A Decorating Thought

This one isn't whining about my house not selling, I promise.

In "staging" our house, we are keeping all things minimalist, including Christmas decorations. We got down the pre-lit tree, the stockings and stocking hangers, and that's about it. I didn't want to get down ALL of the ornaments (you know, the precious little handprint ones, the dixie cups rolled in glitter with jingle bells hung with yarn from the inside), but the lights alone were a little... pathetic.

So I checked out who had Christmas ribbon on sale and, lo and behold, when you wait until the middle of December to decorate, EVERYONE has their decorations and ribbon on sale! I went to Michael's and bought several (way too many, it turned out) rolls of wide, wired ribbon that was 60% off, so it was $4/ roll. Turns out, on our tree, 3 rolls was PLENTY, but I'll keep one extra roll just for good measure.

So, my thought for today is: $16 bucks worth of ribbon can make a tree look like a tree. Not bad. (yes, I know we have a strand out. It's not the fuses. We give up.)

For Nothing Is Impossible

As you might imagine, I'm a little single-minded these days, so this 'choose one thought' blog idea may not work out too well. They may seem to all center around the same theme for a while. I will try to vary the idea a bit throughout the week. But today, the idea centers around the same thing I spoke about last time: my house hasn't sold.

I have become very specific in my prayers with the Lord. And bold. My prayer is not that my house will sell "soon" or "quickly". You see, scripture tells me that a day with the Lord is like a thousand years. So, I am being very specific in telling the Lord every time I pray that I would please like my house to sell THIS MONTH. Sure, it's a long shot. Sure it's the holidays. Sure it's the worst economy ever. But He is God and I will boldly ask.

Yesterday, through a series of events that I'll share later God led me to read Luke 1. And in Luke 1, I have a verse highlighted and underlined.

v. 37: "For nothing is impossible with God."

Now, I realize there are 2 ways to take this. Obviously, I could hear it that selling my home this month is not impossible with God. OR me surviving it NOT selling this month is not impossible with God. But God and I (and all of you) know which way I want that to go!

That makes me think of Evan Almighty when God had told Evan there would be a flood on Sept. whatever. And on Sept. whatever Evan is standing there ON HIS ARK that he built and there is nary a cloud in the sky.

Evan's wife says, "Maybe... maybe God didn't mean a literal flood. Maybe He meant a flood of knowledge, or emotion, or awareness."
Evan replies, "Oh, if that's true, I am going to be so ticked."

Yeah. Please Lord.

So we wait, secure in the knowledge that nothing is impossible with God.

And tonight, while we wait, to reframe our minds, the kids and I will be volunteering with a local ministry to inner city children to deliver blankets, food, and gifts for the season. And we will then return to our warm home, that we still own, and be very grateful that we have it and for all that the Lord has given us.

"For nothing is impossible with God."

Just a Thought

Julie inspired my to dip my toe back into blogging ever so lightly.

If you don't want to clicky-click ALLLL the way over to Julie's spot, here is what she says:

"For some reason I find myself flush with ideas as I go about my day that I think would make most interesting blog topics. However, when I finally sit down at the computer they have flown from my mind, like birds seeking warmer places for winter...

It's not that I can't remember anything about my day, it's just that the writing impetus has gone, gone away...

So today I decided that surely for the next few days I could just write one sentence. Or better put, just one thought."

So I shall try to give you just one thought on my blog, but my dream last night was a foreshadowing of trying to catch that thought. I was trying to help a toddler out of water that was up to the top of her head. Her mother had no idea that the water was too deep for her and had left her. For some reason, I was hovering over the water. Let's not analyze, shall we. I would get within arm's reach of the toddler, and she would walk in a circle, trying to figure out how to get out of the water. This went on to a comedic level. I was frantically reaching for this toddler walking in circles in water. No, I never got her. The alarm went off.

Yes, my thoughts to capture are that elusive. Julie's one was about her Christmas lights that she is thankful for. We don't have any up right now. We don't have any Christmas out. My hope was that our house would at this point be "under contract" and we would be frantically packing, buying a new home, etc. Instead we are waiting on God's perfect timing to bring a buyer to our home.

And, if I had to give you one thought, it would be that, since that is the question I get most frequently, "How's the sale of your house going?" And my response is, "About like you would expect during the holidays of the worst economy of my lifetime..."

Most days I am at peace, but the past two nights I have slept like a baby. Meaning -- in 2 hour increments. And in my 2 hour increments, I'm evidently dreaming of near-drownings of toddlers. I'm not well rested which means I'm not in a super great frame of mind.

At one point when I was at peace, God brought to mind a verse I am claiming for our family for 2011. I know that at this point in time, God is taking us to a new town to do something... awesome for Him. I don't know what, but the hard part is waiting to get started.

Stirman family verse for 2011:
Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you." Joshua 3:5

Let's do this thing!

Eighteen??

Today's the day!

Yes, it's a day of craziness and another day of sending Troy off to work at a job far away after he survived, nay, thoroughly enjoyed his first week. Add to it a birthday for a 13 year old complete with Harry Potter film fest, a basketball tournament and an out of town basketball game

and we are a family ON THE GO. Oh... of course today is Open House for the house, so I SHOULD be dusting, scrubbing, sweeping, mopping, straightening, or tossing something, but right now I have to pause to remember.

Eighteen years ago this morning I was waking up for the last time as a single woman. It was a muggy Louisiana morning (there are about 4 per year that aren't). I remember certain vivid details about my wedding day, few of them that you want to hear. I do remember my Poppa Max's booming voice as he prayed over us. I remember poor Roxanne, my maid of honor, had a sinus infection. It POURED on us after we left from our honeymoon. And I thought I loved Troy more than I ever would or could.

Eighteen years later I love him still and I love him more. I have made no secret of the fact that our marriage isn't perfect now and has had its share of trouble... which is why I love him so. We have both fought hard for what we have which makes it that much more precious.

Troy and I both are "out there" folks in our own way -- he is a networking/ making things happen guy, and I am the write about what has happened gal. God taught me years ago that my emotions and happiness don't depend on Troy (that is God's place in my life) but Troy very ably steps in and reminds me of my gifts, points out where I might best use them in God's kingdom, and when Satan tries to convince me it won't work or I can't do it, Troy points out the lie that is. The "being comfortable in my own skin" that has come with age has also come from being married to Troy. My skin is pretty comfortable next to him, too.

So, in the midst of this crazy day, happy anniversary to the love of my life. I hope we get way more than 18 more.

I thought this post, by Matt Hammit of Sanctus Real, was wonderful for today. If you haven't heard of his story, Matt's baby, Bowen, was born about 6 weeks ago with serious heart complications. Following surgery, several scary days, and a LONG stay in the NICU, Bowen FINALLY came home this week... one day before Matt had to leave for a show. He talks about his struggle to find that elusive balance we all look for.

What. A. Day.

As I was opening my eyes this morning, I was thinking, "We should leave the house 'show ready' when we go to church this morning... they gave us such short notice yesterday, and the weekends may be a busy time for house hunters..." Yeah..

Then Troy came back and told me that the dog (our LARGE dog) had a LARGE accident in the laundry room. VERY unlike her, I think I know what happened, but nonetheless, there was machinery that needed to be moved, grout to be cleaned, etc. Troy thought he had cleaned it all up, but he can't smell anything, so off I went scrubbing and mopping and moving the dryer, etc.

That didn't get the morning off to a very peaceful beginning as you might imagine.

The day concluded with trying to coax a hibernating hedgehog out of her cage so that we could clean it out -- we had forgotten to bring her in from the garage when we had someone come to look at the house yesterday. She's fine in cold temperatures, but she goes into hibernation. Good times, good times.

Betwixt and between I sent my husband on his way to a town 180 miles away for his first week of work -- only to send him with my car keys so that he would have to turn around about 30 miles out and come back... --, took a teenage girl clothes shopping (which was actually relatively painless compared to everything else), and helped son prepare for a devo talk.

I'll be honest -- you knew I was going to -- I haven't loved today. But I have been thankful. I have been tempted to gripe (and I have) -- but underneath it all, I am thankful. If nothing else, it's awesome blog material, right?

Yesterday afternoon I was blessed to meet and spend a few minutes talking to the mother of the stinkin' cutest little 4 year old leukemia patient -- still going through one more year of treatment. Also learned of a 5 year old diagnosed with leukemia. Can I really complain because of a few inconveniences due to a new job and life transition? I'm sure I can, but Lord help me if I do.

Today was the first of what will be several challenging days ahead, I'm sure. Mandisa sings it best, "It's only the World", oh, yes, it is.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17,18

Fixing my eyes on the eternal to get past this temporary mess.

What A Difference 9 Years Makes

We are in the 'staging' phase of selling our house. We hope to get it on the market in the next 48-72 hours. This morning we had a friend come over who stages homes professionally. I THOUGHT I had looked at enough house listings to have a good idea of how to show our house well. This gal had great ideas but it involved some WORK on our end.

Troy and I were BOTH overwhelmed. Still are. But I did realize tonight the difference a few years can make in a move.

Nine years ago it would have gone like so:

She: we need to move that here, this there, and that over there.

Him: I'm not moving that.

She: silent and sullen, pouting and sad that it won't get done, but when asked, she is FINE

Now:

She: we need to move that here, this there, and that over there.

Him: I'm not moving that.

She: But what if I really want it that way?

(After two hours of shoving, pulling, rearranging, and vacuuming --- DONE).

And everyone lived happily ever after.

Too Much! Too Much!

It is BEYOND time to get the "Just for Today" post off of there! I have SO many things I want to tell you that I am FROZEN and haven't told you anything. So here I am to tell you something, which is always better than nothing, but it won't be everything. Right? Here we go. May have to hit the high points:

** Hello. We have a job. Y'all, I am not kidding. The very day, nay, the HOUR that I was posting my last little post -- and weeping a little through it -- Troy called me from an interview, "They LOVE me!!" In short, he was "lead candidate" for this job. So we waited. And waited. And waited some more. Then we yelled at each other a lot. I'm not kidding. That's one of the posts I want to write: what healthy marriages do under stress. It isn't pretty, but somehow we make it through. Then FINALLY the actual job offer came in. As of November 15, Troy will be working for the Cox School of Business at SMU in Dallas. Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness.

** So... if you understand my current zip code, and Troy's job situation, you will figure out that there is a move in my future. I have figured out that to say the word 'move' and hand me a cardboard box, I have a Pavlovian response of elevated blood pressure, increased acid level in my stomach, and a tension headache. And my feet hurt. I don't move well, can you tell? Our move here was stressful, but went fabulously.... until we hit these city limits and the bottom fell out of our life. Then the next 3 years continued to eat our lunch. I do not have the mental wherewithall to do that again.

Most people ask about the kids. They are being good sports and handling it pretty well. They know that we have all prayed that we stay here, and God has led us to the Dallas area. So... can they really argue? :-) Of course, I am tempted to worry since I am mom, but when my brain travels that direction, I pray for just ONE friend for them those first few days and weeks, and that they will have someone to sit with at lunch on their first day of school.

** Race report: I really want to write an actual race report blog post, but if I don't get to it, I need to say that this last weekend was the 'Marathoning for Miracles' half- marathon for Children's Miracle Network. I completed it and truly had a great time.

We often quote an Andy Griffith show around here. Barney had gotten a new car, and all went for a drive, but Gomer was a little prone to motion sickness. The crew was driving through the hills surrounding Mayberry in Barney's new car when Barney thought to ask, "Gomer, how ya' doin'?" Gomer replied, in his characteristic drawl, "I'm sick as a dawg, but I'm havin' the time of m' life!" So... yeah ... I hurt all over, but I had the time of my life. I really did. I got texts from all over the state, I read encouraging facebook messages and tweets from EVERYWHERE. Saturday, I was mentally ready to take on two more a year for the rest of my life, improving my time every race. Today (after a few days' rest and missing running) my brain has already geared away from running and thinking that I don't ever want to run again. Someone please make me run. My brain will need it in the midst of this mess I'm in.

**Various and sundry: I have been blessed to see my boy score touchdowns this year! Big doin's for 7th grade football! Very exciting. Loving being a band parent for Friday games with Ashley, too, but Friday night is supposed to get down to 36*. We aren't even to playoffs yet! Brrrrrrrrrrr! Love to watch my babies in action, using their gifts! We are so blessed.

So... I've got plenty going on over here. What about you? What's up with you?

Just For Today

Just for today... I am so weary of the not knowing.

Last night, like several others recently, I sat through a parent meeting about a sport, wondering how long our family will be living in this town, if my child will have an opportunity to participate in the sport.

Just for today... the tears are closer to the surface than usual.

The constant holding us up wears a momma down, and eventually I collapse physically. I don't feel sad or down as much as I simply feel tired. Tired of the mental jockeying of 'what if/ what now/ which way/ what to do'. Simply tired.

Just for today... I don't have to have it all figured out.

Today I don't have the energy or strength to figure out all the possibilities of goin's on in our lives. It is a day that I will gather my family close, drawing strength and joy from them. Obviously, I will openly confess that this unemployment/ uncertain future isn't always the barrel of laughs it was billed to be.

When I say 'uncertain future'... please hear this: I'm saying I'm not positive what my address will be. I'm a planner and compartmentalizer (not a word... I know). I need the things ahead of me to fit on my calendar and in my address book. Looking into the vast stretch of nothingness in front of me has been a HUGE stretch for me that, for the most part, I have been totally okay with. But... just for today... I am not.

The important things are in my future: my God will be faithful no matter where my feet walk the earth and where my head touches my pillow at night. Which is why under the exhaustion, even under the tears, I have a peace. Peace that a God who loves me more than I can know is holding us all in His hand.

Just for today... I am so grateful.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

Watching The Kids

I literally have two minutes, but just have a thought in my head ... you know, rolling around because it's otherwise fairly empty except for remnants of a shopping list and some Christmas ideas... and I wanted to put it down.

Yesterday Troy had a phone interview scheduled for mid-morning. Early morning, he got called and could he possibly reschedule it for 5 p.m. "Sure, that won't be a problem." The instant he hung up he smacked his forehead. "Shoot! I spoke too soon! That is RIGHT in the middle of Riley's football game!" He grieved and moaned. He debated about attending the 4:15 game at all, but finally decided to go to the first quarter of it, hating that he had to miss any of it (and, true to form, Riley had an awesome game, as Ashley always does in her sporting events when one of us has to miss any of it!)

I was thinking about how much Troy and I both love watching our kids "in action" and "doing their thing"... basically using the gifts that God has given them, and how out of our way we will go to catch just a few minutes of it. Sometimes it's here in the house, I love to hear the insights they have on a subject because of the gift of their humor or intelligence or compassion, but it also brings us great joy to watch them at play on the court or field of their choice, going all out for a sport that they enjoy, win or lose (and, no doubt, winning is always more fun). We love to see and hear them play in band, and have been amazed to hear the progress as they have gone from fledgling beginners to accomplished honors band members.

As the Lord often does, He spoke to me about how it gives Him great joy to see His children "in action" and "doing their thing", using the gifts that He has given us.

Lord, may I not get so caught up in the every day of this world that I miss what you have for me. May you delight in seeing me use the gifts you have blessed me with. May I purposely unfold and develop those gifts for your glory this day and every day.

Friday Laughs

Techno-Rant by a Techno-Snob

With my husband looking for work, and precious little of it to be found in our fair town, there is a strong possibility that our family will end up relocating at some point in the next 6-12 months. With relocation, comes starting over with schools, church, doctors, hairdressers, vets, the whole of living.

Here is something I have realized: if you are a church or school in 2010 and your website doesn't reflect that it's 2010, do not expect my family to give you an opportunity to meet our needs otherwise.

And, being a further snob, I'll tell you (as a church) you NEED our family in your midst, oh, yes, you do. Okay, a school does, too, but school families who will be involved are a dime a dozen. Church families who will be involved... not so much. Evidently, they are all too busy being involved at school. Troy is a great administrator in things he gets involved in at church, gorgeous voice for singing, I take my turn teaching Sunday school, and my kids will make your youth ministry look good. They are leaders among their peers and sweet kids, befriending kids of all shapes and sizes. And... yeah, you want to know... of course we give on a regular basis. We are your model church family.

But if I move to my new (undetermined) town and am scouting out churches and pull up your website and it has (only) an article by the preacher, pictures of the staff, and service times and location... pass. That is a 2003 website.

I started thinking about this when a Facebook friend also recently relocated and mentioned that she had placed membership at The Happy Sunshine Church (*not actual name of congregation). Since my friend had relocated in North America, and we will probably relocate somewhere in North America, I thought I would scope out The Happy Sunshine Church. One can never be too prepared.

Um... yeah. Won't be going there. Pulled up the 'youth' page: a gray box with the word: 'testing' in the middle of it. Pulled up the youth calendar: same gray 'testing box'. They did have a super-secret, password-only member-only section, but I wasn't invited into that... My part was gray and 'testing'... And I was becoming 'testy'... Their WORDS said, "We would LOVE to have you visit us and you can find us at this location." Their website said, "You aren't worth the effort."

Yes, I do Facebook and Twitter, too, but I'm not being adamant about that. By the year 2000, once we all figured out that the lights were going to stay on after the Y2K scare, your church should have figured out, "Hey! I think this internet thing is going to stick around. We may need us a world wide internet address for our church."

Granted, MOST churches have seen the need for a website... but that is all. It's time to move past the year 2000, and let your website be an active place of outreach for your congregation, as well as a place to communicate with your members. If you'll notice, people now have the internet on their phone, at their kitchen table, at McDonald's and Starbuck's... they may be wondering where they are going to church on Sunday, and if the children's ministry is any more than coloring pages and 'testing'. What is your church communicating?

I think the church where I worship does a fairly good job of this (and in about 2 more weeks we will be unveiling a new, improved site that will be even better -- SO EXCITED!) I was blessed to work with the team that helped create the new site, and spent some time scouting out other church sites. I saw entirely too many church calendars set at October, 2006, or some other such random date when the website was created. If it isn't current, it's useless.

I think another local church has an awesome website as well.

If you are reading this and nodding and wishing your church had something like this, let me direct you to The Marketing Twins, Randy and Donny Vaughn. Troy and I were in school with Randy and Donny and they could totally hook you up with a website.

I mentioned schools, but I will say that since we are currently a public school family, most school districts do a GREAT job of communicating online, keeping calendars current, having a place to check grades, etc. If we move to a place where I feel that private schools are our best option, the website will be a key indicator as to the academic and technological capability of the school.

So... that is my techno-rant for today. Do you have website peeves? Would love to hear them.

Your Child's Village

originally in Abilene Families

As the initial school bells pealed this year, parents had varying emotions and approached the year with different attitudes, in different vehicles, and from various neighborhoods. However, as the paperwork filtered home, one thing bound us all together in a united brotherhood drowning in felled forestry: our loathing of the forms.

As a former educator, I recognize that (some of) the forms are a necessary evil that must be waded through. I believe that I even read somewhere that this year an effort was made to reduce the number of forms, but once I filled the same one out for athletics, band, drama, chemistry club, and my cashier at the grocery store, the effort was really lost on me.

Some of the questions on the forms stumped me, too. Questions that I know were meant to be easy: “Is Yiddish your primary language at home?” I mutter. I rant. I speak in half sentences. Whatever language that the children answer in, claim that one. I don’t know.

“Is your home a temporary living arrangement?” Well, that’s just a can of worms, isn’t it? First, we have high hopes that these people that require piles and piles of forms will move out and fill out their own forms some day. So, yes, this arrangement is temporary, Lord willin’.

Also, occasionally in church I sing a song about this earth not being my home, I’m just a-passin’ through, though I don’t believe having a heavenly home as a permanent dwelling is what the form is asking. I doubt there is even government assistance for that.

This year there was a new one that really stumped me. Next to all of the student’s contacts, you were to check a box next to the contact name if he or she was a “responsible party”. Hmmmmm. We sometimes eat popcorn for dinner and I have been known to leave my children at school forgetting it was my week for carpool. Can you really call me responsible? I checked my husband’s box.

Then, there were the blanks that make me freeze up every year. You know the ones - especially you military families that move frequently. Those dreaded “Emergency Contacts”. Not having family in town, my mind is as blank as the form before me as I consider who would drop everything to help my child were he or she to need it.

Sometimes I play Russian roulette with my cell phone and land on my dentist and my pizza place and call it good. Giving it a little more thought, I begin to realize how blessed I am.

An African proverb accurately states “It takes a village to raise a child”. While our villages today have more brick and mortar and drive-thru windows, the premise still holds true.

I consider the village that loves my family and have been our extended family here. People who have driven, housed, fed, partied, entertained, hugged, and loved my children are all on standby willing to be emergency contacts.

As a young person, I prided myself on being “fiercely independent”. Now as a not-so-young person, I realize what a handicap independence can be. Seeing myself as a member of my village I recognize the astounding value in the community that surrounds me: people and families each a different puzzle piece to complete the overall picture of my family.

Now the hard part is deciding which one to use as an emergency contact. While I do that, I shall be icing my carpal tunnel syndrome from filling out all those forms.

He's Still The Daddy

I wrote this a few years ago. A little over 3 years ago, it seems, as my girl will soon turn 15 (yes, those were my gray hairs "sproing-ing" straight up as I said that):

Our Ashley is adult-sized. She is not adult shaped, and, at barely 11, isn't an adult, but she is adult sized. Over 5' tall and in ladies clothes that do not fit because she isn't shaped like a lady yet, but the girl that she still is. She is still getting used to those long legs and ginormous feet that she inherited from her mother.

Last night, due to events we will never understand other than the earth's gravity, Ashley's feet came completely out from under her while she was walking into the kitchen. She had both hands full, so the entirity of her adult-sized body landed on her tailbone on our tile floor. As Troy and I stood over her trying to help her and determine what happened it quickly became obvious that even if there WERE something you could do for an injured tailbone, we didn't know what it was, and watching her cry and writhe in pain was heartbreaking.

So Troy squatted down and, without even audibly groaning, scooped up her adult-sized body as if she were still 3 or 4 and carried her to a more comfortable spot
-because she's his baby girl
-because she needed him
-because he's the daddy.

It still kind of makes me cry... because our opportunities to take care of our babies are so few these days. But Troy had one more opportunity to take care of his girl, somewhat like this, a few days ago. I wasn't around, I'm not even sure of the circumstances, but I know they left for a 'I need to be looking somewhat nice' occasion and promptly returned home with her having scraped up knees, and mud all over, due to a difficult to see slick spot in a parking lot. It was so very very sad. I appreciated so much that he knew that to an almost-15 year old girl, he could not say, "Just go rinse off in the bathroom." No, this called for wardrobe and make-up and momma, and they came home. We got her cleaned up and back on track, not too much worse for the wear.

Because he's the daddy. And a darn good one, at that. We are so very very blessed.

Is There A Reason For This?

Last night at small group, someone asked about difficult life situations, mentioning specifically our current unsettled time of unemployment. The man who asked is also in an uncertain time and said that he is trying to figure out the meaning behind it... is there a reason for his struggle?

I, of course, had a little mini-sermon in reply. (If you know me at all this will not surprise you). I think it even had three points, the way a scriptural sermon should.

Let me say that I, to this point, have lived an amazingly blessed life, and would never deem to compare my time of uncertainty to whatever hardship you may be in the midst of. But my thoughts on whether or not a current trial has meaning were this:

a) I am BEYOND hard-headed (again, if you know me at all this will not surprise you). Whether I believe my current situation to be from Satan or discipline from the Lord (I have been in circumstances where it was CLEAR to see which was which, or times like now, I have no idea), I will dig in my heels and say, "I'm in this thing, Lord!" I jokingly said I have been known to be like Captain Dan in Forrest Gump -- remember when he got MAD at God and crawled up on the mast, screaming at the Lord, saying, "Is that the best you've got???" Yeah... I've been through times like that. My determination (nice way to say "hard head"), as well as my own life testimony of God's faithfulness through such times, is what keeps me walking toward the Lord when times get tough.

b) The only reason I will ever claim for why something may have happened in my life I find in John 9:1-3:

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. (emphasis mine)

I gave up a LONG time ago trying to figure out why things have happened in my life -- I have learned that trials may not be for me. They may be for Troy, or for my kids, even for my next door neighbor, or the little boy who lives down the lane. I will never know. But I know that the work of God may always be displayed in my life by the way I walk through the trials, if I will surrender my will to the Spirit during those times. If I miss letting the work of God be displayed in my life, I have missed the only reason FOR SURE that I know of for that trial being in my life. May I not miss it.

c) A story (summarized that I read from a Chicken Soup for the Soul... I think...): a guy is watching his kid's little cocoon on a stick in the jar. There is violent shaking, blood drops... awful struggle. He watches the struggle for a while and thinks he'll help the little butterfly. He takes a pen knife and makes a tiny slit in cocoon. The wings finally emerge from the slit in the cocoon, and the butterfly walks around on the stick for the rest of the afternoon, but never takes flight.

Guy calls his scientist friend and asks why the butterfly isn't going to fly. When scientist-dude hears the whole story, he replies, "Oh... that's the problem. It is in the struggle to get out of the cocoon that the wings become strong enough to fly."

Again... I will never know why I go through some of the things that I do, but each trial allows my wings opportunity to grow stronger so that I can fly higher with each trial, and you can bet that I will be doing all that I can that the work of God may be displayed in my life.

Is it important for you to have reason in your struggle? How do you get through them?

My Running Community -- and Still Keepin' It Real

Last weekend was one of my long runs -- 10 miles. It was awesome. Seriously. I felt SO great the whole time. Cool weather, and was fueled properly. Just good. (I'm about a month out from my next half marathon).

Today was a shorter "long run" (long runs are on Saturday -- in my head, if they are over 6 miles, they are a long long run, 6 or less is a short long run). Today was 6. And it was awful.

Woke up to GLORIOUS rain, so I slept in, knowing that I was either going to have to wait out the rain or run on the treadmill anyway. When I finally got around to running (about noon) I had only had a bowl of cereal because my stomach was kind of 'iffy'. I waited around to see if the rain would clear up -- nope --.Then I finally took some medicine for my stomach and headed to run (at the gym on the treadmill).

When my meds finally kicked in and my stomach settled, I was STARVING. In a runner, starving = no fuel and I didn't have a protein bar with me. I ran/walked for a while on the treadmill, was BEYOND mad that it didn't have the decency to rain not one little drop on the puddle in the gym parking lot (seriously Troy couldn't believe how mad I was -- but I REALLY hate running on the treadmill. REALLY).

Since it wasn't going to rain I thought I might have a better run outside. Nope. I couldn't really get going, not properly fueled, my stomach still not right, just all the way around not good.

My trainer, Ruthie, reminds me that running is like life: you have good days and bad days. Learn from the bad days, and go on. Before I had a trainer, or even a running community of friends, I would try to be a runner, but after a run like today, I would tell myself, "this just isn't for you. You're a loser at this. I don't know why you think you can do this. You should just give up." And I would.

Now I have a running community. Granted, the majority of it is virtual and online, but I see that people have bad runs... but they keep running. It started as I really got into reading Ruthie's blog. I guess she knew about grace to herself and determination -- or maybe she just liked running more than I did right away -- but I saw that Ruthie kept plugging away after illness and injury.

My running -- or attempts at running -- have been my secret before this year. I basically knew I would fail at some point and didn't want to have to 'fess up when it happened. But having a community has cheered me on and allowed me to see other people stumble, yet start over and succeed. It let me watch how successful runners are successful: by starting over when they have a bad day. "Back in the saddle" or however you want to call it -- it has kept me going.

This really isn't a running post -- it's a community post. I had to be intentional about surrounding myself with people who had the same goals that I did, people that I could see how they handled setbacks and how they achieved goals. That is true for any goal I would want to achieve -- including getting to heaven.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1

A Peeve

Ya know, I try to be Suzy Sunshine over here, which is annoying beyond all comprehension I'm sure.

But I read this today and decided to keep it real and share with you one of my peeves. I think I've even decided that the phrase "pet peeve" is one of my peeves, too, so I'm not going to call it that, either. (Seriously -- you have GOT to read that link! FAR more valuable than anything I will put over here!)

So. Facebook affords me far more insight into human nature than I need or want, though I simply cannot. tear. myself. away. (My addiction to social media can be YOUR peeve. I'm totally good with it.)

One thing that I have noticed is someone's proclamation of good news:

"I have awesome concert tickets!"

"Finally booked my cruise!"

"Sitting with my college roomie on the patio of a great restaurant!"

"Vacation starts now!"

Whatever it is - good news! Yay! Invariably, someone will comment with "No fair!" That simply crawls all over me.

One in particular that got me was a young, hard-working mom who got to go on a trip because of her husband's work. When she mentioned she was looking into some tickets for theater productions there, another "friend" of hers pouted in the comments, "No fair!" Pouty friend and her family could buy that trip and tickets to any show twelve times over -- this would likely be the first woman's only opportunity for such a trip. How is that not fair?

Denise mentioned something about leaving for her cruise. A friend I don't know pouted, "No fair!" Denise and her husband both have a job, Denise had been saving her dollars for the trip -- how is that not fair? Because she has something good and you don't? That is life, sister friend. Occasionally friends get good things. Get your happy britches on about it.

"I was jus' kiddin'!" those of you prone to pout "No fair!" may protest. Well, that is part of my peeve, I suppose. As a writer and a "word person", words mean something, and have weight. If you are truly happy for the person, say so. If you aren't, keep it to yourself.

As far as words having weight, while I'm bein' all open and honest here, I'll confess that just one hour ago, I let one little casually tossed phrase in my home hurt someone I love deeply. I didn't intend it the way it was taken, I have (and will continue to) apologize -- but it is impossible to unring that bell. Words have weight. "Oh be careful little mouth what you say."

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12: 15,18

So. That is my Friday evening confessions. Feel free to share your own peeve or three. I don't want to feel alone over here in my peeves.

Rainy Wednesday

Hurricane Hermine (does ANYONE really know how to pronounce that??? I have heard it 3 different ways...) has brought some rain all the way out here to our desert and it has been nice, though I understand that some of my Central Texas friends got way too much rain. Hate that, 'cause I don't like the whole flooding stuff. Been there, done that, still have mud on some of my furniture to prove it.

The rain has made it be a great inside day. This week Troy and I have formed "Team Stirman" for job searching and that has been a blessing. I do some of the tedious -- and I mean horrifically tedious -- job searching of the online search engines. Since Troy's previous job was helping students locate jobs, he's pretty good at knowing where to look and where to go, but you still have to wade through every posting to see requirements, skills, experience, etc. That stuff I can do to weed out what he's qualified for, send those on to him, then he can apply or not, make contacts, etc. It's great to work together to tackle the tough stuff.

Obviously, I've been major AWOL from blogland -- but love having a daughter in high school. Except the homework! Wow. She and I are really slogging our way through biology and I am REACHING for my geometry knowledge (little known fact about me: I was a math major for 4 semesters). But she is having so much fun in marching band, and finding out just what 5A athletics is like (ouch, by the way).

I wasn't able to see her march in her first ever game (still grieving.... long story... still bitter) but did see her this weekend at an 11 a.m. game that I am now peeling off large portions of my epidermis from viewing. But she is the cutest marcher out of all 200 of them, even though I could barely pick her out, she's adorable. I love it so much. And, I did learn... if the sun, your allergies, your hormones, and weather are all threatening to give you a migraine... do NOT, under any circumstances, go wait on her with the band. They play the fight song several times there at the end. Ouch again. Love watching my kids do stuff! Ooooh... this Saturday? A PARADE!! She's marching in a PARADE!! I love a parade!! Don't you?? I think it will even be less than a zillion degrees, which is so rare! (West Texas Fair and Rodeo Parade)

Then, that afternoon, the Riley-man plays some soccer (I think he's also thinking about running cross country that morning just for grins. Gah!). And Monday will be his first football game as a 7th grader! I am IN my element when I am watching my kids have their fun on fields and such. (And for the record, I didn't make my kids do all of those activities -- they know how I feel about spreading too thin. This is our time to see "what fits" and what doesn't. We are busy -- but truly having some good times along the way.)

Just wanted to do a fast check-in. I've got to get dinner on the table. I miss this ol' blog. I keep wanting to resurrect it. But all of that life keeps edging it out of the way.

Treading (Diving?) into Uncharted Waters

Since there is (STILL) nothing to tell you on the job front (*sigh*) or weather front (it is SO! FLIPPIN'!!! HAWT!!!) I will go back to what I mentioned at one point -- some things God has put on my heart since training for the half-marathon that I completed in July (and am now training for another).

If you know me well, you know that health and fitness have always been important to me. I won't lie, they started being important to me for reasons of my appearance. Exercise and eating right helped keep me at a healthy weight -- and able to fit into my clothes. But, as I've aged, I have 'softened around the edges' (and i don't just mean my rear is bigger, though that may or may not be the case).

My commitment to care for my body has extended from simply "whatever it takes" to fit into my skinny jeans to truly caring for my body. Sometimes it's a delicate balance because I like to set goals for myself (i.e., the half- marathon) to keep me on track with my exercise. When I get injured, I'm tempted to push my body beyond what is reasonable in order to meet my goals, thereby defeating the purpose in the first place.

I am hesitant to talk about this at all. The main reason being -- I am keenly aware that no one wants to hear it. I used to talk about it quite a bit. But several experiences, including one lost friendship, have led me to realize that people just flat don't want to hear about it. I get that. As Troy very gently told me, "No. No one wants to hear about it. Sarah, I lived with you for 17 years and am just now wanting to be healthy. I had to choose for myself."

So, I am diving on in, and saying some things I'm thinking. If you agree with me -- super. If you hate it, feel free to kick a hole in your computer screen or write me nasty, anonymous comments. I can take it. This is just some of the stuff rolling around in my brain I want to process.

One thing I think is that I have become very... disillusioned? disappointed? Saddened, no doubt, as to how little the church will address how important it is to care for our physical bodies. Again, I have learned the hard way that it is a VERY touchy subject, but so are sex and finances, and we seem to conquer those just fine. The body that we have each been given is a precious gift from the Lord-- just like my children, my car, my house, my money. Shouldn't I care for it lovingly? (I was encouraged to see one of our elders broach the subject recently, and Tim Archer had a great series on Christian attitudes toward eating and food.)

I was REALLY struck by this thought this Sunday in small group. This was NOT the topic at all, but Ephesians 5:19 was read: "After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it just as Christ does the church." Know anyone that hates her own body? Um, yeah. That was me for TOO many years.

I am so ashamed of how I thought of and treated this body, this creation of God. And the way I would talk to myself?? Oh, mercy. I see myself in someone that I am around on occasion now. Of course, it's always an eating occasion (because, you know, how else do people ever communicate if not over food -- another rant for another day) and this person always mentions that she is STARVING because she hasn't eaten all day.

I nod knowingly to myself, remembering the days. I don't know this person's mindset, but mine would have been: "I'll just skip breakfast. I'm not that hungry anyway. Oh, look at me. I think I can go a little longer. OOooooh, I'm doing GOOD! I can probably make it until I meet friends tonight without eating. Just a little longer." Then, out with friends, I would eat too much, too heavy, be miserable, and say horrible things about myself that night -- then again the next morning when I weighed.

Then I finally figured out: I would NEVER do that to one of my children, or my spouse or parents. Basically, to anyone that I loved. And if I were to love and care for my body, I needed to CARE for it -- and treat it right, and feed it regularly. Hey! Guess what? If you feed your body (and brain) regularly, you can think straight, get yourself off the couch AND not scream at your children for asking a simple question. Who knew? And? Even better? My workouts work when I eat on a regular basis! Wow. There must be a reason that God made our bodies to get hungry every few hours. Bodies require fuel regularly to work right. Simple as that.

Of course, then, over the years, I've had to learn WHAT to feed my body, which has been a whole other journey, perhaps for another day. Refined sugar is just useless to me, so I generally don't eat it. Lysa TerKeurst talked about her journey doing away with sugar today, as well.

Also Ruthie (my trainer for the half) and Jae (just an awesome gal) tell their own stories about sugar. Both of them seem extreme reactions to sugar, but keep in mind, these are women that went off of sugar, then had reactions to small amounts of sugar. Their reactions are similar to what I've noticed in myself now that I don't eat sugar.

Ruthie wants to be a "fitness minister" at a church. I'm rooting for her! I would love to go down the same path -- or write her articles for her.

This summer I read "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth, a look at the emotionality many of us have tied up in our bodies and the way we eat. It reminded me of the bondage I was in for so many years to my outward appearance and diets and food and called me to give thanks to God for setting me free from that way of life. If that is a journey you would like to take, I will tell you that it was a gradual, years-long journey for me, with God leading the way and healing as I was ready. You can't expect to change a lifetime of thinking (a "brain rut", I call it) in any 12 week program or plan. Grace to yourself has to be the overriding theme.

I don't know if I'll talk about this much here or not. Again -- I know none of you want to hear it. But I believe with all of my heart that our bodies that house our spiritual beings should be loved and cared for as much as our spiritual beings. And... I do wish it was addressed more in the body of Christ. Hey -- wonder why we call it the body of Christ anyway? Hmmmmm....

This Ride I'm On

So... Hey!

I have SO much I WANT to tell you, but very little that I am ABLE to tell you right now. (Is that not the most annoying way possible to start a blog post???) Trust me, if you know me well enough to care -- you are welcome to call me and I will tell you the WHOLE story, all the ins and outs and ups and downs and just flat make you sorry that you asked. But there are just some things not quite ready for Internet publication yet. (did you know that Internet should be capitalized? I don't know why, but my writing for the newspaper has made me aware of this fact. Doesn't seem right to me, but it is what it is. Get on board, people.)

We are at the job-search stage that is pretty cool. It is quite obvious that God is at work. Obviously, God is always around and at work in our lives, but we have been through a job search that felt much more like wilderness wandering -- and we needed to be reminded that God was in the wilderness then. There have been parts of this job search that have been a bit of wilderness wandering, but currently, things have been happening that we can't explain other than the hand of God. We don't know where they will lead and what the end result will be, but they all serve as part of our faithful story to ourselves that God will provide all of our needs.

There are other areas that Troy and I just see God moving in mighty ways that is such a blessing -- though crazy-making, as neither of us will admit to being excessively patient!

Last week I was honored to share some of HIStory along with some of my teen missionary partners at the mission reporting meeting. I said that on the way to McAllen, I looked up and found Deuteronomy 4:29:

But if from there you will seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and all your soul.

This is a promise to the Israelites -- but it is so true for all of us. I know I haven't been able to be very specific, and I meant to write other stuff here tonight like what all I'm learning about my own health while training for this half marathon, but that can wait. For now, I just want to encourage you, like me, to seek the Lord your God and look for him with all your heart and soul. He is there, waiting for you to be found by you.

If you CAN be specific, I would love for you to share with me where all you have found God this week.

My Story, HIStory

I do want, at some point, to go back and share more of the HIStory that was made in McAllen, but I am burdened by telling that so thoroughly, and I want to quick tell you about some of "the rest of the story" (that really dates me, doesn't it?)

(SIDETRACKED by the rest of the story...) Did you LOVE Paul Harvey? I especially loved his "The Rest of the Story" series. I guess there has always been storyteller in me...

Back on track...as if there is one...

So... my husband is out of work and has been all summer. It's all good -- he had been employed at a local Christian university and, in short, his position was eliminated. His boss (that goes to our church) made the decision because their department needed more Master's level degrees in their department (Troy doesn't have one) for their accreditation. Hard decisions had to be made, and now God has room to work.

God is faithfully showing himself to us at every turn, giving us just enough light for the next step. We will continue to have amazing God stories.

My baby girl has started marching band practices in preparation for starting high school in a few weeks. (hear me take a deep breath). Today we got her registered, her marching shoes ordered, her uniform fitted, a decal for the car, the whole 9 yards. We are good to go.

The school keeps most of the uniform except the hat and some sort of sash (why would they send home pieces to forget on game day??) When she tried on the hat for us (that, like all band hats, mostly engulfs her head) I teared up for the first time. Grinning out from under the hat was the very same little face of a 2 year old toddler who told me, "I'll be 3, then I'll be 4, then I'll be 5, then I'll go to kindergarten." Only this one has more expensive teeth.

That child has always been ready for "what next?" and "aren't we going somewhere?" She is my on-the-go kid, and FOR THE LOVE she will not be disappointed in marching band season. Lots, lots LOTS for our calendar! Wow.

Soon school will start again and Riley will play football. And soccer. And, Lord willin', Troy will be starting a new job. So we will probably have a busy and active fall. I am SO excited for all that will be going on with the kids and their activities. This may not be the best time of THEIR lives, but it's the best time of MY life -- to watch them using their gifts and talents, and just flat having fun. It will be a busy, glorious time. Praying to see God through it all, and how He would have me serve Him best as band mom, burning up the roads taking kids to different events, etc.

One last thing. Since we aren't busy enough, I'm training for another half marathon at the end of October. It really doesn't add to my life, just makes me much more disciplined in my exercise -- which, honestly, my brain will need in the midst of the nuttiness.

So... catch me up with you. Are you amping up for school? Tell me what's up with you!