Looking Back at My Struggles

It's a gray morning here. Rain is in the forecast, and my looming migraine tells me it's on the way.

I don't know -- now that I'm almost half-way through February -- that I will ever go back and confess to you how much I did not get accomplished on my Twelve by 2012 list. I think that was the post where I saw someone write, "I am not one to not finish what I started." It has become glaringly obvious to me that I rarely finish anything that I start.

Except a Diet Coke. 

Seriously.

I get in the middle of projects and leave them half-done and guilt-ridden in the middle of my floor. I make a meal for myself and am SO! HUNGRY! that I SAY to myself that I will clean it up later and... later never comes. As you can imagine, housekeeping is not my strong suit...

However, in looking at my list, I did (somewhat) accomplish 8 of my 12. Instead of registering for a half-marathon, I am now registered for a 10K at Cowtown. I just didn't feel ready to take on that level of training -- mentally or physically.

The thing that most people commented on the most was my "Sarah is unavailable file" -- my file of what will happen when I am deceased. Yeah, that is something I have started and never finished. Don't let anything happen to me until that is finished, okay? And if it does, someone give my poor dog her meds, okay?

I still haven't done much house decorating. Meh.

So, don't you worry. I still have plenty of things to work on IN 2012!

As 2012 is chugging along, I am being made aware day by day of marriages that are struggling, people that are battling some of my same battles, and so many heartaches and heartbreaks in this world.

God is putting on my heart what a blessing my past struggles have been. Places that I have struggled and come out stronger, places that I can look back and still see the battlefield. There are times in my life that I wouldn't take a million dollars to walk back through -- but I wouldn't take a million dollars for the experience, lessons, and blessings that came from those times. From big things like unemployment and marriage struggles and parenting doubts to small things like organizational challenges (yeah, still in the middle of that) to budget struggles (okay... still there) to the diaper days (NO! Not there!)

I am sad with the people that are in the midst of those struggles, but at the same time, I hope that I can foster hope by standing on the other side of the mire and saying, "You can get through it. I promise. I know it's hard. I know you want to quit. It is so worth it. Keep trying."

It's that hope word again. Only available through Christ in me. Powerful.
"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect," 1 Peter 3:15

And Christ in me also provides comfort:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Without the hope of Christ, without the comfort of Christ, my past struggles and battles would have completely overwhelmed and consumed me. But God. 

So grateful today. If you're in the midst of a struggle, may Christ in you offer you hope and comfort that another day will come, and that it's not forever. Blessings.

As For Me, I Will Have Hope

I just have a moment to check in here. I am on my way out of town -- I am FIRED UP excited!

I am headed to Houston to celebrate with a group of ladies -- a year's worth of scripture memory work! The Siesta Scripture Memory Team Celebration is this weekend and I leave in a few short hours and, of course, have a bajillion things to do before I leave (and, guarantee, I WILL forget to pack something important). (If you aren't familiar with Beth Moore's blog and you don't understand what a siesta has to do with scripture -- follow the link and do some reading... it's a long story).

I didn't think I really wanted to go. But I had committed to go with someone. Our budget is very tight (we've recently had a big "destination celebration," you know...) and I'm kind of sloggy... just all of it. However, now that it's here, I am SO excited to go.

One of the HUGE blessings that I am looking forward to: I get to meet a dear friend! I don't mean meet up with -- I mean meet for the first time! Allow me to 'splain. YEARS ago Leigh and I started reading each other's blogs. Then Facebook came along. And Twitter. And she and I both do all of that and keep up with each other there. We are prayer warriors for each other, and laugh at each other. She is a fired up passionate warrior for the Lord. And, guess what?? She will be in Houston this weekend! I finally get to meet my dear friend! It is already the highlight of the weekend for me! :-)

Before I go I wanted to share with you the word the Lord is whispering to me for 2012.

Picture via bles-id blog

Through the last month of 2011 I came to realize what a powerful force 'hope' is. There are many stories of where just a tiny drop of hope came into my day to remind me that God hears, God sees -- and how that tiny drop of hope can truly lift your spirits and make you feel physically better.

Hope. The opposite of despair.

 Then, as I came across Jeremiah 29:11, for probably the gazillionth time, I was struck for perhaps the first time by the word "hope."

This sign can be purchased in WallBling etsy shop

 We look to that verse frequently to be reminded that when our life is spinning, seemingly out of control, God knew it would go this way. And He is in it. And I believe that. (GREAT post about why it's a bad idea to throw this verse at other people whose life is out of control, though).

I was struck that God not only wants to give me a future -- he wants to give me hope, too! He knows what a powerful force hope is, and wants me to have that feeling -- the feeling that is the opposite of despair. The lightness of hoping that something better is to come.

Perhaps I've taken that completely out of context. Perhaps a more scholarly person would tell me I have that verse all wrong. But for now, I have hope. And Psalm 130:5 tells me that's what His word shall provide.

Uploaded by Sue Dudley to Pinterest

Going Home

by Sarah Stirman
on heartlight

The phone call came on a Tuesday morning, just as my family was yawning awake to face another busy day. Not at all unexpected, but unwilling to verbalize what was reality, my dad simply said, "Well, you know why I've called." And I did. My grandfather's victory was won: he was finally free of a body imprisoned by pain.

I set about my day making plans for leaving my home — getting my children's school work squared away, church obligations taken care of, and substitute plans in place for my absence. My husband performed the same juggling act for his work. The next morning we packed up here, my "grown-up home" where I have a family and a job and a mortgage and friends and church family and church obligations — and headed to my childhood home. We left West Texas, with its scrubby mesquite trees and arid climate and drove to my childhood home, the claustrophobic embracing trees of North Louisiana with its oppressive humidity and heat. We gathered to celebrate the life — earthly and eternal — of my grandfather, a crucial part of my heritage of faith.

The morning we left Louisiana, I took a walk as the rest of the world came awake. I watched the sun rise over the bayou and cherished this place, my home — the place that knows my people, my kin, the place that knows from whence I came, the place that has known me and loved me from the beginning. It is so comfortable here. Here I feel so much "at home" ... but not quite.

My thoughts turned to my "grown-up home," where I would be going later that day — the place where my friends surround me and love me in spite of my weaknesses, the place where I raise my family and serve the Lord in His church. So much "at home" ... but not quite.

Then I thought of my grandfather. He was finally home. He was where I long to be. The world says, "You can never go home again." Scripture says, "I am going to prepare a place for you" (John 14:1-3). We haven't even been home yet! The world says, "Home is where the heart is." Scripture says, "Set your mind on things above" (Colossians 3:1-4).

Our heavenly home knows from whence we came:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb (Psalm 139:13).My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,your eyes saw my unformed body.All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:15-16).

Our heavenly home also loves us in spite of our weaknesses. Better yet, "My power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Paul reminded the Philippians of our citizenship in heaven (Philippians 3:20-21). Each time a precious saint of this earth passes into heaven, I am reminded again that this earthly house and body that I am blessed with are only meant to be temporary shelter, not a permanent dwelling (2 Corinthians 5:1-10).

Lord, don't let the attractions of this world block the beauty of my eternal home. Remind me daily of the things of You that are truly important and lead me to recognize the things of this world that are simply burdensome distractions. Put on my heart a longing for my Home.

The Days Are Evil

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15, 16

The days are truly evil. Besides the horror of yesterday, there are so many memories of evil this week:

April 19, 1993 – Branch Davidian leader, David Koresh, sets fire to the compound outside of Waco after federal agents released tear gas in the compound. Dozens of Branch Davidians were shot and killed before the fire ever started.

April 19, 1995 – Timothy McVeigh parks a truck full of explosives in front of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, killing 168 people. It was the deadliest terrorist act on American soil at the time.

April 20, 1999 -- Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold go on a shooting rampage at Columbine High School in Jefferson County, Colorado. They kill 12 students and 1 teacher before ending their own lives.

This year, April 17, 2007 has been added to the list of days in April that are memories of terror. I have no answers. I have no reasons 'why'. I have no understanding about any of it. But I have hope. Sometimes hope is all you can go on.

Heather offers much in the way of perspective this week. A week ago Heather thought she had a horrible ear infection that was making her so dizzy. Today she had an appointment at the Mayo Clinic to discuss options for the brain tumor she has learned she has. Please read her words here. Keep up with her here. And pray for her always.