What Type of Weather Are You?

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

Okay, I really don't mean to be the "Blog of Quizzes" lately but this one was so far off it made me laught out loud. Beautiful yet dangerous -- just LAUGHING at both of those! Yep, people stop and watch when I appear (because I trip on my own shoelaces walking in the door) and I am known for my random violence (like terrorizing those bugs that are swarming my house). Best known for my power? Sure -- I can't get 22 2nd graders OR my dog to listen to me. My dominant state is performing? Absolutely... again, that's what I am KNOWN for! Too funny!

Don't worry, I will resume actual blogging soon. Upcoming features:
Troy Stirman: Three deer in one Saturday is evidently NOT enough!
Sarah: Has she lost that lovin' feelin'? (for the HOLIDAYS, gutter brain!)
Recap of the Jesus party
New sign spotted in my neighborhood: I'm GORGEOUS inside!

After 20 years, my GPA hasn't dropped too much!

You paid attention during 80% of high school!

68-84% Pretty good, you know that there are libraries and newspapers, and you remember what you've read. You were a child that wasn't left behind!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
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Tattling in 2nd Grade

"He keeps putting his breath in my nose!"

(playing rock-paper-scissors to determine who reads first in partner reading that they were supposed to start 5 minutes ago): "He keeps choosing scissors!!"

Life-and-death stuff here, folks.

'Tis the Season ... to be trashy?

You know, I thought Target had us all figured out -- slap a holiday design on an ultra-cheap t-shirt for our kids and we will snatch them up. They have even graduated to adult holiday t-shirts. However, I didn't want one that said "Naughty" or "Vixen" -- so I passed. Hey, cool, Academy has cheap holiday t-shirts. Hmmmm ... should I choose, "Sugar and Spice, Naughty, not Nice", "Santa, Jingle My Bells", or "Santa, I want it ALL"? Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Christians are all in an uproar because people are saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" -- is anyone noticing that we are using Christ's birth as a vehicle for advertising our sluttiness? (Yes, I made up that word, and I'm standing by it!)

This is New...

Americans have long bought into the notion that if a little is good, then way too much is AWESOME. From Big Macs to overpriced coffee to inflatable holiday decorations, the phrase, "Less Is More" means nothing to the American Consumer. And American merchants know this all-too-well.

I wish I had been the first person to realize that you can take any icon of any holiday, enlarge it to 8 feet, make it out of nylon and inflate it, and Americans will buy it -- Santa, scarecrows, pumpkins, cupids, shamrocks, you name it.

I am no longer surprised at what all I see adorning people's yards. Amazed, maybe, but not surprised. Today, however, I was taken aback. So, aback, in fact that first I turned my car around to make sure I was seeing what I thought I saw. Then, continuing to be taken aback -- I went all the way "aback" to my house to get my camera so that you, too, could marvel at this holiday icon:

'Cause, you know, NOTHING says "Christmas Spirit" like the Christmas Seal.

Are You Gooder?

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
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Get OUT!

You have to register (free) for this, but how cool!
Remember this number: 888-Do-FRUCALL. Why? Because if you are in a store and you see something that you have the urge to buy, you can call this number and get the best prices from the online stores---instantly and free! You can even buy the product over the phone! All you need to do is type in the barcode of the item (or you can use the ISBN if it's a book) on your cell, and presto! You will get the prices quotes you are looking for, right then and there. Here's the info page to tell you how it works: frucall.

Yeah, Denise, who doesn't need a cell phone NOW?

Fascinating Fitness Fact for Friday

Oprah had Dr. Oz on her show one day this week. As a faithful 4-times-a-year Oprah viewer, I have no idea how reliable Dr. Oz is, but he did have some good things to say. I watched a few minutes of it and they were talking about weight-loss and health. He said that a) the measurement of your waist is a far more critical number than the number that the scale says and b) if you are 50 years old and have a waist measurement of 40 (for females) or 45 (males) you have the same chances of surviving the next 5 years as if you have breast or prostate cancer. That's pretty serious, folks. He said an ideal waist size is half of your height, or smaller. For instance, I'm 63" tall. My ideal waist size is 31.5" or smaller.

Another most interesting fact -- for men, every 35 pounds lost adds one inch to his pen*s. He did say that "levels off" after a while, so don't let your man think that if he loses down to 75 pounds he would be most impressive. But something to consider.

I mention all of this to "advertise" for a regular "Cleft of the Rock" feature in 2007: Fitness Fridays!

Funny Closings on Snow Day

"Blah, Blah, Blah School District has a delayed opening at 10 a.m. Parents may drop off their children at the usual time." And hope and pray that at least a janitor is there to open the door since it's 22* and probably the teachers are still trying to dig out of their own driveway.

"Essential personnel report at 7:30. Non-essential personnel report at noon." Yeah, you just waltz on in at noon and head straight for the HR office to pick up your pink slip. "You know, we realized we could save a LOT of money since you aren't really essential. Your arrival at noon indicates that you agree, so there should be no lawsuit. Happy job hunting!"

"Upstanding University will only require students who live on campus to attend classes."
Um, and will they be taught by all of the teachers who live on campus? (This, of course, would never happen in this fine upper echelon of education known as Abilene, but is actually from my childhood in Louisiana -- makes more sense, doesn't it?)

9:00 A.M. Thursday

5:30 P.M. Wednesday

Say Again?

• Commercial on the radio right now:

"There are only two ways to get out of debt: Someone dies and leaves you a lot of money, or you earn more."

I guess that whole "spend-less-than-you-make" plan is just an illusion.

• Ad for a new movie:

"Telling the true story of Christmas. The Nativity. Rated PG."

The true story of Christmas needs parental guidance?

• Speaker explaining his success:

"I had faith in God, and, more importantly, God had faith in me."

Really? Faith? Hebrews tells me, "the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Doesn't God see it all? Is there need for Him to have faith? This one really makes me curious. I think I understand the sentiment behind what he was saying, but it seems to be a malapropism.

5:00 P.M. Tuesday

I'm Still Bitter

I admit it. After 13 years, I still remember one off-hand comment. I don't try to -- it's just still there. We had just moved into our HUGE 1200 sq. ft. duplex (huge compared to our 800 sq. ft. apartment). After a few days I spent an industrious evening after work unpacking all of the kitchen. On his way to bed, I gave Troy a tour of my newly organized kitchen, "This is where the spices are, here are the cups, etc." He stared at me (noticing NONE of my wondrous organization!) with a most bemused expression on his face and finally said, "I find this all very amusing from someone who uses the kitchen 3 times a month."

Ahem. I admit it was VERY close to being accurate, but it still irritated me. So, of course, I still remember it. God love Troy, by the next morning when I was STILL mad (I know, there's that whole "Don't let the sun set on your anger" thing -- I have the hardest time with that) he had NO recollection of any of that exchange so I'm sure that 13 years will have done nothing to improve his memory.

Why can't I let this go? Why is it still on my mind? I think about it at least once a week, like I did last night. I spent over 5 minutes in search of one particular dish to put dinner in (I could have given up and used a different one, but they are all in the fridge w/ Thanksgiving leftovers that I should be throwing out, I'm sure). With every cabinet door opened and cabinet searched I got more and more irritated -- thankfully, no one was home. But, my thought 13 years later in reply is, "I cook EVERY night now -- NOW can you pay attention to where to put my dishes/ utensils?" I've mentioned it takes me a solid hour to get dinner on the table and I'm not blaming that on all of my helpers, but I do spend at least 5 minutes every night searching for SOMETHING -- can opener, garlic press, measuring spoons or cups, whatever. Between the kids each unloading the dishwasher and Troy clearing the decks, things can be in any one of 6-8 places, and no one can ever remember what they did with it, or have never seen it or touched it.

So, I figure I have these options before me:
a) Ban anyone and everyone from "helping" (a.k.a. "hiding things") in my kitchen (this option will call to Troy's mind another family member having a foot-stomping, shrieking hissy, "Get out of MY kitchen!!!")
b) Train my family to actually put things where they go.
c) Give up and consider every night of cooking dinner a grand scavenger hunt.

It's gonna have to be c).

Product Reviews

*sigh* I fell prey. Saw a cool-looking remote car for one of the younger crowd on my list. The price wasn't too bad. I got it AND the batteries, because I am a considerate gift-giver that way. Before I wrapped it, I decided to try Shannon's trick and get all of the packaging, twist-ties, cellophane tape, etc., out of the way so that play could begin immediately upon opening! Lo and behold, no packaging -- only styrofoam keeping it in place! Cool! Well, while I'm in here, may as well put the batteries in -- they'll still be good in a few weeks, right. Well, no, because it is impossible to put the batteries in while the car is turned off, and if you turn it on to put the batteries in, it runs constantly causing little bitty tire burns on the battery installer (ask me how I know this!) *sigh* One more package re-packaged and headed back to Target. For the record, it was a Kool Toyz Truck and ATV set. (Kool Toyz is a Target brand of toys *this much is true* manufactured only at Christmastime to trap unsuspecting consumers).

On a better and more local note -- I won't even try to tell you the connection to these folks, but some out-of-towners were in town and we met them for lunch. They were wanting to go to Bangkok Thai restaurant. Bangkok Thai is the hotel restaurant to a less-than-desirable-looking hotel on S. 1st. I was VERY afraid and took Zantac in my purse and had a snack on the way there in case it was horrible. It was MOST excellent, reasonably priced, and I will probably return there someday -- in broad daylight, with either my husband or a large group of people. I recommend Bangkok Thai (one of the people at our table said that Noke's has closed?).

But not Kool Toyz.

Miscellaneous Ramblings

I have had this empty box-of-Blog-post pulled up since Thanksgiving evening, I think. I have LOTS to say, just don't want to stop here long enough to say it. I do, indeed, love BooMama pointing out that she doesn't "want to be so busy writing about her life that she forgets to live it." Indeed. A danger in blog-land, no doubt.

I missed posting a list of all the things I'm thankful for -- I certainly mentioned a few when discussing my "dingy car"! Here, in no certain order, are things I had opportunity to be thankful for this week:

• Even though it was 3:45 on the day before Thanksgiving when I realized that my kitchen sink was beyond Drano's help, the plumbers were still able to come unclog my kitchen sink during regular business hours.
• My sweet knight-in-shining-armor husband was home to encourage me to call the plumbers so that neither of us had to live with a gross kitchen sink for 48 hours.
• A stress-free Thanksgiving! It was so glorious and wonderful and we ate too much and had a great time.
• Friends that welcome me into their home -- actually, their in-law's home! -- for even MORE Thanksgiving food!
• Family that will drive to see us and stuff themselves with us!
• Lowe's had a replacement microwave for me in stock when mine died an unexpected and relatively violent death the day after Thanksgiving.
• I have a fabulous job that is even more fabulous now that I have been away from it for 10 days -- and still get paid the same!!!!!!! -- that allows my savings account to have room in it to call the plumber AND buy a new microwave within 48 hours.
• Again, my precious husband was here reminding me that in the overall scheme of things, a stopped up sink and busted microwave are pretty small potatoes. But stone cold potatoes. Because we have no microwave. (It's over-the-range -- and I'm waiting on someone to install it. Please no comments. I know that between the 2 college degrees in this house we could figure out how to do it -- but we don't want to. It's MUCH more fun to just gripe about how long it's taking for the installer-guy to get here.)

So, even amidst and amongst the irritations, we had some good times. We even have all of the "holiday lighting" up that we're going to put up -- I'm pretending that my neighbors think it's really cute and whimsical the way they turn all different directions instead of being a straight-line of holiday cheer.

So, I think I've mentioned that the microwave is out? In MY terms, that means no:

• microwave popcorn (the saddest, by far, of all of the losses -- I really may have to go to a movie theater and buy myself some already popped!)
• Lean Cuisines
• microwave nachos
• last-minute defrost.

Attention: Sunday night dinner at the Stirman house has been officially canceled until further notice. Sunday night is the cook's night off and the above list is generally dinner around here. Maybe we'll spring for a Little Caesar's $5 Hot 'n Ready!

Happily Ever After

I suppose that tradition/ bloggity etiquette/ political correctness dictate that I cite November 21, 1992 as the happiest day of my life and then revel in the romance and details of that day. The deal is, there are so many flash-bulbs of happiness since that day that, while my wedding day was beautiful, fun, and all I had hoped it would be, I won't claim it as the happiest day of my life.

A confession that will sound as if I am veering down another road entirely: I would love to tell you that the moment I laid eyes on either of my children I was so overwhelmed with gushy love for them that it leaked out of my every pore -- but that is simply not true. I loved them fiercely from conception, even to the point that I believed their alien-esque features on the ultrasound to be the most beautiful alien I had ever seen. But at the moment of their birth they were simply another human that I had never met before -- a human I would have knocked your block off if you had tried to injure or take, but a stranger to me nonetheless.

In trying to delicately say this to a young mother-to-be, I told someone that, for me, being the mother of a newborn was, in some ways like being a newlywed: "Remember the day you got married and how much you loved your husband and you thought you couldn't love him anymore, but as time goes by you just love him more and more? That's how motherhood has been for me." (and I still stand by that statement -- both from the marriage and motherhood perspectives) This got tremendous guffaws from the women around me (Troy, I'll have to tell you who they were -- you'll understand! :-), "Well, sure, maybe if you're married to Troy Stirman that's how you feel ... "

Well, I am, in fact, married to Troy Stirman and it IS how I feel. There have been so many moments in my life that I have prayed that the Lord would let me always remember that PRECISE moment of happiness -- and of course I can't remember a single one right now. My life has been so blessed on so many counts and I frequently look around and can't believe this life I'm living. It's a lot less fashionable and far more budget-conscious than I may have dreamed, and covered with far more dog hair and bits of grated cheese (do they throw it into the air? do they plant it on the dog's back so that she will shake it off? do they build tiny cities with it?) but it is far more full and wonderful than I could have dreamed.

Today we have been married 14 years. We have been to tiny Thanksgiving feasts with pilgrims in construction-paper hats on our anniversary. We have sat through basketball practices on our anniversary. We have almost forgotten our anniversary when it is on a full Sunday (we pass each other in the halls at church shouting, "Oh! I almost forgot! Happy Anniversary!) It's great to have a day to remember, a day to celebrate another year, a day to have an excuse to be mushy and, in the words of Marion Cunningham, be "frisky" in front of the kids. (that makes me laugh -- thinking of me as Marion Cunningham) But there are so many other days in this marriage that I am thankful for -- all 5,110 of them!

I would do every minute of it over again -- the good, the bad, and the horribly ugly -- with Troy Stirman by my side. I am blessed.

Hmmmm...

These people have an interesting outlook on life. (*WARNING* -- NOT a family-friendly link!)

It's Beginning to look a lot like ... a science experiment

What is your most detestable job around the house? I know you're thinking something involving the bathrooms, but I HATE to clean out the refrigerator. Which is evidenced by the fact that I hardly ever do it. Which makes it 12 times worse than it has to be. I realize this, but I hate it! Yesterday I did my pre-holiday, have-to-make-room-in-the-fridge purge and toss in the refrigerator.

Say it with me now: Ew.

I tried to detach from my task and look at it with scientific observation: I wonder what decomposed food turns into THAT? hmmmmm. And under the bottom crisper drawer was quite the walk down memory lane. There was evidence of the Great Blueberry Syrup debacle of Christmas '05, as well as multiple reminders of the days when we have had homemade ranch dressing. And stored it on the top shelf. In front of the milk. That a child tried to get out...

So, after cleaning out the refrigerator and taking stock of my pantry, I evidently need to find a recipe that uses a LOT of onions, sour cream, chili powder, and sugar-free strawberry-kiwi jell-o. Suggestions?

Here's the Deal

If you know me just a little bit, you know that I am not exactly a cell-phone afficionado. My family knows that if they ever do actually call it, the chances that I have it both a)with me and b) set where I can hear it ring are slim-to-none. I want it when I want it, but I don't need another instrument to answer others' demands of me -- email and home phone seem to work just fine, thankyouverymuch!

At any rate, I marvel at the people who live constantly with a phone stuck out of their head. Or the people who have paid for the clip for their ear so that the thing can actually be stuck to their head. Amazing.

Earlier this week I drove the kids to school on one of my days off -- I couldn't believe how many women were driving around at 8 in the morning on their cell phone. Then I went to the gym. No fewer than 3 women sitting in the parking lot on their cell phone.

So I begin to scroll through my mental rolodex of people I know that would enjoy talking to me at 8 in the morning. If the kids forget their lunch or an important paper, they may enjoy a brief little visit with me at 8 in the morning, but other than that, I come up completely empty of who may want to visit with me at 8 in the morning!

The 21st century is obviously not my century.