lifted her face and hands heavenward, and praised and worshipped to this song. Dana, as all people in grief, are now in a forever waiting place -- waiting to see their loved one. Remembering that moment has given me new resolve. If she, my beautiful, stubborn, strong friend can lift her hands in praise at her husband's funeral, then I can by golly buck up and lift my hands in praise waiting for a house to sell.

While I'm waiting...

Walking Through Unemployment

I came across this excellent post about how to mentally go through unemployment. It was her spouse that was unemployed, but when either of you are unemployed you are both walking that road, going through many of the same emotions and experiences.

It made me walk back through our own unemployment road a little. I didn't blog much about it at the time, for many reasons. Mainly because I was working so hard to keep my own head above water mentally, I couldn't gather my thoughts and put them down anywhere. And partly because I knew if I did put them down anywhere, I would NOT want to look at them.

If you don't click and read that whole article, one thing rang especially true for me. Quoting:

"I found I was so distracted by the tornado of job searching that it was hard for me to be around others (even at church) whose futures seemed secure. At times we felt like we were wandering through a blizzard — we could see people enjoying the warmth of their fireplaces through their picture windows while our family was out in the workplace cold."

That is very true for me. I gravitated to a precious few people that had recently walked the unemployment road or who were a constant source of encouragement for me. To stare into the future and see... nothing ... isn't as frightening when you "know who holds your future" -- but it becomes very wearisome. Especially when two beautiful pair of blue eyes looked at you at least weekly and asked (with their eyes if not verbally), "Mom...? What's going to happen? Where will we be living? Can I stay at my school?" And you simply do not know.

We are so very thankful for Troy's new job. As hard as it was for him to lose a job, we know that God is in all of it. Troy is LOVING his new job, and we trust that God has many things for him to do there.

Even as difficult as it is to have him going back and forth, living out of a suitcase, not knowing when we will be living together again -- it STILL isn't as hard as having NO idea what the future holds. We know that EVENTUALLY we will live where he is working, and EVENTUALLY we will all live together again. God's peace that passes understanding has settled on this house.

If you are walking the road of unemployment, I have no words of comfort other than to tell you that God knows the path you are on and is leading you. Lean into His arms. If you know OF someone walking that road, I would encourage you to offer small, meaningful words of encouragement. I will tell you that the BEST encouragement I got was from a friend who would text me once or twice a week and either say: "Praying for you at this moment." or text me a scripture. How simple is that? It only required that I be thought about and a very small action taken .

That is when Romans 15:13 became my lifeline:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Four Words

At the beginning of every year, I hear/ read on blogs some people say, "The Lord gave me my word for the year: xxxx" (no, no one actually uses xxxx. You know.) Anyway, some people spend a year focusing on 3 words.

Last week as 'words' kept cropping up on people's blogs and statuses (stati?) I started praying (remember, I'm going to hear from the Lord?):

"Lord do you have a word for me? I think I may need a word? What about a word? Aren't you going to give ME a word? Come ON already...!! A word!"

Surprisingly enough, the word: Patience ...
came to mind.

But so many other words came to mind over the next week, too. Actually, tomorrow is when I was going to give myself to come up with A word. And I have come up with 4 words. Not because I am an over-achiever, or think I'm better. But for two reasons: a) I really like all words. The more the merrier, I always say. and b) I have many more things to work on. Even if I live to be 100 (I still need to tell you the story of my 99 year old grandmother who wants to buy a Christmas sweater for next year) only working on one word a year is too few.

My 4 words and why they are important to me at this season of my life:
1) Patience: in everything. Listening to the Lord. Waiting on my husband. Waiting for the light to turn green. Waiting on the person with a bazillion groceries to check out. Waiting for the house to sell. Waiting for answers. Waiting on my children. Patience in all things.

2) Humility: This is one of those blessings that comes with the wrinkles and gray hair. Help me to be ready, nay eager to say: "you don't have to do it my way" "but I could be wrong" "what do you think?" "as long as it makes you happy".

3) Gentleness: This will come with humility, I suppose, since my non-gentleness seems to stem from my matter-of-fact-ness: "This is the way it is. Put your happy britches on about it. Move along." Part of that is my parenting gene (and it wouldn't kill me to pour some gentleness into that, either) and part of that is my logical gene. The Spirit needs to smooth out those rough edges in me.

4) Wisdom: So thankful scripture tells us that as we pray for wisdom it will be granted. For instance, if God also grants me humility, how will I know when to stand up with a solid backbone and speak Truth into someone at a difficult time? Wisdom (and love) will have to be over all and in all of these words.

Does anyone else use words in a year? I would love to hear yours!

Time With Jesus

Jana mentioned one of her resolutions was to listen more to what God has for her. In her wise words, "I'm so busy gabbing my head off to Him (or ignoring Him entirely) that I have no idea what He has to say to me or what He wants me to do."

That made me think of this video that never fails to step on my toes AND make me laugh.


Shortly before Christmas I read a very powerful book, "The Power of a Whisper: Hearing God, Having the Guts to Respond" by Bill Hybels, founding pastor of Willow Creek Community Church. (at the time, it was a free Kindle download. Sadly, it isn't anymore -- still worth a read!)

God is still speaking to each of his children today. I am finding that my untrained ear still isn't sure what is His whisper and what is my brain. That requires more prayer and practice. But He speaks through His word, through other children, and through my own thoughts. Read the book. Great read.

Jeremiah 33:3 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

Resolutions? Goals? Po-tay-to? Po-tah-to?

I mentioned yesterday that I have really balked at setting goals/ resolutions because of our state of transition/ whatever. I have also, always in the past, really steered away from setting hard- and -fast resolutions only to fail and feel crummy about myself.

So. I have goals. Some are 'this-year-specific'. Some not. Some I will share with you to hold myself accountable. Some not (though I do plan to share them with SOMEONE to hold me accountable -- I think that's a great idea).

Other ways I have seen folks go about goal setting recently:

Rob has a very ambitious 101 Things in 1,001 days (almost 3 years) list.

Erin Doland of Unclutterer plans to have monthly goals (but she also plans to plan each day to the hour. Wow.). I have tried a variation of monthly goals before.

Michael Hyatt (I have no idea if he also does New Year's Resolutions on top of this) creates an overall Life Plan, working toward the end result of the person he would like to be. He reviews this each quarter.

I started and created myself a Life Plan, as well. I have always LOVED the word 'intentionality'. If there is someplace you want to end up (being a good parent and spouse, skilled writer/ basket weaver, certain level of fitness, etc.) you need to PLAN to end up there on purpose. It rarely happens on accident. So I have a life plan -- I have a few areas I still need to work toward writing out (blech -- who wants to face a plan for their finances? We just want LOTS of money, right??)

These are a few of the things I am working toward this year (and I think most of these are on my Life Plan):

*Read more books. At least 2 fiction, 1 non-fiction per month. I know for you big readers that isn't a lot, but I just get sucked into blogs and facebook and my own stuff and let it get away from me. I have gotten a running start on this by using the library and the Kindle on my iPhone and my laptop (you can get Kindle software on almost any electronic device now). This page will help you find some good deals on Kindle, but between Amazon 1-click and iTunes, I can drain my bank account $1.29 at a time!

*Complete 2 half-marathons this year. I am already registered for the Dallas Rock -n - Roll in March. So, Lord willin' and barring injury, that will be #1. My 2nd will be in the fall and I'm not sure which that will be. My overall goals for running is to continually better my time (I would almost have to stand still to make it worse than it was last fall!)

*Memorize 52 verses of scripture. I am participating in Beth Moore's Scripture Memory Team which only requires that you memorize 24 (2 per month). I knew that wasn't enough of a challenge for me, considering how much scripture I want to be rolling through my head. 52 is an ambitious goal, no doubt. But I know I can do it. (and you can totally do 24 -- it's not too late to start if you want!)

*Consistently be in the word and in prayer. Because I always have my time in the word first thing in the morning, it's also the first thing to get dropped off when life gets crazy. I have been catching my Bible reading here, and "praying without ceasing", but I miss the structured time. This is one of the reasons I have made myself have monthly goals -- to get back to this.(Y'all, I found this "Bible Reading Plan for Slackers and Shirkers". Can NOT tell you how much I love it!!)

*No Diet Cokes. Again. I was off of Diet Cokes for almost a year because of my migraines and for some crazy reason, started ooching back onto them this summer. When one didn't bother me, I had one or two more. Then a LOT more. However, now that winter has hit, the combination of my migraine preventative and the Diet Cokes keep my fingers and toes miserably cold, and the carbonation affects my running (as in, my breathing). Why do I drink that junk? Because it is yummy. But I will not put one to my lips for 2011. About to take the last of a 12-pack over to a friend's house now.

These are all I can think of right now. What about you? Goals? Plans? Resolutions?

A New Year, Same Old Junk

So. 2011. *sniff, sniff* Still smells like 2010 to me...

Remember how before the holidays I wrote (quite a bit) about not moving, etc.? Yeah, still not moving. Still tired of people asking when we are moving.

Resolutions? Plans? Goals?

See, I don't want to do ANY of that because it isn't neat and tidy. You see, it should all be color- coded on my calendar in my goal-setting and checking off and how to go about it. Yet, when I don't know when I'll be moving or my forwarding address, or any of that, I balk at planning ahead very much.

Yes, yes, grinchity, grinch. However, I have come to see the blessing in facing the black hole that is my 2011.

You see, I thought I had my 2010 all mapped out for me last year. I had goals and plans. I had ideas. I had thoughts. I boxed up my Christmas decorations having NO idea what 2010 would hold for me. And what a blessing that was. Sure, I was blindsided when tough times came, but I'm glad I didn't spend the first 6 months of the year dreading that moment.

And now? Now I'm glad that I know that 2011 will be a year of change, upheaval and transition for us. Obviously, I can't lie: I loathe the blackness stretching in front of us. The Unknown of when and where and how long. I LIKE having my calendar squared away and filled in. But I do know that God is here, through it all. God has ordained every day of my life before it ever dared to get written on a calendar. I don't HAVE to see the road ahead, because God is in it. I am thankful that I have that reminder through this time.

I have claimed Joshua 3:5 as a verse for our family for this year:

Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you.”

We are living expectantly that this road we are on will take us amazing places with the Lord.

Christmas Fun

A Little Grinching For the Season

Ever have one of those moments that takes you back -- no matter how briefly -- to your most awkward, rejected middle school feelings?

Yeah, that happened. And, I am callin' her out.

My family depends on me to fill them in on ALLLLLL the details of any situation, no matter if I have ever been there or not.

"How long will this take?"
"Will we know anyone?"
"How many other people are there?"

And on and on it goes. And so it was earlier this week as I drug my family to do a little ministry to others. The project was city-wide, come one, come all, and I had never done it before, either.

I was already feeling a little rattled being there by myself with the kids, answering all of their questions about it, yet trying to maintain my calm through it all. I walked into a very crowded room where we were being herded to receive instructions and ... HEY! There's some people I know... not very well.

There were some people who attend my church... yes, my same church... sitting in one area and one row of chairs had 3 seats left in it. Me, two kids. I make a move to claim said seats.

This woman from my church -- yes, my sister in Christ -- doesn't even make eye contact with me, but SLAMS both of her hands down on the one seat closest to her and is looking about FRANTICALLY for the person that should be occupying the seat.

I have not felt so humiliatingly rejected since 6th grade when I didn't own a pair of Luv-It jeans with the satin lips and lipstick on the pocket.

You know, if she had simply smiled and said, "I'm sorry... I'm waiting for my husband/ friend/ Darth Vader/ bin Laden/ neighborhood leper to sit here... we only have 2 seats." it just wouldn't have been so bad.

I simply smiled, found 3 other seats next to a Dyess B-1 pilot who had manners, and added her to my list of people I simply will not miss once I don't live here.